Will Forte

You need to focus on saving the world. Be a hero.

OK. You're right, sir.

Excellent! Let's go!

Please have some humanitarian aids as a gesture of our goodwill.

The choice is yours, son. Live up to your full potential, or walk away and let the food monsters destroy Lady Liberty.

Can your ideas change the world?

Greetings, friends, and Namaste.

Did you ever want to farm like your Dad?

I don't remember.

Did you ever want a farm like your dad?

I don't remember... and it doesn't matter.

How did you and Mom end up getting married?

Oh, she wanted to.

And you didn't?

I figured, what the hell.

Were you ever sorry you married her?

All the time.

So, you told the sheriff that you were walking to Nebraska?

That's right. To get my million dollars.

How did she die?

She looked in the mirror and saw how ugly she was.

Does he have Alzheimer's?

No, he just believes what people tell him.

Oh, that's too bad.

What's the statue of limitations on bullshit?

You gotta stop it, okay?

Wait.... Im a virgin

Wait, I'm a virgin.

Shhhhhh...... not for long

Shhhhhh... not for long.

I'm gonna cut your dick off

Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and...

Well I bet you wish your nose was a dick...so you could use it fuck butts!

I have one important question that I need you to answer for me right now, are you with us?

Are you a cup?

No, you rejected me because I was too awesome for you.

Well, then, if you'll excuse me, it's time to go pound some Cunth.

"Stay with me!"

Stay with me!

"His heart's out of his body fella, I don't think he's gonna make it."

His heart's out of his body fella, I don't think he's gonna make it.

The city of Swallow Valley pays me to not sell swords!

Well they were fucking great guys, and it's a fucking asshole of a day.

You walk around like your shit dont stink. Well I've got news for you, your shit does stink (Sniffs) It stinks like shit!

You walk around like your shit dont stink. Well I've got news for you, your shit does stink [sniffs] It stinks like shit!

So what's going on??

So what's going on?

Well it looks as if that handsome guy has some kind of tie to Cunth's men.

You think he's handsome do you?

Well yeah kind of...

Well why don't you marry him then!! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!

Well why don't you marry him then! Why don't you quite the case and marry him I'm being serious!

Allegedly! I do have to say that for legal purposes.

It is imperative Cunth doesn't get his hands on those codes.

Ok thanks before you said that I thought it would be fine if he got them.

I'll suck your dick.

But Vicki what about your music...?

But Vicki what about your music?

(sings) It can wait.....

[sings] It can wait...

And no you can't ride in the trunk bud! Cuz the trunk is packed full of 45 pounds worth of homemade C4 explosives that I personally packed with these two ha...(BOOM!!!!!)

And no you can't ride in the trunk bud! Cuz the trunk is packed full of 45 pounds worth of homemade C4 explosives that I personally packed with these two ha...[explodes]

How's your nose, rookie?

It's fine. I just banged it into a giant vagina.

So, my face is a vagina, huh? Well, I bet you wish your nose was a dick... so you could fuck butts.

What the fuck are you doing with a rope on your cock at my wedding?

Shut your butt!

Where have you been?

Sorry, I just took an upper decker in the master bathroom

Upper decker?

Yeah it's when you poop in the water tank and not in the bowl. You look great!

Yeah it's when you poop in the water tank, and not in the bowl. You look great!

He's clean.

Yeah, as clean as a pig dick!

Awesome! Got another throat rip in!

(disturbed) Cool.

I might go for the Turkey.

The "turkey"?

The 'turkey'?

Yeah, its a bowling term for when you get three strikes in a row and I apply that to throat rips.

That's sick.

Maybe, but if rippin' throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many dicks as I-- uh ba, rip as many throats as I have to! Did you here that?

No

Ok, good.

Time to go pound some Cunth!

And then I told her "not for long", and then, we rammed.

And then I told her 'not for long', and then, we rammed.

You what?

I rammed her. I don't wanna use the F-word because I dont' wanna diminish it's beauty in any way. But it was fucking great and I've never felt that way about a bone-session before.

"Hi, can I get a small skinny latte"

Hi, can I get a small skinny latte.

Hi, can I get a small skinny latte.

Can I have a small latte.

"No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea"

No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea.

No no no! That's NOT what MacGruber would order, I'm all about the large tazo tea.

Nope no no! MacGruber would never order that, I'm all about the large Tazo tea.

"Oh sorry, could I change that to a large tazo tea"

Oh sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.

Oh sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.

I'm sorry, could I change that to a large Tazo tea.

"Yeah sure, anything else?"

Yeah sure, anything else?

Yeah sure, anything else?

Sure, anything else?

"NOOOO"

NOOOO.

NOOOO.

NOOOO.

"NO! Sorry"

NO! Sorry.

NO! Sorry.

Can I get your name.

MacGruber.