Picking Up the Pieces (2000)

Not BAD, just too damn weird!

The biggest mystery about "PIcking Up the Pieces" is why such a bewildering array of well-known actors signed up for this silly, sacrilegious farce. The cast is like the head table at a celebrity roast: Woody Allen, Sharon Stone, Kiefer Sutherland, David Schwimmer, Fran Drescher, Elliott Gould, Eddie Griffin, Cheech Marin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Andy Dick and Lou Diamond Phillips are all hamming it up and vying for screen time, but their talents are mostly wasted on broad characterizations and cheap jokes. Sutherland and his ever-nimble toothpick have a ball and come off quite well, but other thankless roles just suggest the acting community really, really loved "Like Water for Chocolate" (also directed by Alfonso Arau). The main allure of "Picking Up the Pieces" is seeing Woody Allen in a rare appearance as a hired actor, though he's playing a nebbish part which he might as well have written himself. Allen portrays a Texas butcher who kills and dismembers his floozy wife (Stone), then trucks across the border to secretly bury her in the titular "pieces." He loses her hand in transport, but a blind woman (literally) stumbles on it and magically regains her sight. This leads to her tiny village enshrining the hand (extended middle finger and all), while an ethically shaky priest (Schwimmer) struggles with his conscience. More and more healing miracles occur, and the town becomes a cash-cow tourist trap. Meanwhile, Allen hears about the lost hand's notoriety and plots to steal back the evidence. The resulting complications are predictable (the sight gags involving enlarged breasts and penises are especially crass), but the film is plenty of fun anyway. Book it along with Alex Cox's "Straight to Hell" for a midnight double feature.