D.C. Sniper (2010)
D.C. Sniper (2010)
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Audience Reviews for D.C. Sniper
Now,it appears that even in the most incredibly dull and pathetic state of mind,Ulli Lommel continues to find new and innovative ways to get on my nerves.The final movie of his I'm reviewing,which is 2009's (Though some say 2010) D.C. Sniper is the movie I'm talking about.This movie is a gigantic tease.If you though J.J. Abrams teased you really good with Cloverfield and Super 8,then just get ready to be teased even more with this movie.But the other way around.This movie teases you and just sorta makes fun of you because of how poorly written and handled it is.It's self aware of how awful it is,and thinks it's a good idea to just mock you for all it's worth.Milk it while you can Lommel,someone's going to write a review so harsh that you'll retire.Now,the real story behind the D.C. Sniper is something I reluctantly went and read up a bit on (I mostly scanned through it to be fair).In October 2002,a man by the name of John Allen Muhammad (Along with a younger accomplice) went on a 3 week killing spree.It became known as the "Beltway Sniper Attacks".Thanks Wikipedia,you're always a big help.Now how accurate is this movie? Well,if the other movies are any indication,it depends on your research.I'm not one for reading up on a lot of the killers Lommel has used.The Zodiac Killer and the BTK Killer are the only two I've really read up on (The Son of Sam I won't count since I haven't read up a lot on him).For know,just accept my dumbness and pretend I know a lot on the real life D.C. Sniper. There's somewhat of a plot.It revolves around the D.C. Sniper.It gets really boring really fast.Obviously,it's like a docudrama,because Lommel seems to love doing that.Whatever the case is,the movie's just as bland and dull as any other Lommel movie I've reviewed (Excluding one).The movie never takes off successfully and doesn't seem to give a crap about how it movies along.It's littered with unnecessarily drawn out sequences of either violence and brutally boring padding scenes.If it's any indication by this point,ALL of Lommel's movies are just padding.They shouldn't exist.Along side padding sequences,violent scenes,there's also a horrendous pacing problem.The movie's pacing can be best described as a student driver.Ride the break...for the entire run time.Imagine being behind a student driver for roughly 90 minutes.Just picture how astoundingly tedious that gets after only five minutes! If that sounds like fun to you,then I guess D.C. Sniper is for you.Had this been a play-by-play review,I think I'd have twenty-five paragraphs of just "Please,just speed the hell up" copy and pasted over and over about a hundred times.Over all,the plot is abysmal,the pacing is atrocious,and it all boils down to a gigantic pile of rubbish. Character wise,there are no characters.Just these cute stick figures I drew on the screen.Yeah,I'm serious,they are so non-dimensional that I wanted to draw stick figures on the screen (I didn't because that would be a dumb move by me).I can't find a reason as to why they are so flat.Especially to the point they're invisible! They ghosts? Yeah,the Ghostbusters shoulda busted in and gotten rid of these ghosts.Ain't no characters here,just a bunch of ghosts! Along with just being flat (No pun intended) out invisible "characters",they have generic personalities.Whiny,grouchy,angry,meanie,nicey,and dip-stick who'll die sometime during this rubbishes running time.If you can't figure it out by now,I found a majority of all of these morons' personalities to make them unlikable and pretentious morons.Why can't all of you just go away and find people who where,I dunno,LIKE THE VICTIMS?! Oh,right,because you'd have no budget.The Asylum coulda made a better version of this,because they put Atari 2600 graphics as their CGI effects.I hated everyone in here.The killer is portrayed as a killer...I think that speaks for itself.But he's all bark and precisely no bite.You could throw a stick at him and he'd cower in fear.Oh,look at me,I shot someone! No,you didn't,you pressed a button and made a gun shot sound.That person had a rock thrown at him/her.I ain't trying to insult the victims,but this guy is an even less believable killer than that turkey in Thankskilling.Over all (It'll never be over if I wanted there to be characters left so I can finish this review),the characters are imbeciles.Gigantic,apathetic,and self aware imbeciles. Onto the dialogue.Well,for starters,we can do the padding justice.There is so much blabber forced in that it pads this movie out by a good five minutes.But it will feel like almost seventy minutes.I'm not kidding! It felt like the movie went on forever! I felt like I was going to keel over in agony because of the boring ass exposition,padding,and useless dialogue.Look,this is D.C. Sniper,not Wall Street.Who picked this out hoping for a lot of extremely interesting and intellectual talks about the killer? If you want that,watch David Fincher's Zodiac! I'd love for all of this padding in a movie with the damn title "D.C. Sniper" to just take a hike.It's getting boring just having to complain about padding in these God forsaken movies! The character development is what should be here,but it took a hike.So,there's the reason for non-existent characters.I'm sorry,but who wrote this? A chimpanzee with anabolic steroids? Did they hire Gatoroid to write this? Why is there no character development? They went to Google to find generic personality's,they didn't write those in is all I know.To sum it all up,the self explanatory anger should explain itself...I hope.Because having to sum this rubbish up is not fun. Beside itself is the movies suspense and intensity.My God,I can finally lay to rest this repeated assault on my intelligence.To shorten this up,and expand on something else different,the movie just lack this.Instead,it ops for a lot of violence that really feels unneeded.It tries to mash these two together.Focusing on those two is like focusing on Rambo killing people and a Tiger-human hybrid and a Hyena-Lion Hybrid fighting to the death.Which do you focus on? Well,try to focus on the violent "intensity" and the "suspense" at the same time.Look,you can not build suspense and have intense action sequences.You are not The Bourne series,so stop trying to do what that franchise did.The entire time this movie is going on,I really was begging myself to resist watching any of the Bourne movies,because I felt like I was watching a dumb asses version of those movies.Except I didn't get a single unintentional laugh out.The entire movies intense action,combined with the attempts to build suspense at the same time are abominable.I dare anyone who watches this to try to focus on both.It is impossible.Whoever wrote this,I pity you more than you could ever imagine.It's pathetic. I'm literally tempted to make a sniper joke,but screw it.The movie doesn't deserve that.The directorial efforts by Lommel are as dismal as ever.I'm literally keen to explode out of rage at how infuriating it is to stare at the screen,and look at brutally awful and craptacular shots by this man who's got to be one of the biggest hacks in the movie industry.It's like he wants to appeal to a teenage audience with shots that make no sense,along with simplistic shots I could do by simply taking a sledgehammer and making sure that the camera is in place.But the biggest problem is that he decided to shake that camera and make the movie feel even cheaper and less interesting than it is.Say it's a pet peeve of mine,but knock it the fuck off with that shaky camera! It doesn't work unless pulled off in this hole that can't even fit the tip of a needle! Now,onto to an even bigger and much more incredibly stupid flaw.Ulli Lommel must really wanna make this dramatic,because the movie has focusing issues.The entire movie,I felt like the movie was going to split into five different movies! I'll admit,it's hard for me to focus when a movie sucks this hard,but the entire movie doesn't need to feel like it's got focusing issues.To the movies credit,it's actually slightly better than Curse of the Zodiac.But that's like saying I'll watch the Prom Night remake over Slaughter High.It's impossible to pick which I'd rather watch.Over all,the directing is deplorable. Now onto the acting.Let's sorta rush through this before I keel over and punch the computer out of anger.Does anyone in this movie know how to act? Of course not,they just take into consideration they are getting paid.Phone in,what,a hundred bucks and decide to move onto smaller things.Or just use that to buy a bunch of beer and watch crap on TV with your friends.The actors give facial expressions like they just won free tickets to a ball game.Oh goodie,I can go see a team I don't like with friends who also don't like it! Best day ever.Aside from pretty much phoning,texting,E-Mailing,and mailing it in,the actors deliver their "dialogue" with ZERO effort.I have no clue why Lommel didn't take a second take (I doubt this guy knows what that is),and just flat out moves onto the next scene,not realizing the actors said their lines with as much effort as I would when trying to do Algebra.Who gives a crap,mine as well just circle (or fill in) those answers! Does it matter? Hit or miss,right?! No,because I'll get 99% of them wrong.The actors do the same here.Sometimes it's decent,but who gives a crap,I'm getting paid right? Yeah,so just speak those lines and move on! Honestly,screw the acting! It's so bad it doesn't deserve a full fledged review segment.The acting is abysmally atrocious! D.C. Sniper actually manages to top Curse of the Zodiac in terms of awfulness.It just took more and more thinking and planning to get to that point.It lacks any and all means of unintentional humor because it actually thinks it's good.Ulli Lommel created a whole new meaning to the word "atrocious".He made a movie that should have just been left the fuck alone.It's a journey into someone's mind who doesn't have a single fragment of talent.Let alone know how to handle a damn camera!! Try as you,and try as you might,but there is not a single gem to be found in D.C. Sniper.With everything just being a gigantic pile of rubbish,I score this preposterously awful movie a gigantic,fat,juicy 0 out of 10.It's incredibly mind blowing that Ulli Lommel had a career after Curse of the Zodiac! But to actually make something worse better have killed his career.It's not even a movie when you get down to it.It's a gigantic letter that simply reads "You're watching it! And you paid for it sucker!",and then punches you straight in the face.Avoid D.C. Sniper at all costs!!
low budget in the way you'd expect from cheap porn, but still rather interesting and well accomplished.
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