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Critics list

Anita Schmaltz

Tomatometer-approved critic
Location:

Metro Detroit

Reviews

Movies TV Shows
Cherish (2002) 51% 2.5/5 EDIT “With all the time spent watching stir-crazy manacled Zoe viewing too much TV and listening to too much Human League, you can't help but feel like you're under house arrest too.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Feb 13, 2014 Full Review About a Boy (2002) 93% 4/5 EDIT “About a Boy is truly a love story, with dialogue and a story line that's both pop and universally timeless, which is gold for moviegoers.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Feb 10, 2014 Full Review Insomnia (2002) 92% EDIT “Part mystery, part moral dilemma, but all seductively intriguing.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Aug 5, 2013 Full Review Spider-Man (2002) 90% EDIT “Maybe having such a big budget and being able to afford so many computer effects (which aren't so hot anyway) crippled the creativity of the film.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Aug 3, 2013 Full Review The New Guy (2002) 7% EDIT “DJ Qualls does possess some charm, but not the chutzpah to make the forced humor float.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jun 11, 2013 Full Review Bon Voyage (2003) 77% 3.5/5 EDIT “If you've got a hankering for a bullet-flinging, romantic, film noir roller coaster, Bon Voyage is the ticket.” – Orlando Weekly May 22, 2004 Full Review Ella Enchanted (2004) 51% 1/5 EDIT “Someone should tell O'Haver and the gaggle of writers it took to write this unenchanted mess that updated doesn't have to mean washed-up and dumbed-down.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Apr 23, 2004 Full Review Games People Play: New York (2004) 36% 2/5 EDIT “If reality is made up of truth without deceit, there's nothing real about Games, unless you count really bad and really awful.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Apr 23, 2004 Full Review Latter Days (2004) 44% 3/5 EDIT “...Funny, tragic, occasionally cheesy, endearing and ultimately heartwarming, dealing with very serious Christian hypocrisy while holding onto a light, life-embracing tone.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Apr 8, 2004 Full Review Acts of Worship (2001) 63% 2.5/5 EDIT “Rodriguez depicts addicts as a sea of agitated vultures haunting the streets...counteracted by character confrontations forced to move too quickly and predictable plot turns.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Apr 8, 2004 Full Review Welcome to Mooseport (2004) 13% 1.5/5 EDIT “Lord knows we need to laugh about politics, but when it comes to salving our Oval Office wounds, Welcome to Mooseport is like taking a baby aspirin for pneumonia...” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Mar 12, 2004 Full Review Eurotrip (2004) 47% 3/5 EDIT “Eurotrip delivers a savvy potty jocularity, probably because some of that European culture rubbed off on the penis jokes.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Mar 12, 2004 Full Review Starsky & Hutch (2004) 63% 3.5/5 EDIT “Phillips pushes for laughs more than the show did, but still manages a weird mix of comedy, serious crime fighting and irony inside the scariest fashion decade of all time.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Mar 12, 2004 Full Review Destino (2003) 100% 5/5 EDIT “This is a taste of classic Disney, a crooning, twisting song sung to the eyes, a vacation from rational thoughts.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Feb 12, 2004 Full Review Along Came Polly (2004) 27% 2/5 EDIT “For all of you hungry-for-decent-comic-fare, Polly is a whole lotta ho-hum, a limping script with a few charming dimples.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 23, 2004 Full Review Girl With a Pearl Earring (2003) 73% 4/5 EDIT “Girl with a Pearl Earring is a stolen glimpse around dark doorways into the intense, colorful birth of a great creation.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 23, 2004 Full Review Dude, Where's My Car? (2000) 16% 2/5 EDIT “...a stoner mystery that recycles tried and occasionally true gags specifically packaged for today's teenage audiences, like the cheerleading squad I was sitting next to.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 16, 2004 Full Review Cremaster 1 (1996) 67% EDIT “As with all of [Barney's] films, translating Cremaster 1into words is a disservice to the elevating intensity and intrigue communicated through sound and imagery.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 14, 2004 Full Review Cremaster 3 (2002) 63% EDIT “Attempting to sum up the scope of Matthew Barney's epic in a few words is like trying to shove the history of existence through a scrotum-shaped pinhole.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 14, 2004 Full Review Peter Pan (2003) 77% 4.5/5 EDIT “No matter what your wrinkle-count...you may just find yourself saying, 'I do believe in well-made films for kids.'” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Jan 12, 2004 Full Review Glowing Eyes (2002) 50% 3/5 EDIT “If nothing else, your curiosity should be sadly satisfied.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Dec 31, 2003 Full Review Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) 25% 2/5 EDIT “Cheaper by the Dozen is yet another fast-food film, going through the motions of a plot with milk-and-cupcake dialogue that leaves you dry and crusty.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Dec 31, 2003 Full Review House of Sand and Fog (2003) 74% 2.5/5 EDIT “By the end, you feel as if you've been hit over the head with a bloody dead dove, with someone screaming, "Tragedy! Tragedy! Tragedy!" in your sore ear.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Dec 31, 2003 Full Review Cold Mountain (2003) 69% 3.5/5 EDIT “Cold Mountain is haunted by the earmarks of a TV mini-series... [but] left me in a dreamy state of mind...” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Dec 24, 2003 Full Review Girls Will Be Girls (2003) 59% 3.5/5 EDIT “...an explosion of bad taste swallowed, and occasionally spit back out, over and over again, culminating in fashionable she/he cat fights by the pool.” – Metro Times (Detroit, MI) Dec 12, 2003 Full Review
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