Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy

Highest Rated: 97% Dolemite Is My Name (2019)

Lowest Rated: 0% A Thousand Words (2012)

Birthday: Apr 3, 1961

Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York

The son of a Brooklyn policeman who died when he was eight, African-American comedy superstar Eddie Murphy was raised in the comfortable middle-class community of Hempstead, NY, by his mother and stepfather. A natural-born class clown, he was voted the most popular student at Roosevelt Junior and Senior High. By the age of 15, he was doing standup gigs at 25 to 50 dollars a pop, and within a few years he was headlining on the comedy-club circuit.Murphy was 19 he was when hired as one of the backup performers on the NBC comedy weekly Saturday Night Live. His unique blend of youthful arrogance, sharkish good cheer, underlying rage, and street-smart versatility transformed the comedian into SNL's prime attraction, and soon the country was reverberating with imitations of such choice Murphy characterizations as sourball celebrity Gumby, inner-city kiddie host Mr. Robinson, prison poet Tyrone Green, and the Little Rascals' Buckwheat. Just when it seemed that he couldn't get any more popular, Murphy was hastily added to the cast of Walter Hill's 1982 comedy/melodrama feature film 48 Hours, and voila, an eight-million-dollars-per-picture movie star was born. The actor followed this cinematic triumph with John Landis' Trading Places, a Prince and the Pauper update released during the summer of 1983, the same year that the standup album Eddie Murphy, Comedian won a Grammy. In 1984, he finally had the chance to carry a picture himself: Beverly Hills Cop, one of the most successful pictures of the decade. Proving that at this juncture Murphy could do no wrong, his next starring vehicle, The Golden Child (1986), made a fortune at the box office, despite the fact that the picture itself was less than perfect. After Beverly Hills Cop 2 and his live standup video Eddie Murphy Raw (both 1987), Murphy's popularity and career seemed to be in decline, though his staunchest fans refused to desert him. His esteem rose in the eyes of many with his next project, Coming to America (1987), a reunion with John Landis that allowed him to play an abundance of characters -- some of which he essayed so well that he was utterly unrecognizable. Murphy bowed as a director, producer, and screenwriter with Harlem Nights (1989), a farce about 1930s black gangsters which had an incredible cast (including Murphy, Richard Pryor, Della Reese, Redd Foxx, Danny Aiello, Jasmine Guy, and Arsenio Hall), but was somewhat destroyed by Murphy's lazy, expletive-ridden script and clichéd plot that felt recycled from Damon Runyon stories. Churned out for Paramount, the picture did hefty box office (in the 60-million-dollar range) despite devastating reviews and reports of audience walkouts. Murphy's box-office triumphs continued into the '90s with a seemingly endless string of blockbusters, such as the Reginald Hudlin-directed political satire The Distinguished Gentleman (1992), that same year's "player" comedy Boomerang, and the Landis-directed Beverly Hills Cop III (1994). After an onscreen absence of two years following Cop, Murphy reemerged with a 1996 remake of Jerry Lewis' The Nutty Professor. As directed by Tom Shadyac and produced by the do-no-wrong Brian Grazer, the picture casts Murphy as Dr. Sherman Klump, an obese, klutzy scientist who transforms himself into Buddy Love, a self-obsessed narcissist and a hit with women. As an added surprise, Murphy doubles up his roles as Sherman and Buddy by playing each member of the Klump family (beneath piles and piles of latex). The Nutty Professor grossed dollar one and topped all of Murphy's prior efforts, earning well up into the hundreds of millions and pointing the actor in a more family-friendly direction. His next couple of features, Dr. Dolittle and the animated Mulan (both 1998), were children-oriented affairs, although in 1999 he returned to more mature material with the comedies Life (which he also produced) and Bowfinger; and The PJs, a fairly bawdy claymation sitcom about life in South Central L.A.Moving into the n

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet Coming 2 America Producer Actor 2020
97% Dolemite Is My Name Producer Rudy Ray Moore 2019
No Score Yet Beverly Hills Cop 4 Actor 2018
24% Mr. Church Henry Church $0.7M 2016
No Score Yet Hong Kong Phooey Penry/Hong Kong Phooey 2014
No Score Yet Trampoline Actor 2014
0% A Thousand Words Jack McCall $18.5M 2012
No Score Yet The Incredible Shrinking Man Actor 2012
67% Tower Heist Slide Producer $78.1M 2011
No Score Yet Dreamworks Holiday Classics Actor 2011
No Score Yet Donkey's Christmas Shrektacular (Donkey's Caroling Christmas-tacular) Donkey 2010
58% Shrek Forever After Donkey $238.4M 2010
41% Imagine That Evan Danielson $16.1M 2009
20% Meet Dave Dave $11.7M 2008
No Score Yet Shrek the Halls Donkey 2007
41% Shrek the Third Donkey $320.8M 2007
9% Norbit Norbit/Rasputia/Mr. Wong Producer Screenwriter $95.4M 2007
78% Dreamgirls James `Thunder' Early $103.4M 2006
57% Fuck (F*ck) Actor 2005
No Score Yet Meet the Cast of Shrek 2 Actor 2004
No Score Yet Far Far Away Idol Actor 2004
89% Shrek 2 Donkey $436.5M 2004
14% The Haunted Mansion Jim Evers $75.8M 2003
No Score Yet Shrek 4-D (Shrek 3-D) Actor 2003
27% Daddy Day Care Charlie Hinton $103.7M 2003
16% I Spy Kelly Robinson $33.2M 2002
4% The Adventures of Pluto Nash Pluto Nash $4.4M 2002
25% Showtime Det. Trey Sellars $38M 2002
42% Dr. Dolittle 2 Dr. Dolittle $111.5M 2001
88% Shrek Donkey $267M 2001
No Score Yet Creating a Fairy Tale World: The Making of Shrek Actor 2001
26% Nutty Professor II: The Klumps Executive Producer Sherman/Papa/Mama/Ernie/Cletus/Grandma/Buddy Love/Lance $122.4M 2000
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live: The Best of John Belushi Actor 2000
81% Bowfinger Kit Ramsey/Jiff Ramsey 1999
50% Life Rayford Gibson Producer 1999
12% Holy Man G. 1998
42% Dr. Dolittle Dr. John Dolittle 1998
86% Mulan Mushu 1998
No Score Yet Doctor Dolittle Actor 1998
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live: The Best of Eddie Murphy Actor 1998
15% Metro Producer Insp. Scott Roper 1997
No Score Yet Century of Black Cinema Actor 1997
64% The Nutty Professor Sherman Klump/Buddy Love/Lance Perkins/Papa/Mama/Ernie 1996
10% Vampire in Brooklyn Producer Maximillian 1995
10% Beverly Hills Cop III Axel Foley 1994
13% The Distinguished Gentleman Thomas Jefferson Johnson 1992
44% Boomerang Marcus Graham 1992
No Score Yet The Kid Who Loved Christmas Producer 1990
18% Another 48 Hrs. Reggie Hammond 1990
No Score Yet Mandela in America Actor 1990
21% Harlem Nights Executive Producer Quick Screenwriter Director 1989
67% Coming to America Prince Akeem, Clarence, Saul, Randy Watson 1988
81% Eddie Murphy Raw Screenwriter Executive Producer Himself 1987
43% Beverly Hills Cop II Axel Foley 1987
No Score Yet Joe Piscopo New Jersey Special Actor 1987
26% The Golden Child Chandler Jarrell 1986
81% Beverly Hills Cop Axel Foley 1984
No Score Yet Best Defense Lt. T.M. Landry 1984
87% Trading Places Billy Ray Valentine 1983
83% Eddie Murphy Delirious Producer Actor Screenwriter 1983
No Score Yet Best of the Big Laff Off Actor 1983
93% 48 HRS Reggie Hammond 1982

TV

Credit
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Host Guest Performer 2020
2019
2018
2005
1984
1983
1982
1981
1980
1976
No Score Yet Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
2012-2019
Guest 2019
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest 2019
2016
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest 2016
2010
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest 2011
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest 2011
2010
No Score Yet America's Next Top Model
2003-2018
Appearing 2009
30% Father of the Pride
2004
Voice 2004
No Score Yet The PJs
1999-2001
Executive Producer Voice 2001
2000
1999

QUOTES FROM Eddie Murphy CHARACTERS

Donkey says: oh this is another one of does onion things isn't

Shrek/Blind Mouse says: no this is one of does drop it and leave it alone things

Queen Lillian says: Harold!

Princess Fiona says: Shrek!

Shrek says: Fiona!

King Harold says: Fiona!

Princess Fiona says: Mom!

Donkey says: Donkey!

Slide says: Look at my face.

Josh Kovacs says: Look at my face.

Slide says: You see how serious I am?

Josh Kovacs says: I'm pretty serious too.

Slide says: Are you ready to die bi*ch?

Josh Kovacs says: That's my suit.

Slide says: Yeah it's your suit I got on your socks and drawers too.

Mushu says: Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow, like daisies!

Ray Gibson says: I'm just gonna bust up in da mutha fucka, the upper room.

Clarence says: Damn boy, what's this some kind of weave or something?

Prince Akeem says: It is my natural hair. I've been growing it since birth.

Clarence says: Aw shit that aint nothin but an ultra perm!

Charlie Hinton says: If you put your kids through this they're gonna be miserable in four languages...

Miss Gwyneth Harridan says: Five, we start Portugese in the fall.

Charlie Hinton says: Wow, goats really love pie.

Charlie Hinton says: Any boob can run a day-care center but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on, a family.

Charlie Hinton says: If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.

Billy Ray Valentine says: That's my Harvard tie! Like, oh sure, he went to Harvard!

Louis Winthorpe III says: That's my Harvard tie! Like, oh sure, he went to Harvard!

Randy Watson says: Sexual Chocolate. Sexual Chocolate!

Mr. Wong says: Norbit, you married a gorrilla

Mr. Wong says: Norbit, you married a gorilla.

Norbit Albert Rice says: You shouldn't drink that

Norbit Albert Rice says: You shouldn't drink that.

Rasputia says: Why?

Norbit Albert Rice says: Your with child1

Norbit Albert Rice says: Your with child!

Rasputia says: Oh that, no that was gas [gases] There's your child

Rasputia says: Oh that, no that was gas. There's your child.

Norbit Albert Rice says: We were the best of friends, we even pooped together!

Rasputia says: How you doin?

Donkey says: Hey, come back there. I'm not through with you yet.

Shrek says: Well, I'm through with you.

Donkey says: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Wll, guess that! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You're mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.

Shrek says: Oh yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?

Donkey says: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!

Shrek says: Oh yeah, you're right, Donkey. I forgive you... For stabbing me in the back!

Donkey says: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really something back there. Incredible!

Shrek says: Are you talking to... me?

Shrek says: Are you talking to me?

Donkey says: Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That's really made me feel good to see that.

Shrek says: Oh, that's great. Really.

Donkey says: Man, it's good to be free.

Shrek says: Now, why don't you go to celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?

Donkey says: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself.

Papa Klump says: Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, 'cause I'm confused.

Papa Klump says: Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, because I'm confused.

Sugar Ray says: How was your date?

Quick says: I killed her.

Sugar Ray says: Ah, tore the pussy up, huh!

Quick says: No, man, I killed her.

Sugar Ray says: What the fuck you talking about.

Quick says: I shot her, man.

Sugar Ray says: Hmm. Was the pussy that bad, man?

Sugar Ray says: Quick, you're not a gangster. We're not. We're club owners. We run a dance hall. Calhoune... he's a cold-hearted killer. He'll have your ass killed. Now, the man probably doesn't know about La Rue yet. But in the morning, he's going to want you really dead. So, we got to find a place where we can lay low. Till we can run the scam and split.

Quick says: You telling me I should hide?

Sugar Ray says: No. I'm telling you you're gonna hide. You don't hide, Quick, they're gonna kill you. I'm not gonna let that happen to you. I didn't come this far with you so you can prove you ain't no punk and die. What are they gonna put on your tombstone? "Here lies a man, 27 years old. He died, but he ain't no punk." Hey man, that's bullshit. OK? You know when you die? When you're 89... got your children and your grandchildren around the bed... that's cool. It ain't cool to die at 27. I'm not gonna let you do that to yourself. I'm not gonna let you do it to me. 'Cause they kill you, they're gonna have to kill me. 'Cause I'm gonna kill them.

Sugar Ray says: Vera, you know we tally up at 4 o'clock. What is your problem?

Vera says: Kiss my ass, Sugar. I've got to watch my girls until the last trick is gone. And I'm not about to ask no customer to roll over so I can punch some goddamn clock. Now, this is your place, but I am in charge of the girls... and you can just kiss my ass.

Sugar Ray says: [Sugar Ray makes kisses toward Vera] Oh baby!

Vera says: No, stop it, Sugar, stop doing... Don't do that. Stop that!

Quick says: So, baby, how'd we do tonight?

Vera says: We made about 200.

Quick says: 200? Your girls have been back there all night. How'd they only make 200 dollars?

Vera says: You kiss my ass, Quick! I don't ever say nothing to you when the crap table and the bar come up short.

Quick says: Cause the bar and the crap table never come up short, just the girls.

Sugar Ray says: Now, calm down, Vera.

Vera says: Kiss my ass, Sugar! I wanna know what it is Quick is trying to say?

Quick says: I ain't trying to say shit. You're in charge of the girls, right?

Vera says: I am in charge of the girls.

Quick says: Are you in charge of the girls?

Vera says: I AM in charge of the girls.

Quick says: OK, The girls are always coming up short. Alright, let's get this shit out in the open. The girls are always coming up short even when the place is packed the girls come up short. Now, either you or them got a problem with their arithmetic.

Vera says: Are you saying I'm stealing?

Bennie Wilson says: The man didn't say you was stealing, Vera. Now, come over here and sit down and shut the fuck up!

Vera says: You shut the fuck up, Bennie. I would tell you to kiss my ass too, but you probably can't find it you blind motherfucker.

Bennie Wilson says: Fuck you, bitch.

Vera says: [Vera turning and looking at Quick] Me and you got to step out back.

Sugar Ray says: Hey, it was just a misunderstanding.

Vera says: [Vera starts taking off her hat] nuh-uh, No it ain't, it ain't no misunderstanding. Quick just accused me of stealing. and if you gonna take up for Quick in here, we can all be some fighting motherfuckers in here this evening. Bring your ass, nigger. Bring it on. Come on. Bring your ass! Come on, get up and come on, motherfucker!

Quick says: All right, bitch, you want to fight? We can fight then, you fat motherfucker, l'm tired of your shit!

Vera says: Just bring your ass!

Shrek says: Oh yes, I live in a 'enchanted' forest with cute little animals.

Shrek says: Oh yes, it's in an enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckys and...

Donkey says: You mean the swamp!

Donkey says: I know you ain't talkin about the swamp!!!

Rasputia says: what are you looking at norbit

Rasputia says: What are you looking at Norbit?

Jack McCall says: Dickhead's one word!

Jack McCall says: Hel-lo.

Buddy Love says: I Heard Of Dreadlocks, But ****locks?

Buddy Love says: I heard of dreadlocks, but ****locks?

Jack McCall says: [Standing in front of father's grave] I forgive you.

Jack McCall says: [standing in front of father's grave] I forgive you.

Ernie Klump says: Now you see what you did, Joe College? You gone and messed up the whole party.

Granny Klump says: I'm gonna tell you something, I've got a razor in this bag.

Papa Klump says: Oh, yeah? I'll tell you what. That ain't even no bag you got in your hand, that's your titty.

Mama Klump says: Cletus!

Papa Klump says: She's got old bags for titties!

Mama Klump says: Jesus!

Papa Klump says: Old bag with old bag titties.

Mr. Wong says: Bingo! Right in the blow hole!

Mr. Wong says: WHALE-HO!

Rasputia says: Did somebody just call me a whale?

Mr. Wong says: Yeah! & a ho!

Mr. Wong says: Yeah!

Buddy Love says: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theatres.

Buddy Love says: Well, if it isn't Sherman Klump. The inventor of Jumbo, the horny hamster.

Dean Richmond says: Please!

Mama Klump says: Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

Kelly Robinson says: My hunches are correct 7 out of 10 times. That's a high-ass ratio!

Jack McCall says: I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back I want my baby back baby back ribs!

Norbit Albert Rice says: But you shouldn't be drinking alcohol.

Rasputia says: Why not?

Norbit Albert Rice says: Because of the baby.

Rasputia says: The baby? AHHHHHH! PPPPPPPPPPP! it was only a gas

Rasputia says: The baby? AHHHHHH! PPPPPPPPPPP! It was only a gas.

Mushu says: Our little baby's all grown up and savin' China! You have a tissue?

Mushu says: Dragon. DRAGON. Not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing.

Mushu says: Dishonour! Dishonour on your whole family! Dishonour on you! Dishonour on your cow!

Prince Akeem says: Good morning, my neighbors!

Subway Guy says: Hey, fuck you!

Prince Akeem says: [genuinely happy] Yes, yes! Fuck you too!

Buddy Love says: What the hell are you looking at? this is a impressive package for a toddler.

Buddy Love says: What the hell are you looking at? This is a impressive package for a toddler.

Mushu says: They popped out of the snow... like daisies!!!

Mushu says: They popped out of the snow... like daisies!

Jack McCall says: I guess you never know if the last time you see someone is going to be the last time you ever see someone.

Donkey says: I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

Slide says: What you trying to steal?

Josh Kovacs says: Twenty Million Dollars.

Slide says: Let's go grab a bite to eat.

Jack McCall says: You. Me. We. Eternity.

Dina Lake says: what makes you so sure hell help us out

Dina Lake says: What makes you so sure he'll help us out?

Pluto Nash says: oh hell help us he couldnt sing a note if it werent for me

Pluto Nash says: Oh, he'll help us. He couldn't sing a note if it weren't for me.

Dina Lake says: you taught tony fransis how to sing

Dina Lake says: You taught Tony Fransis how to sing.

Pluto Nash says: no i convinced a bookie to pour acid down his throat

Pluto Nash says: No I convinced a bookie to pour acid down his throat.

Mushu says: Punch him. It's how men say hello.

Mama Klump says: Don't nobody wanna hear your flatuance, Cletus Klump!

Papa Klump says: [farts]

Chandler Jarrell says: I know this is a dream, so I can say anything I want and get away with it. So I think I will say, from my heart, kiss my ass. Kiss my ass!

Chandler Jarrell says: Only a man whose heart is pure can wield the knife, and only a man whose ass is narrow can get down these steps. And if mine's is such an ass, then I shall have it.

Chandler Jarrell says: My dear, sweet brother Numsie!

Chandler Jarrell says: How many people have survived this?

The Old Man says: None!

Chandler Jarrell says: None!? None!? I'm gonna break your ass in a minute!

Chandler Jarrell says: None? None? I'm gonna break your ass in a minute!

Papa Klump says: I ain't an old man!

Granny Klump says: You is an old man!

Buddy Love says: It's showtime, everybody!

Mama Klump says: Have you noticed that Sherman's been actin' kind of strange lately?

Carla Purty says: Sherman has definitely been acting strange lately.

Mama Klump says: I knew it! See, Cletus? I told you!

Papa Klump says: You really think I been l been listenin' to you? I ain't listenin' to you!

Mama Klump says: Carla! Oh, hee hee hee! Oh, you look fabulous!

Carla Purty says: Thank you, Mrs. Klump.

Mama Klump says: Have you seen Sherman?

Papa Klump says: Yeah, where's Sherman at? I ain't come to pay no hundred-dollar ticket to have to suffer this alone!

Mama Klump says: Cletus, shut up, please!

Papa Klump says: Hey! That's strike two!

Reggie Warrington says: What's up?

Buddy Love says: Whats's up, n*gga? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Reggie Warrington says: I said, "What's up?"

Reggie Warrington says: I said, 'what's up?'

Buddy Love says: Didn't you hear me when I said "Hey?" Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Buddy Love says: Didn't you hear me when I said 'Hey?' Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Buddy Love says: It's your world, dog! I'm just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut!

Buddy Love says: I am so hungry. Hey don't let the tears fool ya'. I'm a tooth chipper!

Buddy Love says: [to Carla] You are too fine to be givin' me curbside service!

Carla Purty says: I'm not, I'm leaving.

Buddy Love says: What are you talkin' 'bout? We just got here.

Carla Purty says: No, you just got here. I've been waiting for you for almost an hour!

Buddy Love says: Hey now, they say anticipation makes the appetite grow stronger, if you know what I mean.

Carla Purty says: Anticipate a night alone.

Buddy Love says: Hey, hey! Let's just have a meal together. Why you leavin'? What, do want me to beg you? I'll get down on my knees, I'll beg you in front of all these people! Think I care if these people are watchin'? I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I want the world to know that I was late! And I'm sorry! My car ran outta gas! I needed fresh drawers! My mother's sick! The car broke down on the street!

Carla Purty says: Buddy, get up!

Buddy Love says: No, no, no, hear me out! I am sorry! I don't know why this is happenin' tonight! Of all nights, this has got to happen to me tonight!

Carla Purty says: Okay.

Buddy Love says: WHY???? WHY???????????

Buddy Love says: WHY? WHY?

Carla Purty says: Okay!

Buddy Love says: WHY???????????

Buddy Love says: WHY?

Carla Purty says: Okay, okay, okay!

Buddy Love says: Okay good, let's eat.

Buddy Love says: Now, be careful. If you scratch the car, I'll be scratchin' your *ss.

Sherman Klump says: (looks at his pet guinea pig) Shelly, you've been a guinea pig long enough. It's time to see if this stuff really works.

Sherman Klump says: [looks at his pet guinea pig] Shelly, you've been a guinea pig long enough. It's time to see if this stuff really works.

Papa Klump says: Well, if it isn't the Alzheimer's Express, right on schedule!

Mama Klump says: Stop that! Hi, Momma.

Sherman Klump says: Klump party of six, please.

Mama Klump says: Yes, and we're hungry!

Papa Klump says: Godd*mmit! I've messed up my pants.

Mama Klump says: My baby is not gettin' married here!

Papa Klump says: Oh yeah? [farts]

Papa Klump says: So Carla, are you and Sherman gonna get married here or in Chicago?

Mama Klump says: Carla, can you cook? 'Cause somebody's got to feed my Sherman!

Mama Klump says: Mama, you're gonna embarrass my baby.

Papa Klump says: (to Carla) Your family got any money? 'Cause I ain't payin' for no big*ss weddin'.

Papa Klump says: [to Carla] Your family got any money? 'Cause I ain't payin' for no big*ss weddin'.

Mama Klump says: So Carla, do you like children?

Carla Purty says: Yes.

Mama Klump says: Oh, that's wonderful! I can't wait for Sherman to bring me home some grandbabies!

Granny Klump says: You'll have to excuse me for bein' late. Me and Isacc were gettin' kinda frisky in the car. I had to give him a little appetizer.

Papa Klump says: I just lost my d*mn appetite.

Denise Gaines says: Mama, you know, you really look good! Have you been losing weight?

Mama Klump says: Oh, thank you baby! No, but I am gonna start a new diet.

Buddy Love says: I can see my d*ck! My d*ck! My d*ck! My d*ck! Yeah!

Ms. Gluteus says: (talking to Lance Perkins on Sherman's TV) His fraternity was having this thing called "Pig Day." That's the only reason he asked me out!

Ms. Gluteus says: [talking to Lance Perkins on Sherman's TV] His fraternity was having this thing called 'Pig Day.' That's the only reason he asked me out!

Lance Perkins says: To make fun of you? Why do we do this to ourselves? Everytime we get depressed we eat and eat and eat. Don't you? You go to the store and buy those little candy bars in the bag, and before you know it the whole bag is empty. And then at the end you feel just like that bag, empty inside. Don't you? Don't you? (hugs woman) Can we go to a commercial?

Lance Perkins says: To make fun of you? Why do we do this to ourselves? Everytime we get depressed we eat and eat and eat. Don't you? You go to the store and buy those little candy bars in the bag, and before you know it the whole bag is empty. And then at the end you feel just like that bag, empty inside. Don't you? Don't you? [hugs woman] Can we go to a commercial?

Mama Klump says: Hee hee hee! Oh, this is so fabulous! Ain't nothin' like gettin' together with family and havin' a good meal!

Mama Klump says: (Ernie Jr. belches) Oh, baby, eat some bread.

Mama Klump says: [Ernie Jr. belches] Oh, baby, eat some bread.

Papa Klump says: So Carla, where are you from?

Carla Purty says: Chicago.

Mama Klump says: Oh, Chicago! We have family there.

Papa Klump says: Chicago. Windy city, huh? I was workin' on a skyscraper in Chicago once, and my lunch blew off the 27th floor.

Papa Klump says: I've seen Sherman so hungry once before when he was young... he beat up a grown man- (Eddie Murphy starts laughing.)

Papa Klump says: I've seen Sherman so hungry once before when he was young... he beat up a grown man. [Eddie Murphy starts laughing]

Mama Klump says: I hope you fart 'till your *sshole falls off.

Mama Klump says: Everytime we have a meal you start breaking gas. Don't break gas and destroy our meal!

Papa Klump says: Don't tell me to stop! You were the one who brought up colon cleansing and all that mess!

Mama Klump says: I did not say anythin' about breakin' gas, I said that I was gonna get my colon cleansed!

Papa Klump says: Oh, so you can talk about puttin' a tube up somebody's *ss, but I can't break wind.

Mama Klump says: I didn't say nothin' about puttin' a hose up somebody's *ss, Cletus.

Papa Klump says: Well what do you think a colonic is? You think you run yo' *sshole by the car wash?

Mama Klump says: You're chokin' the baby! (Ernie Jr. spits out food with laughter)

Mama Klump says: You're chokin' the baby! [Ernie Jr. spits out food with laughter]

Papa Klump says: Look, as long as I pay the bills, I can do what I want at this table. Case in point; [farts]

Papa Klump says: Somebody better call the exorcist!

Sherman Klump says: Recent studies have shown that some people are genetically predisposed to gainin' wait. Someday in the near future we might even find a cure.

Papa Klump says: Only thing you need to study is yo' *ss. I gotta big *ss, and yo' momma's gotta big *ss.

Mama Klump says: Cletus!

Papa Klump says: You do have a big *ss! Don't tell me that the *sses aren't big in our family. Now, I don't care what diet you go on, you can sew up your stomach and yo' *sshole and your gonna always be fat!

Mama Klump says: Ohh, look at my little baby. Ohh, he's a little Hurcules! Show me muscle again. Ohh, Hurcules, Hurcules, Hurcules, Hercules, Hurcules! Hee hee hee! He's so strong.

Papa Klump says: I would like to volunteer to take this old bird outta her misery.

Mama Klump says: Cletus! Don't you dare say something like that about Mama!

Mama Klump says: Sherman, I cooked all this food, is that all you gonna eat?

Papa Klump says: Hey, hey, hey! What's wrong with you? You're supposed to eat that thing, not scalp it.

Sherman Klump says: Well, Daddy, all the calories in the chicken are found in the skin, so I peel it off.

Papa Klump says: Stop sittin' there talkin' 'bout where all the fats and calories is. You know where that comes from? Watchin' that d*mn TV. Everytime you turn it on you got somebody talkin' 'bout lose weight, get healthy, get in shape. They got everybody lookin' all anorexic and talkin' 'bout that's healthy. I know what healthy is! And tell you something else, I don't know why everyone's tryin' to lose weight in the first place! Ain't everybody supposed to be the same size, we're supposed to be all different. Big, small, medium, midgets, you're supposed to have all that. Everyone wants to be the same size now, like that Oprah Winfrey; she went and lost her weight, when nothin' was wrong with her, she was fine! Oprah was a fox! She lost all that weight, head lookin' all big, skin hangin' all over. And Luther Vandross. N*gga used to be the black Pavarotti. Lost all that weight, lookin' all ashy. Oprah and Luther need to keep their asses one way, 'cause I'm confused.

Donkey says: In the morning, I'm making waffles

Rasputia says: You're dead!

Norbit Albert Rice says: This wedding is a sham, and I'm here to stop it!

Kate says: Norbit, what are you doing?!

Norbit Albert Rice says: I'm being a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate I love you!

Kate says: [Gasps; the doors then burst open and Rasputia and two of her brothers rush in]

Rasputia says: [To Norbit] What the hell did you just say?! [Everyone gasps in surprise]

Mr. Wong says: [In disgust] Ick...

Norbit Albert Rice says: You heard what I said, strumpet! [Rasputia has a shocked look on her face] I love Kate! That's right! I love you, Kate! And the last 2 weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your BITCH! [Everyone gasps while Kate smiles]

Rasputia says: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!

Mr. Wong says: [After the kids say, "Ewwwwww!" when Norbit and Kate kiss] What you mean, ew?! No ew! Man kiss a woman, beautiful thing! [To Ling-Ling] Ling-Ling! Come here with your fine self! [They tongue-kiss, making the kids say, "Ewwwwwwww!" again]

Mr. Wong says: [After the kids say, 'Ewwwwww!' when Norbit and Kate kiss] What you mean, ew?! No ew! Man kiss a woman, beautiful thing! [To Ling-Ling] Ling-Ling! Come here with your fine self! [They tongue-kiss, making the kids say, 'Ewwwwwwww!' again]

Mr. Wong says: [Before Rasputia can kill Norbit] WHALE HO!

Rasputia says: Did somebody just call me a whale?

Mr. Wong says: YEAH! AND A HO! [Throws one of the curtain rods at Rasputia and it lands in her butt, making her drop the spade]

Rasputia says: [In pain] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mr. Wong says: Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Rasputia says: [Running away in fast-forward] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Lloyd chases after her, barking]

Abe the Tailor says: Let's get some!

Big Jack says: We dead! [The mob then chases the brothers out of town for good]

Rasputia says: [Referring to Kate] Is Little Miss Skinny Bitch gonna be there?

Preacher says: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today--

Norbit Albert Rice says: I OBJECT!

Preacher says: [Agitated] Oh, for Christ's sake!

Mr. Wong says: [Glad] Norbit.

Pope Sweet Jesus says: [Overjoyed] Norbit!

Kate says: [Astonished] Norbit!

Choir Member says: [Singing] NORBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Rasputia says: [To the kids who stole her hat, which she now retrieved] You little bastards!

Mr. Wong says: [Repeated line] Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Mr. Wong says: Die, you son of a!

Norbit Albert Rice says: Yeah I... I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. ...And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down [Deion quickly looks at Norbit, stunned], so maybe they could tell you for themselves! [Deion raises his eyebrows] LADIES!

Kate says: I'm so sorry, Norbit. I just don't trust you anymore.

Rasputia says: [Laughs] Well, well, well, Norbit! Ya lose again! Once a loser, always a loser, huh?! Now come on! Let's go!