Val Kilmer

Val Kilmer

Highest Rated: 93% True Romance (1993)

Lowest Rated: 0% Run for the Money (2002)

Birthday: Dec 31, 1959

Birthplace: Los Angeles, California, USA

Val Kilmer first made himself known as the chief rival of Tom Cruise in the blockbuster "Top Gun" (1986) before delivering an uncanny performance of poet-singer Jim Morrison in Oliver Stone's "The Doors" (1991) and a mesmerizing turn as Doc Holliday in "Tombstone" (1993). Following a strong supporting turn in Michael Mann's epic crime drama, "Heat" (1995), he starred in "The Island of Dr. Moreau" (1996). Kilmer also starred in such movies as "The Ghost and the Darkness" (1996), "The Saint" (1997) and "At First Sight" (1999) before taking on the crime thriller "The Salton Sea" (2002). Kilmer had his strongest performance in years as a gay private detective opposite Robert Downey, Jr.'s dimwitted thief in the hilarious "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" (2005), which led to a revitalization of his image as one of the most in-demand actors for both major Hollywood movies and independent films.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet No Score Yet Top Gun: Maverick Iceman (Character) - 2021
22% No Score Yet Paydirt Sheriff Tucker (Character) - 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet A Soldier's Revenge CJ (Character) - 2020
66% 93% Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Bluntman (Character) $2.8M 2019
No Score Yet No Score Yet 1st Born Biden (Character) - 2018
44% 37% Song to Song Duane (Character) $421.9K 2017
40% 64% The Super Walter (Character) - 2017
7% 18% The Snowman Rafto (Character) $6.7M 2017
No Score Yet 53% Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn Mark Twain (Character) - 2014
25% 49% Planes Bravo (Voice) $90.3M 2013
69% 49% Palo Alto Unknown (Character) $750.1K 2013
56% 64% Standing Up Hofstadder (Character) - 2013
No Score Yet 18% Riddle Sheriff Richards (Character) - 2013
No Score Yet 21% Wyatt Earp's Revenge Wyatt Earp (Character) - 2012
No Score Yet 5% 7 Below McCormick (Character) - 2012
No Score Yet 40% Breathless Dale (Character) - 2012
62% 67% Kill the Irishman Joe Manditski (Character) $1.2M 2011
26% 18% Twixt Hall Baltimore (Character) - 2011
34% 36% 5 Days of War Dutchman (Character) $17.1K 2011
No Score Yet 63% Deep in the Heart The Bearded Man (Character) $54.9K 2011
No Score Yet 20% Blood Out Arturo (Character) - 2011
20% 16% The Traveler Mr. Nobody/Drifter (Character) - 2010
50% 39% Provinces of Night Warren Bloodworth (Character) $9.6K 2010
48% 35% MacGruber Dieter Von Cunth (Character) $8.5M 2010
No Score Yet 25% Gun Angel (Character) - 2010
No Score Yet 50% American Cowslip Todd Inglebrink (Character) - 2009
No Score Yet 5% The Steam Experiment Jimmy (Character) - 2009
No Score Yet 23% The Thaw Dr. Kruipen (Character) - 2009
85% 57% Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans Stevie Pruit (Character) $1.7M 2009
No Score Yet 18% Double Identity Dr. Nicholas Pinter (Character) - 2009
No Score Yet 23% Hardwired Virgil (Character) - 2009
40% 17% Streets of Blood Det. Andy Deveraux (Character) - 2009
No Score Yet No Score Yet 2:22 Maz (Character) - 2008
No Score Yet 19% Conspiracy MacPherson (Character) - 2008
No Score Yet 54% Knight Rider K.I.T.T. (Voice) - 2008
63% 82% Felon John Smith (Character) - 2008
11% 26% Delgo Bogardus (Voice) $511.9K 2008
No Score Yet 25% American Meth Narrator - 2008
No Score Yet 93% Columbus Day John Cologne (Character) - 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Have Dreams, Will Travel Henderson (Character) - 2007
No Score Yet 11% Played Unknown (Character) - 2006
19% 52% 10th and Wolf Murtha (Character) $53.5K 2006
33% 15% Summer Love The Wanted Man (Character) - 2006
No Score Yet 6% Moscow Zero Andrey (Character) - 2006
56% 73% Déjà Vu Agent Pryzwarra (Character) $64M 2006
No Score Yet 40% The Ten Commandments: The Musical Moses (Character) - 2006
No Score Yet 75% Champion Himself (Character) - 2005
86% 87% Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Gay Perry (Character) $4.2M 2005
33% 75% Trudell Unknown (Character) $21.8K 2005
24% 57% Mindhunters Jake Harris (Character) $4.5M 2004
No Score Yet 32% Blind Horizon Actor (Character) - 2004
24% 60% Stateside SDI Skeer (Character) $174.3K 2004
16% 35% Alexander Philip (Character) $34.3M 2004
65% 62% Spartan Scott (Character) $4.4M 2004
34% 65% Wonderland John Holmes (Character) $1.1M 2003
24% 45% Masked and Anonymous Animal Wrangler (Character) $533.3K 2003
58% 50% The Missing Lt. Jim Ducharme (Character) $26.9M 2003
0% 21% Run for the Money FBI Agent Mark C. Cornell (Character) - 2002
64% 82% The Salton Sea Danny Parker/Tom Van Allen (Character) $676.7K 2002
14% 28% Red Planet Robby Gallagher (Character) $17.5M 2000
81% 74% Pollock Willem de Kooning (Character) $8.6M 2000
32% 46% At First Sight Virgil 'Virg' Adamson (Character) $22.4M 1999
67% 72% Joe the King Bob Henry (Character) $59K 1999
80% 76% The Prince of Egypt Moses, God (Voice) $101.3M 1998
30% 63% The Saint Simon Templar (Character) $61.4M 1997
No Score Yet 62% Dead Girl Dr. Dark (Character) - 1996
49% 75% The Ghost and the Darkness Col. John Henry Patterson (Character) $38.6M 1996
24% 20% The Island of Dr. Moreau Montgomery (Character) $27.7M 1996
39% 32% Batman Forever Bruce Wayne/Batman (Character) $182.5M 1995
87% 94% Heat Chris Shiherlis (Character) $66.2M 1995
No Score Yet No Score Yet Wings of Courage Jean Mermoz (Character) $15.1M 1995
22% 28% The Real McCoy J.T. Barker (Character) $6.3M 1993
74% 94% Tombstone Doc Holliday (Character) $55.9M 1993
93% 93% True Romance Mentor (Elvis) (Character) - 1993
89% 75% Thunderheart Ray Levoi (Character) $20.1M 1992
57% 79% The Doors James Douglas 'Jim' Morrison (Character) $32.7M 1991
No Score Yet 46% Kill Me Again Jack Andrews (Character) $112.8K 1989
No Score Yet 50% Billy the Kid William Bonney (Character) - 1989
51% 79% Willow Madmartigan (Character) $55.6M 1988
No Score Yet 96% The Man Who Broke 1,000 Chains Robert Eliot Burns/Eliot Roberts (Character) - 1987
54% 83% Top Gun Lt. Tom "Iceman" Kazanski (Character) $179.8M 1986
No Score Yet 36% The Murders in the Rue Morgue Phillipe Huron (Character) - 1986
73% 83% Real Genius Chris Knight (Character) $130.8K 1985
77% 80% Top Secret! Nick Rivers (Character) - 1984

TV

Credit
No Score Yet No Score Yet Entertainment Tonight Guest 2020
No Score Yet No Score Yet Good Morning America Guest 2020
No Score Yet 91% Robot Chicken Unknown (Guest Voice) 2014
81% 72% The Spoils of Babylon U.S. Army General (Character) 2014
No Score Yet No Score Yet Conan Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Larry King Now Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Guest 2013
No Score Yet No Score Yet Saturday Night Live Unknown (Guest Star),
Host
2011 2000
No Score Yet No Score Yet XIII: The Conspiracy Unknown (Character) 2008
9% No Score Yet Knight Rider Unknown (Character) 2008
No Score Yet No Score Yet Comanche Moon Unknown (Character) 2008
No Score Yet 93% Numb3ers Unknown (Guest Star) 2007
66% 83% Entourage The Sherpa (Guest Star) 2004
No Score Yet No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Guest 2004 2002

QUOTES FROM Val Kilmer CHARACTERS

Gallagher says: Alternate high-voltage-energy source... . come and get me.

Gallagher says: Alternate high-voltage-energy source. Come and get me.

Gallagher says: Hey sweetie.

Gallagher says: Hey sweetie.

Chip Pettengill says: Sweetie ? Is she our navigator or your girlfriend ?

Chip Pettengill says: Sweetie? Is she our navigator or your girlfriend?

Gallagher says: It`s been a long flight.

Gallagher says: It`s been a long flight.

Chip Pettengill says: Certainly has.

Chip Pettengill says: Certainly has.

Gallagher says: Maybe life`s more mysterious than you think it is.

Gallagher says: It`s been a long flight.

Chip Pettengill says: Certainly has.

Gallagher says: We can breathe !

Gallagher says: We can breathe!

Dr. Quinn Burchenal says: I don`t know what the hell this is but I`ll take it !

Dr. Quinn Burchenal says: I don`t know what the hell this is but I`ll take it!

Chip Pettengill says: It`s weird. There`s nothing here.

Gallagher says: It`s Mars.

Doc Holliday says: Ed, what an ugly thing to say... does this mean we're not friends anymore? You know, Ed, if I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it.

Robby Gallagher says: God works in mysterious ways.

Robby Gallagher says: God works in mysterious ways.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: I don't blend in at a family picnic.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: We all wear masks.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Just like my parents. Its happening again... a monster comes out of the night, a scream, 2 shots.... I killed them.

Alfred Pennyworth says: What did you say?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: He killed them, Two-Face. He slaughtered that boys parents.

Alfred Pennyworth says: No, no you said "I" "I killed them".

Dr. Chase Meridian says: My opinion? This letter writer is a total wacko.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Wacko? that a technical term?

Dr. Chase Meridian says: Patient may suffer from obsessional syndrome with potential homicidal tendencies. Does that work better for you?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: So, what you're saying is, this guy's a total wacko?

Dr. Chase Meridian says: Exactly.He's obsessed with you. His only escape may be to purge the fixation.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: To kill me.

Dr. Chase Meridian says: I think you understand obsession more than you let on.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: ...... You have a thing for bats?

Dr. Chase Meridian says: Oh that's a Rorschach Mr. Wayne, an ink blot, people see what they want. I think the question would be, do you have a thing for a bats?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: You need help Harvey!

Jim Morrison says: The quote is from William Blake. "When the doors of perception are cleansed, things will appear as they really are."

Danny Parker says: For the people who don't do drugs, or just do them occasionally, it's something that becomes your life, and you belong. You finally hit bottom and you know who you are, because you can't go any lower. When you find... a friendship that you wouldn't have found anywhere else. Still and all, there's a kind of intimacy with those that can go the distance. Sometimes you see the world so clearly... and you know just what to do, and just when to do it. Just what you should've done, and when you should've done it.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Can I give up? Can I leave the shadows?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Hang on.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: The Bat-Signal is not a Beeper.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: What do you suggest Alfred, by sea? or by air?

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Why not both?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Who's your tailor?

Alfred Pennyworth says: I took the liberty sir.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: R? what's that stand for?

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Robin. Riddler and Two-Face could make a pretty lethal combination, figured you could use a hand.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Two against Two are better odds.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: A man's got to go his own way, a friend taught me that.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Not just a friend.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: A partner.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face. He took my whole life. And when I was out there tonight, I imagined it was him that I was fighting, even when I was fighting you... and all the pain went away. Do you understand?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Yes I do.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Good, cause you got to help me find him, and when we do, I'm the one who kills him.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: So you're willing to take a life?

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Long as it's Two-Face.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Then, It will happen this way, you make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another. Until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life... and you won't know why.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: You can't understand, your family wasn't killed by a maniac!

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Yes they were... We're the same.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Then if we're the same Bruce, help me, alright? Train me, let me be your partner.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: No... I can't... you still have a choice.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Look Bruce, I'm a part of this whether you like it not.

Robin / Dick Grayson says: Bastard! it should have been you! it's your fault! if you'd have told Two-Face who you were at the circus, they'd still be alive!

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: If Bruce Wayne could have given his life for your family, he would have.

Doc Holliday says: Oh, Johnny, I apologize; I forgot you were there. You may go now.

Jake Harris says: Are you having fun yet? I'm having fun.

Jake Harris says: Here we are in Crimetown, USA, where all the residents are dead, or soon will be.

Jake Harris says: Your most lethal weapon isn't your firearm, It's your brain.

King Philip II says: All your life, beware of women, Alexander. They are much more dangerous than men.

Robby Gallagher says: "Kill him."

Robby Gallagher says: Kill him.

Robby Gallagher says: (to AMEE robot) "Hey, sweetie."

Robby Gallagher says: Hey, sweetie.

Chip Pettengill says: "Sweetie ? Is she our navigator or your girlfriend ?"

Chip Pettengill says: Sweetie? Is she our navigator or your girlfriend?

Robby Gallagher says: "Hard to believe they're the good guys."

Robby Gallagher says: Hard to believe they're the good guys.

Gay Perry says: That's impossible. They don't even know you. They couldn't possibly...

Harry Lockhart says: No they couldn't. You're right. And since the body can't be here and this is all a dream and oh look, there's Elmo the Elf. Good morning Elmo. What's in your basket?!

Harry Lockhart says: No, they couldn't. You're right. And since the body can't be here and this is all a dream and oh look, there's Elmo the Elf. Good morning Elmo. What's in your basket?

Robby Gallagher says: "Aw, man. I saw Elvis."

Robby Gallagher says: Aw, man. I saw Elvis.

Robby Gallagher says: "I'm gonna die on this planet."

Robby Gallagher says: I'm gonna die on this planet.

Robby Gallagher says: "That's my kind of girl."

Robby Gallagher says: That's my kind of girl.

Staff Sgt. Skeer says: You are here because you could not be trained to become men by the mothers of America.

Gay Perry says: Okay. You've got thirty of my fucking seconds. Thrill me.

Rameses says: Why can't things go back to the way they were?

Moses / God says: Because no kingdom should built on the backs of slaves.

Doc Holliday says: Maybe poker just isn't your game. I've got an idea let's have a spelling contest.

Doc Holliday says: Maybe poker just isn't your game. I've got an idea let's have a spelling contest.

Doc Holliday says: I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Assistant says: Can I fix you a sandwich for your drive, sir?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: I'll take drive-thru.

Gay Perry says: Is that it?

Harry Lockhart says: No, that's the other corpse from the last guy who stayed here.

Gay Perry says: Go. sleep badly. any questions, hesitate to call.

Harry Lockhart says: Bad.

Gay Perry says: Excuse me?

Harry Lockhart says: Bad. Sleep bad. Otherwise it seems like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...

Gay Perry says: What, fuckhead? Badly's an adverb. Who taught you grammar? Get out.

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson says: Why you doin' this, Doc?

Doc Holliday says: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson says: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.

Doc Holliday says: â?¦ I donâ??t.

Doc Holliday says: I don't.

Virgil Adamson says: As a blind man, I think I see a lot better than when I as sighted...because I think we don't really see with our eyes. I think we live in darkness when we don't really see what's real about ourselves.

Virgil Adamson says: Seeing sucks.

Amy Benic says: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to see?

Virgil Adamson says: Sure. Like,uh, if there's life on Mars, or whether or not the aliens built the Pyramids.

Gay Perry says: Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?

Cunth says: I was talking to the missile.

Gay Perry says: I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls.

Doc Holliday says: I'm your Huckleberry, that's just my game.

Gay Perry says: Merry Christmas, sorry I fucked you over.

Harry Lockhart says: No problem. Don't quit your gay job.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: I see without seeing, to me, darkness is as clear as daylight, what am I?

Riddler/Edward Nygma says: Please. You're as blind as a bat.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Exactly!

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: I'm Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to, it because I choose to, I choose to be Batman Forever.

Alfred Pennyworth says: I'm sorry to bother you sir. I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Is he alright?

Alfred Pennyworth says: I'm afraid Master Dick has gone traveling. Actually, he took the car.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: He boosted the Jag?

Alfred Pennyworth says: Not the Jaguar. The other car.

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: The Bentley?

Alfred Pennyworth says: No sir...the other car.

Willow Ufgood says: Don't call me a peck!

Madmartigan says: Oh, I'm sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck!

Tom Kasanzky says: You can be my wingman anytime

Tom Kasanzky says: You can be my wingman anytime.

Moses / God says: What do you want with me?

Moses / God says: I have seen the oppression of my people in Egypt and have heard their cry. So I have come down to deliver them out of slavery and bring them to a good land; a land flowing with milk and honey. And so onto Pharaoh I shall send you.

Moses / God says: Me? Who am I to lead these people? They'll never believe me. They won't even listen.

Moses / God says: I shall teach you what to say. *echoes* Let my people go!

Moses / God says: But I was their enemy. I was the Prince of Egypt, the son of the man who slaughtered their children. You-You've chosen the wrong messenger. H-How can I even speak to these people?

Moses / God says: *with anger* Who made man's power? Who made the deaf, the mute, the seeing and the blind? Was it not I? Now go! *soothing* Oh, Moses. I shall be with you when you go to the king of Egypt, but Pharaoh will not listen. So I will stretch out my hand and smite Egypt with all my wonders. Take the staff in your hand Moses. With it, you shall do my wonders. I shall be with you, Moses. Moses. Moses.

Moses / God says: Who are you?

Moses / God says: I am that I am.

Moses / God says: I don't understand.

Moses / God says: I am the God of your ancestors: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Moses / God says: *whispering* Moses.

Moses / God says: Here I am.

Alfred Pennyworth says: Do you want to take a sandwich with you, sir?

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: I'll get drive-thru.

Moses / God says: Rameses, your stubbornness is bringing this misery upon Egypt. It would cease if only you would let the Hebrews go.

Rameses says: I will not be dictated to. I will not be threatened. I am the morning and the evening star. I am Pharaoh.

Moses / God says: But something else is coming, something much worse than anything before. Please. Let go of your contempt for life before you destroy everything you all dear. Think of your son.

Rameses says: I do. You Hebrews have been nothing but trouble. My father had the right idea about how to deal with your people.

Moses / God says: Rameses.

Rameses says: And I think it's time I finished the job.

Rameses says: And there shall be a great cry in all of Egypt, such as never has been or ever will be again.

Moses / God says: Rameses you bring this upon yourself.

Moses / God says: Well that went well.

Rameses says: Just go away.

Moses / God says: It could have been worse.

Rameses says: "The weak link in the chain." That's what he called me.

Rameses says: 'The weak link in the chain.' That's what he called me.

Moses / God says: *jokingly* Well, you are rather pathetic.

Rameses says: Irresponsible, ignorant of the traditions. He practically accused me of bringing down the dynasty.

Moses / God says: *jokingly* Yeah I can see it now: there go the pyramids.

Rameses says: You can laugh about it.

Moses / God says: *jokingly*Statues cracking and toppling over, the Nile drying up. Single-handedly, you will manage to bring the greatest kingdom on earth to ruin.

Sorsha says: You lost your skirt.

Madmartigan says: I've still got what counts.

Willow Ufgood says: What are you giving her?

Madmartigan says: Just some blackroot.

Willow Ufgood says: Blackroot! Didn't you ever hear that you never ever give a baby blackroot?

Madmartigan says: Nonsense! I was weaned on blackroot! It's good for her. Puts hair on her chest. Doesn't it Nibs?

Willow Ufgood says: Her name is NOT Nibs! It's Elora Dannen, and she's a princess. And the last thing she's going to want is a hairy chest!

Doc Holliday says: "Why Johnny Ringo. You look like someone just...walked over your grave."

Doc Holliday says: Why Johnny Ringo. You look like someone just...walked over your grave.

Doc Holliday says: I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Doc Holliday says: I have two guns...one for each of ya

Doc Holliday says: I have two guns...one for each of ya.

Llug says: Wanna breed?

Madmartigan says: err... tempting but, no!

Madmartigan says: Err... tempting but, no!

Gay Perry says: You! Stop multiplying.

Robby Gallagher says: Fuck this planet!

Robby Gallagher says: I can breathe!

Tom Kasanzky says: You really are a bunch of cowboys.

Lt. Pete Mitchell says: What's your problem Kasanzky?

Tom Kasanzky says: You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up there you're "unsafe". I don't like you because you're dangerous.

Tom Kasanzky says: You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up there you're 'unsafe'. I don't like you because you're dangerous.

Lt. Pete Mitchell says: That's right Ice..man! I am dangerous.

Tom Kasanzky says: [chomps]

Lt. Pete Mitchell says: [laughs]

Doc Holliday says: It seems poker just ain't your game! I know... How about a spelling contest?

MacGruber says: So what's going on??

MacGruber says: So what's going on?

Vicki says: Well it looks as if that handsome guy has some kind of tie to Cunth's men.

MacGruber says: You think he's handsome do you?

Vicki says: Well yeah kind of...

Cunth says: Well why don't you marry him then!! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!

Cunth says: Well why don't you marry him then! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!

Tom Kasanzky says: The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room

Tom Kasanzky says: The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room.

Chris Knight says: "This is under H for toy."

Chris Knight says: 'This is under H for toy.'

Chris Knight says: This? This is Ice, this is what happens when water gets too cold; This, this is Kent, this is what happens when one gets too sexually frustrated

Chris Knight says: This? This is Ice, this is what happens when water gets too cold; This, this is Kent, this is what happens when one gets too sexually frustrated.

Chris Knight says: Self-Realization Mitch. In the immortal words of our beloved Socrates when he said, " I drank what?"

Chris Knight says: Self-Realization Mitch. In the immortal words of our beloved Socrates when he said, 'I drank what?'

Jim Morrison says: I believe in a long prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown... Although I live in the subconscious, our pale reason hides the infinite from us.

Gay Perry says: Look up idiot in the dictionary and you know what you'll find?

Harry Lockhart says: A... picture of my face?

Gay Perry says: No! The definition of the word idiot which you fucking are!

Joe Manditski says: You think the luck of the Irish is gonna save you

Joe Manditski says: You really think the luck of the Irish is going to save you?

Joe Manditski says: ...I'll cut your fuckin heart out with a rusty butter knife and eat it while it's still beating.

Joe Manditski says: I will cut your fucking heart out with a rusty butter knife and eat it while it's still beating.

Bill Clanton says: Hah! Drunk piano player...you're so drunk you can't hit nothing. In fact - you're probably seeing double. [draws knife]

Bill Clanton says: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double. [Billy Clanton draws a knife]

Doc Holliday says: [draws a second pistol] I have two guns...one for each of you.

Doc Holliday says: [takes out a second gun] I have two guns, one for each of ya.

Madmartigan says: "I am the greatest swordsman to ever live."

Madmartigan says: I am the greatest swordsman that ever lived.

Gay Perry says: Okay, first things first. We gotta move [the corpse] somewhere. You got gloves?

Harry Lockhart says: Excuse me?

Gay Perry says: Gloves. Do you have gloves? You have to move her. If it's a frame-up, some asshole's calling the cops on you. Do this: wrap up the body in a blanket, a sheet, anything.

Harry Lockhart says: Okay uh, any particular kind of gloves?

Gay Perry says: Yes, fawn. Will you fucking hurry?

Queen Bavmorda says: If I had to pick a day I would probably say Sunday.

Madmartigan says: That would be a good choice

Madmartigan says: That would be a good choice.

Tom Kasanzky says: You're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous.

Lt. Pete Mitchell says: That's right, Iceman! I am dangerous.

Gay Perry says: And to all you good people in the midwest,we're sorry we said f**k so much

Gay Perry says: And to all you good people in the midwest, we're sorry we said f**k so much.

Madmartigan says: I'd say two or three hundred horses, five or six wagons... and about a thousand fools.

Madmartigan says: I'd say two or three hundred horses, five or six wagons... and about a thousand fools.

Madmartigan says: It...went away.

Madmartigan says: It... went away.

Warren Bloodworth says: I guess God told you that.

Dutchman says: So you guys got a... plan yet?

Frank says: Memorable as I can't remember what.

Vicki says: Stick it where the sun don't shine, Deiter!

Cunth says: Yeah, and where might that be?

Vicki says: Up your butt? Up your butt-hole.

Gay Perry says: Go, sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call...

Gay Perry says: Go, sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.

Doc Holliday says: I'm dying. How are you?

Doc Holliday says: I'm dying, how are you?

Doc Holliday says: You look like somebody just walked over your grave.

Doc Holliday says: [to Johnny Ringo] Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.

Wyatt Earp says: You tell 'em I'm comin' and Hell is comin' with me, you hear? Hell's comin' with me!

Doc Holliday says: You tell 'em I'm coming, and hell's coming with me, you hear? [louder] Hell's coming with me!

Wyatt Earp says: You tell 'em I'm coming, and hell's coming with me, you hear? [louder] Hell's coming with me!

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: chicks dig the car

Batman / Bruce Wayne says: Chicks love the car.

Moses / God says: Rameses! Let my people go!

Moses / God says: Rameses, let my people go!