David Cross

I..I can't feel my legs! Owwwwhowhow! I can't feel my legs!

You never could.

Hey you stay out of this.

I can do it myself!

It happened on a Sunday and, and every Sunday, about the time I was taken on board that ship, I find I have no feelings in my buttocks.

It happened on a Sunday and every Sunday, about the time I was taken on board that ship, I find I have no feelings in my buttocks.

Hey I dont need your help lady. I can do it myself. [gives himself oral sex]

Killed him with a hairdryer...Way to use the resources you had handy!

Killed him with a hairdryer... Way to use the resources you had handy!

Good luck fellas!

Were gonna die!

Wait what?

Minion, Did you think this day would ever come ??

Minion, Did you think this day would ever come?

No way.. Not at all, sir. Never. Never in a million... I mean, Yes, I did.

(While in an argument with MegaMind) Well, good luck on your date!

[while in an argument with MegaMind] Well, good luck on your date!

I will!

That doesn't even make any sense!

I know!

"Sup.''

Sup.

"I'm good either way."

I'm good either way.

"Chubby one!"

Chubby one!

"Aloo"

Aloo.

"Its hello,"

It's hello.

"Hello"

Hello.

This is your job?

Yeah not too many record holders are interested in hiring the guy that blew it with The Chipmunks, blew it with The Chipettes, and passed on Justin Bieber...twice.

Hey! Maybe you can't watch me be killed?

Stop being a wimp.

And... she's back.

Dave...I barely cared about what you said about the first two. I can't imagine the "big boned" one being any more interesting.

Dave... I barely cared about what you said about the first two. I can't imagine the 'big boned' one being any more interesting.

It's good to be back huh?

Yeah

Yeah.

Thats only the bitch I been fuckin. Jealous much

Oh just the bitch I've been fucking. Jealous much?

At the first sign of trouble, I'll give you the signal: "ka ka, ki ki!"

At the first sign of trouble, I'll give you the signal: 'ka ka, ki ki!'

You mean like Crane does?

Yeah!

Excuse me, when have I ever made that noise?

So, that was stealth mode, huh?

Don't ever do that again, please?

Don't ever do that again, okay?

Hey, maybe you can't watch me be killed?

Stop being a wimp.

You can chain my body, but you will never chain my warrior spirit.

You can chain my body. But you will never chain my... [one of the guerrilla guards puts a chain round his throat making his voice go funny]

...warrior spirit!

Hey Ian! In the words of the Donald " Ya fired!!! " .

Hey Ian! In the words of the Donald 'Ya fired!'

Hey Ian! In the words of the Donald, 'ya fired!'

Alvin!!!!!!

Alvin!

I may not know much but I do know this the bad guy doesn't get the girl

I may not know much but I do know this the bad guy doesn't get the girl.

Well maybe I don't want to be the bad guy anymore!

[screams]

you heard me!

You heard me!

[whisers] who are you?

[whispers] Who are you?

I'm your space stepmom!

I'm your space stepmom!

What was that?

I didn't...say anything.

I didn't say anything.

[as he comes in a room] Going off the rails on a crazy train sir!

[Bursts in singing 'Crazy Train' with the Venus de Milo statue] I'm going off the rails on a crazy train, sir!

hey hey hey hey! not now Minion

Hey, not now, Minion! I'm in a heated, existential discussion with this dead-eyed, plastic desk toy.

Quick the knock out spray!

Quick, the knock out spray!

Ok (Sprays, can is empty) There isn't any.

Okay. (Sprays, can is empty) There isn't any.

Well use the forget-me-stick.

Oh, right. (Minion whacks Tighten with the Forget-Me-Stick)

create a hero wait wait what why would you do that?

Create a hero? Why would you do that?

Quick, disguise. [Megamind activates a hologram,]

[while Minion puts on an apron and wig] What?

You look fantastic.

[answering a cell phone] Ollo?

Uh, it's "hello", sir.

Oh... Hello? [to Minion] Like that?

[gives him a thumbs-up]