Jesse Eisenberg

Jesse Eisenberg

Highest Rated: 100% The World Before Your Feet (2018)

Lowest Rated: 17% Cursed (2005)

Birthday: Oct 5, 1983

Birthplace: New York, New York, USA

Born in Queens and raised in New Jersey, actor Jesse Eisenberg first made an impression on filmgoers as an awkward teen whose uncle leads him on a lusty tour of Manhattan in director Dylan Kidd's award-winning indie Roger Dodger. Though Eisenberg had previously appeared on the Fox drama Get Real and as a storm-chasing teen in the made-for-television drama Lightning: Fire from the Sky, it was Roger Dodger that marked his entrance as a dramatic actor. While subsequent roles in M. Night Shyamalan's The Village and the Wes Craven werewolf fiasco Cursed may have offered Eisenberg little chance to display his dramatic prowess on camera, a more substantial role as a teen whose parents are divorcing in The Squid and the Whale found Eisenberg singled out for praise at both The Gotham Awards and The Independent Spirit Awards. The following years would see Eisenberg climbing the rungs in smaller films like The Education of Charlie Banks, The Hunting Party, and Boys Don't Leave, but his breakthrough came in 2009 with a leading role opposite Kristen Stewart in the period comedy-drama Adventureland. He would soon follow this critically acclaimed hit with a movie that impressed critics and audiences alike, the 2010 horror-comedy Zombieland, in which the actor played the unlikely survivor of a zombie apocalypse. Fast becomming a household name, Eisenberg found an even better vehicle for his talents playing the leading role in the 2010 Oscar contender The Social Network. Playing real life Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Eisenberg was nominated for a host of awards, including an Oscar and a Golden Globe. The following year, the actor signed on to play another character based on a real person, this time with the bizarre comedy 30 Minutes or Less, about a pizza delivery guy forced to commit a bank robbery. He voiced the lead role in the animated film Rio, and in 2012 had a brief turn in the indie comedy Free Samples.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
83% Vivarium Tom 2020
No Score Yet Resistance Marcel 2020
No Score Yet Now You See Me 3 J. Daniel Atlas 2020
67% Zombieland: Double Tap Columbus 2019
84% The Art of Self-Defense Casey 2019
57% The Hummingbird Project Vincent Zaleski 2019
80% Live in Front of a Studio Audience: 'All in the Family' and 'Good Times' Actor 2019
100% The World Before Your Feet Executive Producer 2018
71% Café Society Bobby $11.1M 2016
34% Now You See Me 2 J. Daniel Atlas $65.1M 2016
73% Louder Than Bombs Jonah Reed 2016
28% Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Lex Luthor $293.8M 2016
43% American Ultra Mike Howell 2015
92% The End Of The Tour David Lipsky 2015
86% Night Moves Josh 2014
83% The Double Simon James/James Simon $0.6M 2014
48% Rio 2 Blu $113.7M 2014
No Score Yet Rio 2 Sing-Along Actor 2014
50% Now You See Me J. Daniel Atlas $117.7M 2013
63% Free Samples Tex 2013
No Score Yet Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-iday Adventure Stinky 2013
25% Why Stop Now? Actor $2.1K 2012
46% To Rome with Love Jack $16.6M 2012
44% 30 Minutes or Less Nick $37.2M 2011
72% Rio Blu $143.7M 2011
96% The Social Network Mark Zuckerberg $96.5M 2010
No Score Yet Camp Hell (Camp Hope) Daniel 2010
50% The Living Wake Mills Joquin $12.6K 2010
78% Solitary Man Daniel Cheston $4.4M 2010
52% Holy Rollers Sam Gold $0.4M 2010
90% Zombieland Columbus $75.6M 2009
88% Adventureland James Brennan $16M 2009
48% The Education of Charlie Banks Charlie 2009
54% The Hunting Party Benjamin $0.8M 2007
No Score Yet One Day Like Rain Mark 2007
92% The Squid and the Whale Walt Berkman $7.1M 2005
17% Cursed Jimmy 2005
43% The Village Jamison $114.2M 2004
50% The Emperor's Club Louis Masoudi $14M 2002
88% Roger Dodger Nick $1.2M 2002
No Score Yet Lightning: Fire from the Sky Eric Dobbs 2001

TV

Credit
No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest 2019
2018
2016
2015
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest 2019
2016
2015
2014
No Score Yet Penn & Teller: Fool Us
2014
Appearing 2016
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest 2016
2015
2013
2010
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest 2015
86% Modern Family
2009
Asher 2014
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest 2014
2013
2011
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Host 2011
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest 2011
No Score Yet Last Call With Carson Daly
2007-2019
Guest 2010
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest 2010
2009
67% Get Real
1999-2000
Kenny Green 2000
1999

QUOTES FROM Jesse Eisenberg CHARACTERS

Roger Swanson says: You can't sell a product without first making people feel bad.

Nick says: Why not?

Roger Swanson says: Because it's a substitution game. You have to remind them that they're missing something from their lives. Everyone's missing something, right?

Nick says: I guess.

Roger Swanson says: Trust me. And when they're feeling sufficiently incomplete, you convince them your product is the only thing that can fill the void. So instead of taking steps to deal with their lives, instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery, they go out and buy a stupid looking pair of cargo pants.

Lex Luthor says: "We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come the sky."

Lex Luthor says: We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come the sky.

Lex Luthor says: We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come from the sky.

Lex Luthor says: We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They from come the sky.

Lex Luthor says: We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, they come from the sky.

Lex Luthor says: And now God bends to my will.

Lex Luthor says: You don't need to forge a silver bullet. But if you do, you don't need to depend on the kindness of monsters.

Jonah Reed says: The truth? What is the truth?

Jonah Reed says: Do you ever think about mom? Do you ever think about the car accident?

Lois Lane says: You are psychotic

Lois Lane says: You are psychotic.

Lex Luthor says: That is a 3 syllable word for any thought too big for little minds

Lex Luthor says: That is a 3 syllable word for any thought too big for little minds.

Lex Luthor says: And now, you will fly to him, and you will battle him.. To the death... Black and blue, Fight Night!, The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world... God vs. Man.. Day vs. Night.. Son of Krypton vs. Bat of gotham!

Lex Luthor says: And now, you will fly to him, and you will battle him...to the death. Black and blue, fight night! The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world. God vs. Man. Day vs. night. Son of Krypton vs. bat of Gotham!

Lex Luthor says: Ancient Kryptonian Deformity! Blood of my blood! Born to destroy you... your Doomsday.

Lex Luthor says: Ancient Kryptonian deformity! Blood of my blood! Born to destroy you... your doomsday.

Lex Luthor says: You're going to be in the hot seat in there.

Senator Finch says: I was raised on the farm. I know how to wrangle a pig.

Lex Luthor says: You want to know the oldest lie in America, Senator? It's that power can be innocent.

Janitor says: Where you going?

Simon James/James Simon says: Fuck off!

Janitor says: Oh hey, James

Lex Luthor says: The red capes are coming! The red capes are coming!

Mike Howell says: I just killed two people. I just took a spoon and pushed it through him. I swear to god I'm going to piss my pants Phoebe, I swear to god I'm going to piss my pants.

Simon James/James Simon says: I don't know how to be myself. It's like I'm permanently outside myself. Like, like you could push your hands straight through me if you wanted to. And I can see the type of man I want to be versus the type of man I actually am and I know that I'm doing it but I'm incapable of what needs to be done. I'm like Pinocchio, a wooden boy. Not a real boy. And it kills me.

Lex Luthor says: Do you know the oldest lie in America, Senator? Devils don't come from Hell beneath us. They come from the sky.

Lex Luthor says: Do you know the oldest lie in America, Senator? It's that power can be innocent.

James Simon says: You can't be doing anything gay. No ice cream cones.

Simon James says: But I like ice cream.

James Simon says: Of course you do, it's delicious. Ice cream is fine in a cup, but in a cone it's gay, unless you're with a woman at the time.

Simon James says: Anything else?

James Simon says: Riding in a motorcicle with another man. The only exceptions are: drive-by shootings, bomb-throwings and purse snatchings. Anything else is gay.

J. Daniel Atlas says: The closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

Jewel says: You're the only one for me, Blu.

Blu says: Good, because I am the only one for you.

Blu says: That's a good thing, since I'm the only other one.

Blu says: We are going to the Amazon...yay!

Pedro says: Like, the website?

Humphrey says: How the hell did you two find us?

Stinky says: I sniffed you out!

Kate says: Great! That's what we need!

Columbus says: Yeah, I shave every morning but sometimes by like 4:30 I'll have a thing. I mean, I know it's called a five o'clock shadow but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.

Dylan Rhodes says: I will be all over you like

Dylan Rhodes says: I will be all over you like...

J. Daniel Atlas says: like white on rice

J. Daniel Atlas says: ..like white on rice.

Blu says: That human has given me love and affection for the past 15 years while my own kind try to strangle me after 15 seconds.

Merritt McKinney says: When i first me you, i thought you were kind of a...dick.

Merritt McKinney says: When I first me you, I thought you were kind of a dick.

J. Daniel Atlas says: I'm touched.

Merritt McKinney says: Yeah.Just from the heart.

Merritt McKinney says: Yeah. Just from the heart.

J. Daniel Atlas says: Well,I didnt tell you where i was touched.

J. Daniel Atlas says: Well, I didn't tell you where I was touched.

Merritt McKinney says: Oh.You!..

Merritt McKinney says: Oh. You!

Columbus says: Don't let them catch you with your pants down.

J. Daniel Atlas says: I can do that trick 52 ways.

Atlas Groupie says: Can you do 52 tricks on me?

J. Daniel Atlas says: I'll see what I can do.

J. Daniel Atlas says: What is magic? Focused deception. But deception meant to entertain.

Henley Reeves says: If, after the last year, we spend the next 20 years in jail, I--

J. Daniel Atlas says: I know. Me too.

Merritt McKinney says: That's too sentimental for me.

J. Daniel Atlas says: Rule #1 of magic, always be the smartest guy in the room.

J. Daniel Atlas says: The closer you look the less you see.

Columbus says: [a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.

Columbus says: Poor flat bastard.

Columbus says: The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.

Columbus says: The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons were the fatties.

Mark Zuckerberg says: You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Do you realize that you jeopardized the entire company? Do you realize that your actions have destroyed everything I've been working on?

Eduardo Saverin says: We have been working on.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Without money, the site can't function. Let me tell you difference between Facebook and everybody else. We don't crash ever! If the serves are down for even a day, our entire reputation is irreversibly destroyed.

Eduardo Saverin says: Look...

Mark Zuckerberg says: Users are fickle. Friendster has proved that. Even a few people leaving would reverberate through the entire use base. The users are interconnected. That is the whole point. College kids are online because their friends are online. and if one domino goes, the other dominos go. Don't you get that? I'm not going back to the Caribbean Night at A-E-Pi!

Marilyn Delpy says: You must really hate the Winklevosses

Mark Zuckerberg says: I don't hate anybody. The Winklevi aren't suing for intellectual property theft they are suing because for the first time in their lives, things didn't work out the way they were supposed to for them.

Ad Executive says: Mr. Zuckerburg, I'm in charge of security for all computers on the Harvard Network and I can assure you of its sophistication. In fact it was that very level of sophistication that led us to you in less than four hours.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Four hours?

Ad Executive says: Yes sir.

Mark Zuckerberg says: That would be impressive, except if you had known what you were looking for you would have seen it on my dorm room window.

Ad Board Chairwoman says: Before we begin with our questioning, you're allowed to make a statement. Would you like to do so?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Uh...I've...you know...[stands] I've already apologized in the Crimson to the ABHW, to Fuerza Latina and to any women at Harvard who might have been insulted as I take it that they were.As for any charges stemming from the breach of security, I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.

Ad Board Chairwoman says: I'm sorry?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Yes?

Ad Board Chairwoman says: I don't understand.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Which part?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Let the hacking begin

Mark Zuckerberg says: Let the hacking begin.

Mark Zuckerberg says: If you were the inventors of Facebook. you would've invented Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg says: People came to Facemash in a stampede, right?

Eduardo Saverin says: [shivering] Yeah...

Mark Zuckerberg says: But it wasn't because they saw pictures of hot girls. You can go anywhere on the Internet and see pictures of hot girls.

Mark Zuckerberg says: It's because they saw pictures of girls that they knew. People want to go on the Internet and check out their friends so why not build a website that offers that? Friends, pictures, profiles, whatever you can visit, browse around, maybe it's someone you just met at a party. I'm not talking about a dating site. I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.

Eduardo Saverin says: I can't feel my legs...

Mark Zuckerberg says: I know. I'm totally psyched about this too.

Columbus says: You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife.

Columbus says: [after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I don't want friends.

Columbus says: [Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know,you really should buckle up.

Columbus says: [Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know, you really should buckle up.

Tallahassee says: [Leaves without putting on the seatbelt] I can tell already, your gonna get on my nerves.

Columbus says: For obvious reasons, the first ones to go, were the fatties.

Eduardo Saverin says: 25 minutes late!

Mark Zuckerberg says: He founded Napster when he was 19, he can be late.

Eduardo Saverin says: He's not a god

Mark Zuckerberg says: Then what is he?

Eduardo Saverin says: He's 25 minutes late.

Columbus says: Remember mad cow diease, well mad cow diease became mad person diease witch became mad zombie diease, it's a fast acting virus witch left you angry, crazy, and with a strong case of the munches...

Em Lewin says: Wow.

James Brennan says: Hi. I just got off the bus. I'm a New Yorker now. I guess I should probably buy an umbrella.

Em Lewin says: I don't think I can see you.

James Brennan says: What?

Em Lewin says: This summer was rough. I did things that I really, really regret.

James Brennan says: Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I told Lisa P. about you and Connell. She told the rest of the world, but I'm not gonna lie. I was really angry at you but you didn't deserve that.

Em Lewin says: You know, James, I am so sorry for fucking this up. You were the only good thing that happened this summer. [starts to walk away]

James Brennan says: Wait, Em! I think I maybe see you a little differently than you see yourself. Yes I see the person who fucked up, but I also see the person who saved me from being knifed over a giant-ass panda, who introduced me to psychotropic chocolate-chip cookies, who stood up for Joel, and who doesn't make apologies for herself. Look, my theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. And you should trust me, I'm a New Yorker.

James Brennan says: Look, am I gonna get in trouble? No one's ever supposed to lose a giant-ass panda.

Em Lewin says: Is it worth getting knifed over?

James Brennan says: No. Hi, I'm James Brennan. I just started.

Em Lewin says: Em, nice to meet you. Sucks you're gonna lose your job your second day, James.

James Brennan says: No. Shit! I need this job.

Em Lewin says: I'm kidding.You're okay. I'll tell Bobby you lost the panda at knife point.

James Brennan says: Who's that?

Em Lewin says: It's my stepmom. I don't think there's any pictures of my mom in here. She died two years ago.

James Brennan says: Really? I'm sorry.

Em Lewin says: My dad remarried last year. That's Francy. You see that unholy abomination on her head? It's a wig.

James Brennan says: Is it?

Em Lewin says: She had, like, a nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her. Lost all her hair. I would feel bad if she wasn't such a status-obsessed witch.

Em Lewin says: (referring to her step-mom) I can't believe my dad wants to be with that. Do you want to hear something fucked up?

Em Lewin says: [referring to her step-mom] I can't believe my dad wants to be with that. Do you want to hear something fucked up?

James Brennan says: What?

Em Lewin says: When my mom first started getting, like, really sick my dad starts going to temple. He's never been serious about his faith. But he decided to buddy up to God like he thought it was going to help save my mom. And that's where he met Francy. My mom loses her hair in chemo and my dad starts fucking a bald woman. It's just weird.

James Brennan says: I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that wall but they spelled it "Satin Lives".

James Brennan says: I think somebody was trying to write 'Satan Lives' on that wall but they spelled it 'Satin Lives'.

Em Lewin says: One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.

Em Lewin says: One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.

Columbus says: You should actually, limber up as well especially, if you're going down that hill its very important.

Tallahassee says: I don't believe in it. You ever seen a lion limber up before taking down a gazelle?

Columbus says: Woulda? Coulda? Shoulda?

Columbus says: It's amazing how quickly thing can go from 'bad' to 'total shit-storm'.

Columbus says: I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character.

Sean Parker says: Did you know this is where they filmed The Towering Inferno?

Mark Zuckerberg says: That's comforting.

Gage says: Do you think I deserve your full attention?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Mark Zuckerberg: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.

Gage says: Gage: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.

Gage says: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Mark Zuckerberg: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Mark Zuckerberg says: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Columbus says: Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.

Nick says: What is this?

Roger says: Rum and coke. I told him to mix it weak. We got a long way to go here.

Nick says: Okay. I don't drink.

Roger says: You kidding me? Take a drink.

Nick says: I don't put alcohol into my body.

Roger says: You drink that drink.

Jewel says: [running with chain on Her and Blu's ankle] OH this is just GREAT I'm chained to the ONLY bird in the world who CAN'T fly

Blu says: [offended] Not true! There are many different types of species.

Jewel says: [noticing an obstacle] Duck!

Blu says: No, ducks can fly

Jewel says: NO! DUCK! [they duck down]

Columbus says: oh america i wish i could tell you this is still america but ive come to realize that you cant have a country without people and there are no people here no my friends this is now the united states of zombieland

Columbus says: I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.

Erica Albright says: I'm sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education.

Mark Zuckerberg says: And I'm sorry I don't have a rowboat, so I guess we're even.

Columbus says: Can't we all drive down the road playing I - Spy or something like 4 normal americans?! Geez! Fuck me!

Columbus says: I avoided people like they were zombies before they were all zombies. Now that they are all zombies... I kinda miss people.

Linda says: Wow! You really are communicating!

Tulio says: Yes! I spoke to him by shaking my tail feathers, thus referring to his dominance.

Blu says: ....I did not get that at all...

Eduardo Saverin says: Who are you going to send that to?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Ah, just a couple of people. The question, is who are they going to send it to.

Columbus says: Rule #2 The Double tap.

Columbus says: Rule #2 The double tap.

Columbus says: Remember mad cow disease? Well mad cow became mad person became mad zombie.

Columbus says: Thank you Wichita, thanks Little Rock.

Tallahassee says: [takes gun from Little Rock and points it at her]

Witchita says: [stops car and points gun at Tallahassee]

Tallahassee says: [points gun at Wichita]

Columbus says: Oh, for fuck's sake, enough already! We're being chased by ravenous freaks, we don't have enough problems?! "They stole my Hummer. We have trust issues." We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I SPY or some shit like four normal-ass Americans?! Fuck me!!

Tallahassee says: Whoa.....

Columbus says: I know.

Nick says: Hotlanta? You know I know a little bit about it from rap music, and uh...it sounds like a fucked up place.

Gage says: Do you think I deserve your full attention?

Mark Zuckerberg says: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.

Gage says: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Ad Board Chairwoman says: Before we begin with our questioning you're allowed to make a statement, would you like to do so?

Mark Zuckerberg says: I've, You know, I've already apologize to the Crimson, to the ABHW...To Fuerza Latina, and to any women in Harvard may have been insulted as I take it that they were As for any charges stemming from the breach from the security,I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I've, You know, I've already apologize to the Crimson, to the ABHW... To Fuerza Latina, and to any women in Harvard may have been insulted as I take it that they were As for any charges stemming from the breach from the security,I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.

Ad Board Chairwoman says: I'm sorry?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Yes.

Blu says: Not cool man... Scary but not cool... Hey are you okay?

Jewel says: No... I am definitely not okay! (Begins slamming sides of the cage)

Jewel says: No... I am definitely not okay! [begins slamming sides of the cage]

Blu says: Whoa whoa whoa wait wait, what are you doing?

Jewel says: Getting out of here!

Blu says: Whoa

Blu says: Whoa.

Jewel says: Are you gonna help me or what?

Blu says: A-a-actually, all the survival guides say to sit and wait, Ow an-and help will come. (I am unsure about this part but I think it is cross referencing from Zombieland, which Jesse Eisenberg acted in. I thought this part was funny hearing it in this movie because he mentioned the same thing in Zombieland.)

Blu says: A-a-actually, all the survival guides say to sit and wait, Ow an-and help will come.

Jewel says: No one is coming, we're on our own and if we just sit here we are going to die...

Armando says: Yes, yes, yes (in unison with Tipa) Noooooo! (As Nigel turns off the tv)

Armando says: Yes, yes, yes [in unison with Tipa] Noooooo! [as Nigel turns off the TV]

Mark Zuckerberg says: I need to do something substantial & getting attention of the clubs.!

Mark Zuckerberg says: I need to do something substantial & getting attention of the clubs!

Erica Albright says: Why?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Because there is exclusive, fun & too better life.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Taking entire social experience of college & putting in online...

Mark Zuckerberg says: I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.

Nick says: You're twins, did you feel it when I was fucking her?

Mark Zuckerberg says: I went to my friend for the money because that's who I wanted to be partners with. Eduardo was the president of the Harvard Investors Association, and he was also my best friend.

Gage says: Your best friend is suing you for six hundred million dollars.

Mark Zuckerberg says: [Sarcastically] I didn't know that, tell me more.

Mark Zuckerberg says: [sarcastically] I didn't know that, tell me more.

Mark Zuckerberg says: If we could just go somewhere for a moment

Mark Zuckerberg says: If we could just go somewhere for a moment.

Erica Albright says: I don't want to be rude to my friends.

Mark Zuckerberg says: Okay.

Erica Albright says: Okay [pauses for a moment] Good luck with your video-game.

Erica Albright says: You called me a bitch on the Internet, Mark.

Mark Zuckerberg says: That's why I wanted to talk to you.

Erica Albright says: On the Internet.

Mark Zuckerberg says: That's why I came over.

Erica Albright says: Comparing women to farm animals.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I didn't end up doing that.

Mark Zuckerberg says: (On Blog) I'm a little intoxicated, I'm not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10pm and it's a tuesday night.

Mark Zuckerberg says: [on Blog] I'm a little intoxicated, I'm not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10pm and it's a tuesday night.

Mark Zuckerberg says: You know you really don’t need a forensic team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you’d have invented Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg says: You know you really don't need a forensic team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I think if your clients wanna sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have a right to give it a try, but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening people lie.

Bob says: I'm Bob.

Mark Zuckerberg says: How are you doing?

Bob says: You know, I could swear he was looking at you when he said that the next Bill Gates could be right in this room.

Mark Zuckerberg says: I doubt it.

Bob says: And I showed up late. I don't even know who the speaker was.

Mark Zuckerberg says: It was Bill Gates.

Em Lewin says: What the hell was that?

James Brennan says: It's just my life.

Gretchen says: 18,000 dollars?

Eduardo Saverin says: Yes.

Gretchen says: In addition to the $1,000 you'd already put up?

Gretchen says: A total of $19,000 now?

Mark Zuckerberg says: Hang on. [Mark sarcastically adds up the 2 amounts on his notepad] I'm just checking your math on that. Yes, I got the same thing.

Blu says: What kind of doctor are you?!

Blu says: What kind of doctor are you?

Blu says: Ah, this is the life. The perfect marshmallow-de-cocoa ratio. One, two, three, four, five...six!

Blu says: [Linda places his hot chocolate in front of him] Ah! This is the life. The perfect marshmallow-to-cocoa ratio. [counting the marshmallows]

Blu says: One, two, three, four, five [another marshmallow floats to the surface] six. Mmm.

Blu says: Okay, pull it together. The key is not to panic.

Jewel says: I'm not panicking.

Blu says: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to me.

Luiz says: Yeah, baby! Now I could get my freak on!

Blu says: Luiz, please! Rescue first, freak later!

Blu says: Uh Jewel....I....I..

Blu says: Uh Jewel... I... I...

Jewel says: How sweet your choking up. Oh your choking!!

Jewel says: Oh! Oh! You're choking! Uh, okay!

Columbus says: Let me begin my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful human being.

Columbus says: Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.

Tallahassee says: Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.

Columbus says: You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.

Columbus says: [to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.

Witchita says: You know between you, me and What About Bob?... You're actually kinda cute.

Witchita says: You know between you, me and What About Bob? You're actually kinda cute.

Columbus says: You think so?

Witchita says: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.

Witchita says: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.

Columbus says: Really?

Witchita says: Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.

Jewel says: I guess I thought maybe...

Jewel says: I... I... I guess I thought maybe...

Blu says: What? That you'd come to Minesotta? Great, I guess I'll knit you a scraf.

Blu says: What? That you... you'd come to Minnesota? [Jewel just looks at him]

Blu says: Great! I guess I... I'll knit you a scarf.

Raphael says: It's a party, huh?

Raphael says: Some party huh?

Blu says: This is the coolest place I've ever seen! Despite all of the obvious health code violations!

Blu says: This is the coolest place I've ever seen. Despite all the obvous health code violations.

Blu says: [dodges bike] Hey! Last of the species here!

Mark Zuckerberg says: If you had invented Facebook, you would have invented Facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg says: If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.

Chet says: Hey, what the hell? You were just sitting here the whole time?

Nick says: I caught the whole show. Really classy move at the end by the way. You put your tongue in her mouth right after you fucked it?

Chet says: Woman is kind enough, to provide me with fellatio services, I'm not just gonna dart out of there, I'm a gentlemen.

Nick says: Have a beer. The alcohol should wash the taste of yourself out of your mouth.

Blu says: [makes barking noises] See? I'm bilingual too!