Aug 29, 2011
2.9/10
"Pulse", also known as "Kairo", was a nice, creepy Japanese horror film that made its U.S. debut in 2005 and has since garnered somewhat of a cult following. Don't get me wrong; it's a good movie, and it got some solid praise, but the fans love it the most and boy do they know it. I also assume that they will be the first out of many to be pissed off when it comes to the film's American remake, which is about as bad as every other recent J-horror remake. It has no soul, no scares, no atmosphere, with characters and dialogue written as if they were spewed right out of The Asylum; and I'll assume you know who I'm talking about. This film is very, very bad.
So bad that, in fact, I could barely stand it. While I happily floated in the intelligent, suspenseful depths of the original "Pulse", this remake is too stupid to really enjoy. It takes a good premise - the one from the original - but this time, it adds in characters as thin as paper, and scares that are nothing short of wit-less. The problem is that there are many horror movie clichés, and well-made genre pictures can work their way around them, but this is a great example of a movie that is not well-made, and therefore, it cannot achieve any of what it intends to.
But then again, I suppose it might entertain the stupid teenagers that think they understand that genre, and therefore go to see the film because they think it's going to be loaded with insanely creepy CGI visuals, and they would be right. Now, the story involves, if you recall, a virus spread through electronic devices and the internet. It allows ghosts, ghouls, SPIRITS, if you may, access to the world of the living. It is there that they feed off our very souls, hoping to cast the entire Earth in their own dark shadow.
But we must have characters; oh yes, we must. Mattie (Kristen Bell) is just one, out of far too many (of these "characters"). She is a student, studying to be, if I remember, a...shrink? Yeah, I think that was it. We learn that Mattie's boyfriend has killed himself for whatever reason, although that reason (oh yes, that reason) shall be revealed later in the film, and I would spoil it for you, but that would go "against the rules". Anyways, regarding the character of the boyfriend, he is first seen wandering a dark library (horrible idea, but just in my opinion, you know) in the film's opening scenes, and then, out of the blue (or out of the darkness, whichever you prefer), he is assaulted by a library-dwelling ghostie that pops out at him and yells "boo!"
It would appear that he was down with some sort of sickness, and this is precisely why he might have hung himself by a computer cable. However, as these movies go, this just wasn't the END of these suicides; it becomes an every-day thing, and a threat to the characters and their mental states. This is where we're supposed to find out that the ghosts have some sort of evil scheme planned out; and I already mentioned what it was.
The idea that the original "Pulse" brought to the cinematic screen was a good one. I admire how the Japanese value technology and intend their horror films, involving technologies, to be, should I say, cautionary tales? If not, then it's just going to show how easily a ghost can find its way from its world to ours with just the click of a button. One of the film's gimmicks is the quote that the ghosts send to the people via computer: Do you want to see a ghost? It's a dumb gimmick, really, it is; but it got the attention of some, and hey; that works for the film's benefit, doesn't it?
The actors are emotionless. The tension is frightless. The story is senseless. What more can I tell you? "Pulse", the remake, is dull, derivative, and stupid enough for one to despise every moment within it. It does, like most remakes, make me want to revisit the original; and that is something that I might do very soon. But for now, I'd see it; and I'd avoid this lame, repulsive, intellectually insulting piece of trash. Take my word for it; it's that bad.
Verified