Craig Roberts

Stanley says: Why are you dressed like Ellen DeGeneres?

Oliver Tate says: Bound to be disappointing? So why wait?

Oliver Tate says: Sorry, I thought you someone else.

Oliver Tate says: Sorry, I thought you were someone else.

Oliver Tate says: You're too good for me, you're too good for anyone.

Oliver Tate says: I don’t quite know what I am yet. I’ve tried flipping coins, listening exclusively to french crooners, I’ve even had a brief hat phase, but nothing stuck.

Oliver Tate says: I don't quite know what I am yet. I've tried flipping coins, listening exclusively to french crooners, I've even had a brief hat phase but nothing stuck.

Oliver Tate says: My mother is worried I have mental problems.

Oliver Tate says: Why else would she be at the hairdresser's with Graham the ninja? He probably makes sure all his prospective sex partners are salon-fresh before impregnating them with a ninja love child.

Oliver Tate says: My mother gave a hand job to a mystic!

Oliver Tate says: "In my other recurring dream, I mentally rehearse the end scene. The one where its getting dark and I mistake a girl for Jordana. A girl with the exact same frame and the exact same hair. And when she turns around, I see her face is nothing like Jordana's. And she asks, "Do I know you?", I look traumatized and say "No. You dont know me... You dont know me at all."

Oliver Tate says: In my other recurring dream, I mentally rehearse the end scene. The one where its getting dark and I mistake a girl for Jordana. A girl with the exact same frame and the exact same hair. And when she turns around, I see her face is nothing like Jordana's. And she asks, 'Do I know you?', I look traumatized and say No. You dont know me... You dont know me at all.

Oliver Tate says: "Her new boyfriend has an incredibly long neck. Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry."

Oliver Tate says: Her new boyfriend has an incredibly long neck. Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry.

Oliver Tate says: My mother is worried I have mental problems. I found a book about teenage paranoid delusions during a routine search of my parents' bedroom.

Oliver Tate says: â??In many ways I prefer my own company, it gives me time to think.â??

Oliver Tate says: In many ways I prefer my own company, it gives me time to think.

Oliver Tate says: "Most people think of themselves as individuals, that there's no one on the planet like them"

Oliver Tate says: Most people think of themselves as individuals, that there's no one on the planet like them.

Oliver Tate says: He wasn't even considered hard until the Watkin twins famously stabbed him in the back with compasses. He said nothing; showed no discomfort as his shirt blossomed with blood poppies. His stoicism reminded me of the brave men who died in the First World War.

Oliver Tate says: This is the moment where you leave him and come with me.

Jordana Bevan says: Is it?

Oliver Tate says: Yeah, are you coming?

Jordana Bevan says: No.

Oliver Tate says: Jordana and I enjoyed an atavistic, glorious fortnight of lovemakin'; humiliatin' teachers and bullies in the week. I have already turned these moments into the Super-8 footage of memory.

Oliver Tate says: My mother is worried I have mental problems. I found a book about teenage paranoid delusions during a routine search of my parents' bedroom.

Oliver Tate says: My mom gave a handjob to a mystic.

Oliver Tate says: My mum gave a handjob to a mystic.

Oliver Tate says: Her mouth tasted of milk, Polo mints and Dunlop International...

Oliver Tate says: Her mouth tasted of sour milk, Polo mints and Dunhill International.

Oliver Tate says: I asked her if we were not boyfriend and girlfriend. She said maybe. I took it as "yes oli, we are now as one."

Oliver Tate says: I asked if she was my girlfriend now. She said 'I'll think about it'.

Oliver Tate says: I'v tried smoking a pipe. Flipping coins.

Oliver Tate says: I've tried smoking a pipe. Flipping coins.

Oliver Tate says: I wish there was a film that followed my every move.