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Jessie "T.J." Hanniger
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Feb 17, 2021PSA: DO NOT WATCH THE THEATRICAL VERSION WHICH IS WHAT YOU'LL FIND ON STREAMING. GET THE UNCUT VERSION ON BLURAY. After waiting most of my life to finally watch Black Christmas, which I loved, I figured I should check out My Bloody Valentine. This was pure B-movie cheese which was seriously enhanced by some great kill scenes. I watched this originally on streaming and was unimpressed. The Blu Ray uncut version? Very fun. The scenes in the mine were the most interesting and should've been at least 50% of the movie (ala The Descent). An extra star for the cool mine uniform which was the creepiest thing in the whole movie.
Oct 07, 2017Normally an overabundance of Dutch angles would reignite queasy memories of Battlefield Earth and its tilted ignominy but when they are in a mine that culminates with a supposedly erotic sex scene, they can be easily forgiven. However, the romp is truncated short when the blonde bombshell is impaled on an axe and the footage switches to a grainy, non-MPAA-approve chest chasm. Clearly, the film was a victim of puritanical censorship upon release and it is obvious whenever the killer strikes. Certainly, a beheading while climbing up a ladder is a sleazy babel but the effect of transitioning to an image with cigarette burns neutralizes the harshness. Apparently this town's economy is dependent on the barely solvent mine in which they excavate... an undefined ore. The reaction to a raw heart in a Valentine's Day box is just shy of a fatigued shrug ("It can't be happening again."). This sluggish Canuckploitation horror flick borders unsteadily towards self-parody with the barkeep's recollection of Harry Warden approaching glib Kevin Williamson self-awareness ("Beware the 14th!"). They are seriously tentative about cancelling a dance? The fox trot and other Terpsichore displays are that important? Even though they're middle-aged miners (based on the casting), the day-laborers in Valentine's Bluff act like sex-starved frat boys (towel snapping, pranks with karyo syrup, etc.) which automatically decreases our hope for their survival. On top of subpar motivation, the love triangle at the center only serves to cushion the spaces between slice-and-dice indulgences. Slasher POV was a staple during the 80's and the addition of a helmet wheezing sounds hilariously similar to an iron lung. The most punishable sin is how it retreats whenever Warden's ax is about to sink into someone else and the drudgery through the shafts at the end is a bore. Despite the drawn-out third act, the mine cart fight and pick-ax duel is bountiful, if short-lived fun.
Aug 26, 2017The kind of crappy slasher that doesn't even manage to be fun, with pedestrian dialogue and a repetitious plot that basically says that men are jerks and women are weak and whiny, forcing us to put up with two ridiculous machos at each other's throats the whole time.Carlos M Super Reviewer
Jun 09, 2016One of the best slashers from the 80s, My Bloody Valentine had all you needed in a horror film: Killer with rules, teenage lovebirds, scary costume, iconic weapon. It wasn't really that gory but the lighting combined with the atmosphere were good enough to give you the creeps.