Woody Allen

Woody Allen

Highest Rated: 100% Broadway Danny Rose (1984)

Lowest Rated: 14% Company Man (2001)

Birthday: Dec 1, 1935

Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York, USA

Actor, director, screenwriter, and playwright Woody Allen redefined film comedy during the 1970s, bringing a new measure of sophistication and personal complexity to the form. Drawing universal insight from the traditions of Yiddish humor, Allen established himself both as a comic Everyman and one of American filmmaking's true auteurs, writing and directing features which broke with established narrative conventions and infused the screen-comedy form with unprecedented substance and depth.Born Allen Stewart Konigsberg in Brooklyn, NY, on December 1, 1935, he adopted his stage name at the age of 17, and in 1953 enrolled in New York University's film program, quickly failing the course "Motion Picture Production" and soon dropping out of school to begin writing for comedian David Alber for the sum of 20 dollars a week. Two years later, Allen graduated to writing for television, working on the staff of the legendary Your Show of Shows, as well as penning material for Pat Boone. During his five-year tenure in television, his efforts won him an Emmy nomination, but like Mel Brooks, Allen found his writing career stifling, and he eventually decided to try his hand as a standup performer. After slowly gaining a reputation on the New York-club circuit, he became a frequent talk show guest and in 1964 issued his self-titled debut comedy LP.In 1965, Allen made his film debut, writing and starring in the Clive Donner farce What's New, Pussycat?; he also continued his standup career, but his interest in live performance was clearly waning. With 1966's What's Up, Tiger Lily?, a puckish re-tooling of a Japanese spy thriller complete with his own story line and dubbed English dialogue, he made his directorial debut. After appearing in the 1967 James Bond spoof Casino Royale, his rise to fame continued when his play Don't Drink the Water was produced on Broadway. In 1969 Allen directed two short films for a CBS television special: Cupid's Shaft, a satire of Charlie Chaplin's City Lights, and an adaptation of Pygmalion. However, Allen's career as a filmmaker fully took flight with the gangster send-up Take the Money and Run (1969), in which he starred, co-wrote, and directed. His status as an auteur was further solidified with 1971's Bananas and the following year's episodic Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Allen next appeared in Herbert Ross's 1972 feature Play It Again, Sam, followed by his own return to the director's chair for 1973's futuristic comedy Sleeper. While remaining as outlandish as his previous work, 1975's period comedy Love and Death signaled Allen's desire for respect as a serious filmmaker.Allen's breakthrough was 1977's Best Picture-winning Annie Hall; bittersweet and deeply personal, it established a new kind of comedy -- soul-searching and sophisticated, even the film's nonlinear narrative was experimental. A major commercial hit as well as a critical success, Annie Hall announced a new era of intelligence and complexity in American comedies, but Allen himself subsequently turned away from humor completely with 1978's Interiors, a brooding drama inspired by the films of his hero Ingmar Bergman. While earning a pair of Oscar nominations, the feature received wildly mixed reviews.With 1979's Manhattan, however, Allen's comic impulses and his desire for respect met halfway, and the results were remarkable; an autobiographical ode to his beloved New York City set against the music of George Gershwin, the film, luminously shot in black-and-white, was widely hailed as a masterpiece, and remains one of his definitive works. Its follow-up, 1980's Stardust Memories, recalled Federico Fellini's 8 1/2 in its depiction of a filmmaker torn between his audience's desire for comedy and his own aspirations toward more fulfilling work. Bergman was again the inspiration behind 1982's A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy, the first of Allen's films to star new paramour Mia Farrow; his fascination with his o

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
86% What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael Actor 2019
57% A Rainy Day in New York Screenwriter Director 2019
56% Always at the Carlyle Actor 2018
31% Wonder Wheel Director Producer Screenwriter 2017
71% Café Society Director Screenwriter $11.1M 2016
47% Irrational Man Screenwriter Director 2015
51% Magic in the Moonlight Screenwriter Director 2014
55% Fading Gigolo Murray $3.2M 2014
44% The Unbelievers Actor 2013
94% Casting By Actor $14.5K 2013
No Score Yet Marvin Hamlisch: What He Did For Love Himself 2013
91% Blue Jasmine Screenwriter Director 2013
43% Paris Manhattan Himself 2013
No Score Yet Trespassing Bergman Actor 2013
No Score Yet Un Voyageur Actor 2013
46% To Rome with Love Screenwriter Director Jerry $16.6M 2012
No Score Yet Erroll Garner: No One Can Hear You Read Actor 2012
93% Midnight in Paris Director Screenwriter $55.5M 2011
90% Woody Allen: A Documentary Actor 2011
46% You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger Director Screenwriter $3.3M 2010
50% Whatever Works Director Screenwriter $5.4M 2009
81% Vicky Cristina Barcelona Director Screenwriter $23.2M 2008
84% Glass: A Portrait of Philip in Twelve Parts Actor 2008
46% Cassandra's Dream Screenwriter Director $0.9M 2007
No Score Yet Brother Theodore Actor 2007
No Score Yet Le Cirque: A Table in Heaven Actor 2007
No Score Yet Je t'aime... moi non plus: Artistes et critiques Actor 2007
41% Scoop Screenwriter Director Sid Waterman $10.5M 2006
65% The Outsider Actor 2006
77% Match Point Screenwriter Director $23.2M 2005
44% The Ballad of Greenwich Village Actor 2005
52% Melinda and Melinda Screenwriter Director $3.8M 2005
No Score Yet Filmakers In Action (Cineastes en acció) Actor 2005
95% Charlie: The Life and Art of Charles Chaplin Actor 2004
40% Anything Else Director David Dobel Screenwriter $3.2M 2003
No Score Yet Woody Allen: A Life in Film Himself 2002
46% Hollywood Ending Val Director Screenwriter $4.8M 2002
46% The Curse of the Jade Scorpion C.W. Briggs Screenwriter Director $6.8M 2001
83% Light Keeps Me Company Actor 2001
14% Company Man Lowther 2001
86% Stanley Kubrick: A Life in Pictures Actor 2001
66% Small Time Crooks Director Screenwriter Ray Winkler 2000
No Score Yet Picking Up the Pieces Tex 2000
77% Sweet and Lowdown himself Screenwriter Director 1999
62% The Impostors Producer (uncredited) 1999
40% Celebrity Director Screenwriter 1998
92% Antz Z 1998
86% Wild Man Blues Actor 1998
73% Deconstructing Harry Director Harry Block Screenwriter 1997
No Score Yet The Sunshine Boys Al Lewis 1997
79% Everyone Says I Love You Joe Screenwriter Director 1996
77% Mighty Aphrodite Screenwriter Director Lenny Winerib 1995
44% Don't Drink the Water Screenwriter Walter Hollander Director 1994
97% Bullets Over Broadway Director Screenwriter 1994
No Score Yet Academy Award Winners, The First 50 Years: Volume 10 - Hollywood Comes to Age Actor 1994
93% Manhattan Murder Mystery Screenwriter Director Larry Lipton 1993
93% Husbands and Wives Director Prof. Gabriel 'Gabe' Roth Gabe Roth Screenwriter 1992
50% Shadows and Fog Kleinman Screenwriter Director 1992
32% Scenes from a Mall Nick Fifer 1991
75% Alice Screenwriter Director 1990
93% Crimes and Misdemeanors Screenwriter Clifford Stern Director 1989
75% New York Stories Screenwriter Director Sheldon Mills $10.8M 1989
64% Another Woman Director Screenwriter 1988
67% September Director Screenwriter 1987
50% King Lear Mr. Alien 1987
89% Radio Days Screenwriter The Narrator Narrator Director 1987
91% Hannah and Her Sisters Director Screenwriter Mickey 1986
92% The Purple Rose of Cairo Screenwriter Director 1985
100% Broadway Danny Rose Director Danny Rose Screenwriter 1984
100% Zelig Leonard Zelig 1983
77% A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy Director Screenwriter Andrew 1982
68% Stardust Memories Sandy Bates Director Screenwriter 1980
95% Manhattan Director Screenwriter Isaac Davis 1979
79% Interiors Screenwriter Director 1978
98% Annie Hall Alvy Singer Screenwriter Director 1977
71% The Front Howard Prince 1976
No Score Yet America at the Movies Actor 1976
100% Love and Death Screenwriter Boris Director 1975
100% Sleeper Director Screenwriter Miles Monroe 1973
87% Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask Fool Fabrizio Cowardly Sperm Victor Director 1972
97% Play It Again, Sam Allan Screenwriter 1972
81% Bananas Screenwriter Director Fielding Mellish 1971
90% Take the Money and Run Director Virgil Starkwell Screenwriter 1969
26% Casino Royale Jimmy Bond 1967
81% What's Up, Tiger Lily? Screenwriter Director Narrator/Host/Voices Himself/Dub Voice/Projectionist Producer 1966
29% What's New, Pussycat? Screenwriter Victor 1965
No Score Yet To My Great Chagrin: Brother Theodore Actor

TV

Credit
18% Crisis in Six Scenes
2016
Creator Screenwriter Director Sidney J. Munsinger 2016
No Score Yet American Masters
2001
Appearing 2011
No Score Yet Crisis in six scenes (inactive)
Screenwriter Director

QUOTES FROM Woody Allen CHARACTERS

Gabe Roth says: I'd hate to be your boyfriend; he must go through hell.

Rain says: Well, I'm worth it.

Isaac Davis says: New York was his town, and it always would be.

Fielding Mellish says: I was always, ah, I was always very shy when it came to girls. I, I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille and I used to rub the dirty parts.

Semple says: I'm sorry to disappoint you but I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a warm, wonderful human being.

Fielding Mellish says: Uh, would the clerk read that statement back, please?

Prosecutor says: I've known Fielding Mellish for years and he's a rotten, conniving, dishonest little rat.

Fielding Mellish says: Okay, I just wanted to make sure you were getting it.

Murray says: Loved the movie from beginning to end. Great chemistry John Turturro and Allen. Laughed and was transported to another very sophisticated world for the entire film

Andrew says: Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Val Waxman says: Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Boris says: If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Countess Alexandrovna says: You're the greatest lover I've ever had.

Boris says: I practice a lot when I'm alone.

Virgil Starkwell says: Nobody's going to be wearing beige to a bank robbery, it's in poor taste.

Virgil Starkwell says: All I know is my heart was really pounding and I felt, I felt a funny tingling all over, you know, and I, I don't know, I was either in love or, ah, I had smallpox.

Virgil Starkwell says: And he said, "Well, do I think that sex is dirty", and I , I said, "It is if you're doing it right."

Virgil Starkwell says: When she asked me some questions about Mozart, she got suspicious 'cause, ah, for a minute, ya know, I couldn't place the name.

Virgil Starkwell says: And here I'm lying through my teeth, I mean I, I can't tell Louise that I was in jail and that I rob and steal and never did an honest day's work in my life 'cause, you know, a lot of people hold those things against you.

Fielding Mellish says: Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

Esposito says: You have a chance to die for freedom.

Fielding Mellish says: Yes, well, freedom is wonderful. On the other hand, if you're dead, it's a tremendous drawback to your sex life.

Fielding Mellish says: I move for a mistrial! Do you realize there's not a single homosexual on that jury?

Judge says: Yes there is.

Fielding Mellish says: Oh, really, which one? Is it the big guy at the end?

Fielding Mellish says: We fell in love. I fell in love - she just stood there.

Fielding Mellish says: I love Eastern philosophy. It's... it's metaphysical, and redundant. Abortively pedantic.

Fielding Mellish says: Blood! That should be on the inside!

Nancy says: Have you ever been to Denmark?

Fielding Mellish says: I've been, yes... to the Vatican.

Nancy says: The Vatican? The Vatican is in Rome.

Fielding Mellish says: Well, they were doing so well in Rome that they opened one in Denmark.

Boris says: There are worse things in life than death. If you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman you know what I mean.

Boris says: The key here, I think, is not to think of death as an end. But to think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

Larry Lipton says: There's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.

Miles Monroe says: Do I believe in God? I'm what you call a teleological, existential atheist. I believe there's an intelligence in the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.

Mickey's Father says: You're gonna believe in Jesus Christ now?

Mickey says: I know. It sounds funny. But I'm gonna try.

Alvy Singer says: In California, they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into TV shows.

Jerry says: If you're channeling Freud, ask for my money back.

Jerry says: What do you have against live people? Your whole life you can't just be with people who have rigor mortis.

Jerry says: I can't unclench when there's turbulence. You know, I'm an atheist.

Annie Hall says: Do you want chocolate milk?

Alvy Singer says: What am I your son?

Sid Waterman says: Excitement in my life is dinner without heartburn afterwards.

Sandy Bates says: To you I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

Alvy Singer says: That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.

Alvy Singer says: I don't respond well to mellow. If I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

Pam says: I'm a Rosicrucian myself.

Alvy Singer says: Are you?

Pam says: Yeah.

Alvy Singer says: I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.

Mom Hall says: Ann tells us that you've been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years.

Alvy Singer says: Yes. I'm making excellent progress. Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch, I won't have to wear the lobster bib.

Linda says: You're not going to leave all those books lying around open?

Allan says: Why not? It creates an image.

Linda says: But Allan, you don't need an image.

Allan says: Ooo, I have the perfect thing. My 100 yard dash medal.

Linda says: Oh you're joking! You aren't going to leave out a track medal?

Allan says: Why not? I paid twenty dollars for it!

Narrator says: My most vivid memory connected with an old radio song I associate with the time that Aunt Bea and her then-boyfriend Chester took me into New York to the movies. It was the first time I'd ever seen the Radio City Music Hall and it was like entering heaven. I just never saw anything so beautiful in my life.

Narrator says: [First Lines] Once upon a time, many years ago, two burglars broke into our neighbors house in Rockaway. Mr. and Mrs. Needleman had gone to a movie and the following events occurred.

Narrator says: Once upon a time, many years ago, two burglars broke into our neighbors house in Rockaway. Mr. and Mrs. Needleman had gone to a movie and the following events occurred.

Narrator says: Despite his bravado, Mr Manulis panicked and bolted out of the car. He was so frightened by the reports of interplanetary invasion that he ran off, leaving Aunt Bea to contend with the green monsters he expected to drop from the sky at any moment. She walked home. Six miles. When Mr Manulis called for a date the next week, she told my mother to say she couldn't see him. She had married a Martian.

Narrator says: Then there were my father and mother, two people who could find an argument in any subject.

Father says: Wait, you think the Atlantic is a greater ocean than the Pacific?

Mother says: No. Have it your way. The Pacific is greater.

Narrator says: I mean, how many people argue over oceans?

Narrator says: I never forgot that New Year's Eve when Aunt Bea awakened me to watch 1944 come in. I've never forgotten any of those people or any of the voices we would hear on the radio. Though the truth is, with the passing of each New Year's Eve, those voices do seem to grow dimmer and dimmer.

Narrator says: For some miraculous reason, it's a wonderful feeling having a teacher you've seen dance naked in front of a mirror.

Jerry says: Don’t try and psychoanalyze me. Many have tried, all have failed. My brain doesn’t fit the usual ego, superego model.

Jerry says: Don't try and psychoanalyze me. Many have tried, all have failed. My brain doesn?t fit the usual ego, superego model.

Phyllis says: No, you have the only brain with three ids.

Isaac Davis says: Well, we'll always have Paris.

Alvy Singer says: We can walk to the curb from here

Alvy Singer says: We can walk to the curb from here.

Sheldon Mills says: Boiled chicken. That's my mother's specialty. Of course she manages to render the bird completely devoid of any flavor. It's a culinary miracle.

Sheldon Mills says: Can you really cook or do you just stand orver the stove and chant or something?

Sheldon Mills says: Baby, I'm your ally against horse dung and fraud.

Alvy Singer says: I took a puff five years ago and I tried to take off my pants over my head

Alvy Singer says: I took a puff five years ago and I tried to take off my pants over my head.

Alvy Singer says: Honey, you have a spider in there the size of a Buick

Alvy Singer says: Honey, you have a spider in there the size of a Buick.

Alvy Singer says: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick

Alvy Singer says: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Alvy Singer says: I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Annie Hall says: It's so clean out here.

Alvy Singer says: In Beverly Hills, they don't throw their garbage away -- they turn it into television shows.

Isaac Davis says: New York as his town, and it always would be.

Isaac Davis says: New York was his town, and it always would be.

Leonard Zelig says: "I have an interesting case. I'm treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people."

Leonard Zelig says: I have an interesting case. I'm treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people.

Cowardly Sperm says: "Don't you think you should be ashamed of this? Sexual relations between unmarried people"

Cowardly Sperm says: Don't you think you should be ashamed of this? Sexual relations between unmarried people.

Pam says: Did you catch Dylan?

Alvy Singer says: No, I couldn't make it-- my raccoon had hepatitis.

Pam says: You have a raccoon?

Alvy Singer says: Few.

Alvy Singer says: Darling, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, OK?

Alvy Singer says: Uh, I've gotta go now, Duane. I'm due back on the planet Earth.

Alvy Singer says: Corned beef should not be blue.

Z says: (as face on penny appears) Who the hell is that?

Z says: [as face on penny appears] Who the hell is that?

Boris says: Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences pass, it is one of the best.

Fielding Mellish says: I'm doing a sociological study on perversion. I'm up to advanced child molesting.

Alvy Singer says: You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen.

Alvy Singer says: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.

Bala says: Z, I've gotta help my Mom!

Z says: Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing!

Azteca says: Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, stronger colony, and for crying out loud, try to be happy about it!

Z says: Sure why should I be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?

Azteca says: Aw Z!

Z says: Yes, yes, I understand. I dropped the ball!

Sandy Bates says: You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.

Alvy Singer says: And I thought of that old joke. This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's, now, how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational, crazy and absurd. But I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

Alvy Singer says: And I thought of that old joke. This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.' The doctor says, 'Why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's, now, how I feel about relationships. They're totally irrational, crazy and absurd. But I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

Jerry says: I hace an IQ of 140, 160

Jerry says: I have an IQ of 140, 160.

Phyllis says: your thinking in euros, in dollars is much less

Phyllis says: Your thinking in euros, in dollars is much less.

Giancarlo says: is someone dead?

Giancarlo says: Is someone dead?

Jerry says: no, but it's early.......

Jerry says: No, but it's early...

Boris says: The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only that... only that human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there IS a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that the worst you can say about Him is that, basically, He's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean. The key here, I think, is to... to not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. Regarding love, heh, you know, what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Well, that's about it for me folks. Goodbye.

Isaac Davis says: The brain is probably the most overrated organ!

Jerry says: I have an IQ of 140

Jerry says: I have an IQ of 140.

Phyllis says: Yes, but that's in Euros

Phyllis says: Yes, but that's in Euros.

Jerry says: I am not a socialist, I can't even share a bathroom

Jerry says: I am not a socialist, I can't even share a bathroom.

Jerry says: I am not a communist, I can't even share a bathroom.

Miles Monroe says: Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least after death your not nauseous.

Jerry says: Don't psychoanalyse me! Many have tried. All have failed.

Jerry says: [referring to himself] You know you married a very bright guy.

Alvy Singer says: Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships– you know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs

Alvy Singer says: Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships? You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.

Alvy Singer says: "Right, I have to go now Dwayne, cause I'm due back on the planet earth...."

Alvy Singer says: Right, I have to go now Dwayne, cause I'm due back on the planet earth...

Alvy Singer says: Look, there's God coming out of the mens room.

Florence Barrett says: I was very well bred--the kind of family where the biggest sin was to raise your voice.

Howard Prince says: In my family the biggest sin was to pay retail.

Howard Prince says: And, furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves.

Cliff Stern says: The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. [Woody Allen describing his sex life]

Jimmy Bond/Dr. Noah says: My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time. [Woody Allen as Jimmy Bond]

Virgil Starkwell says: I never met such a pretty girl, and I guess I'm jsut sensitive because real--- real beauty makes me want to gag.

Virgil Starkwell says: I never met such a pretty girl, and I guess I'm just sensitive because real--- real beauty makes me want to gag.

Alvy Singer says: I really wanted to be an anarchist but I didn't know where to register.

Alvy Singer says: [addresses a pair of strangers on the street] Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?

Street Stranger says: Yeah.

Alvy Singer says: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?

Street Stranger says: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.

Street Stranger says: And I'm exactly the same way.

Alvy Singer says: I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?

Alvy's Psychiatrist says: [Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen] How often do you sleep together?

Annie's Psychiatrist says: Do you have sex often?

Alvy Singer says: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.

Annie Hall says: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.

Miles Monroe says: What does it feel like to be dead 200 years? Like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills.

Alvy Singer says: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

Miles Monroe says: That's a BIG chicken...

Alvy Singer says: What is this, you got Black Soap?

Andrew says: Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.

Burt says: Do you care even about the holocaust, or do you think it never happened?

Harry Block says: Not only do I know that we lost 6 million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken.

Harry Block says: Between air conditioning and the Pope, I chose air conditioning.

Alvy Singer says: Love is too weak a word. I lurve you, I loave you, I luff you.

Danny Rose says: [asks about her ex-husband] What'd you do, you divorced him, or got a separation, or what?

Tina Vitale says: Nah, some guy shot him in the eyes.

Danny Rose says: Really? He's blind?

Tina Vitale says: Dead.

Alvy Singer says: You, you, you are like New York, Jewish, leftwing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.

Allison says: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.