Billy Crystal

Billy Crystal

Highest Rated: 97% The Princess Bride (1987)

Lowest Rated: 17% Parental Guidance (2012)

Birthday: Mar 14, 1948

Birthplace: Long Beach, Long Island, New York, USA

The son of a jazz concert producer, Billy Crystal grew up in the company of such music legends as Billie Holiday, Pee Wee Russell, and Eddy Condon. His mind made up by age five, Crystal knew he wanted to become a performer -- not in music but in baseball or comedy. As he later explained to TV Guide, he chose comedy "because God made me short" -- though from all reports he is one of the best ball players in show business.Learning how to make people laugh by studying the works of past masters Laurel and Hardy, Ernie Kovacs, and Jonathan Winters, Crystal began making the club rounds at 16. He was sidetracked briefly by New York University's film school, where he studied to be a director under Martin Scorsese, but upon graduation it was back to comedy when Crystal formed his own troupe, 3's Company. On his own, he developed into an "observational" comic, humor based on his own experiences and the collective experiences of his audience. He came to media attention via his impression of Howard Cosell interviewing Muhammad Ali. After doing time as an opening act for such musicians as Barry Manilow, Crystal struck out for Hollywood, in hopes of finding regular work on a TV series. In 1977, he was hired to play the gay character Jodie Dallas on Soap. Though many people expected the performer to be typecast in this sort of part, he transcended the "sissy" stereotype, making the character so three-dimensional that audiences and potential employers were fully aware that there was more to Crystal's talent than what they saw in Jodie.Thanks to Soap, Crystal became and remained a headliner and, in 1978, had his first crack at movie stardom as a pregnant man in Rabbit Test. The movie was unsuccessful, but Crystal's star had not been eclipsed by the experience; he was even entrusted with a dramatic role in the 1980 TV movie Enola Gay. His career accelerating with comedy records, choice club dates, regular appearances on Saturday Night Live, and TV guest shots, Crystal had a more successful stab at the movies in such films as This is Spinal Tap (1984), The Princess Bride (1987), Throw Momma From the Train (1987), and When Harry Met Sally (1989). Riding high after a memorable emceeing stint at the Oscar ceremony, Crystal executive produced and starred in his most successful film project to date, an uproarious middle-age-angst comedy called City Slickers (1991). In 1992, he mounted his most ambitious film endeavor, Mr. Saturday Night, the bittersweet chronicle of a self-destructive comedian. The film had great potential (as indicated by the outtakes contained in its video cassette version), but the end result died at the box office. That same year, Crystal again hosted the Oscar awards, and in 1994 he repeated his earlier success with the popular sequel City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold.Crystal added to his directing credits the following year with the romantic comedy Forget Paris. Unfortunately, the film -- which he also produced, wrote, and starred in -- was something of a flop. He subsequently focused his energies on acting, turning up in Hamlet (1996) and Deconstructing Harry (1997). In 1998 he had another producing stint with My Giant, a comedy he also starred in; like his previous producing effort, that film also proved fairly unsuccessful. However, Crystal bounced back in 1999, executive producing and starring in Analyze This. A comedy about a mob boss, Robert De Niro, seeking therapy from a psychiatrist (Crystal), it won a number of positive reviews, convincing many that the performer was back in his element.Back in the director's chair in 2001, Crystal helmed the made-for-HBO 61*. Detailing the 1961 home-run race between Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle, 61* struck a chord with baseball sentimentalists and critics alike. Scripting and starring in America's Sweethearts the same year, Crystal also began to cultivate a voice acting career that would prove extremely successful, providing the voices for characters in Monsters, Inc., How

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
88% Standing Up, Falling Down Marty 2020
36% Untogether David 2019
No Score Yet Still Laugh-in: The Stars Celebrate Actor 2019
94% Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind Actor 2018
No Score Yet Which Witch Screenwriter Actor Producer 2016
52% Live From New York! Actor 2015
No Score Yet Party Central Mike 2014
80% Monsters University Mike $260.4M 2013
30% Small Apartments Burt Walnut 2013
17% Parental Guidance Diane Decker $77.3M 2012
18% The Tooth Fairy Jerry $58.6M 2010
No Score Yet Trying to Get Good: The Jazz Odyssey of Jack Sheldon Actor 2008
80% Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project Actor 2008
No Score Yet Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business Of America Actor 2008
No Score Yet Comic Relief: The Greatest...and The Latest Actor 2008
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live Lost & Found: SNL in the 80s Actor 2008
75% Cars Mike Car $244.1M 2006
No Score Yet Harry Shearer: Now You See It Actor 2006
No Score Yet Tony Bennett: An American Classic Actor 2006
88% Tell Them Who You Are Actor 2005
No Score Yet Hollywood Pinstripes Actor 2003
27% Analyze That Executive Producer Ben Sobel $32.1M 2002
No Score Yet Mike's New Car Mike 2002
67% Muhammad Ali: Through the Eyes of the World Actor 2001
96% Monsters, Inc. Mike Wazowski $34.1M 2001
32% America's Sweethearts Lee Phillips Producer Screenwriter $93.1M 2001
82% 61* Executive Producer Director 2001
No Score Yet As You Wish: The Story of 'The Princess Bride' Actor 2001
No Score Yet Goodnight Moon Actor 2001
No Score Yet Comedy Central Presents: The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Rob Reiner Actor 2000
44% The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle Mattress salesman $0.5M 2000
No Score Yet Goodnight Moon & Other Sleepytime Tales Actor 2000
71% Get Bruce Himself 1999
70% Analyze This Executive Producer Dr. Ben Sobel 1999
19% My Giant Producer Sammy 1998
73% Deconstructing Harry Larry 1997
25% Fathers' Day Jack Lawrence 1997
No Score Yet Steve Allen's 75th Birthday Celebration Actor 1997
95% Hamlet First Gravedigger 1996
No Score Yet Caesar's Writers Actor 1996
50% Forget Paris Producer Screenwriter Director Mickey 1995
No Score Yet In Search of Dr. Seuss Actor 1994
18% City Slickers 2 - The Legend of Curly's Gold Screenwriter Mitch Robbins Producer 1994
58% Mr. Saturday Night Buddy Young Jr. Director Screenwriter Producer 1992
No Score Yet Shelley Duvall's Bedtime Stories Actor 1992
No Score Yet When It Was a Game 2 Actor 1992
88% City Slickers Executive Producer Mitch Robbins 1991
No Score Yet The Best of Dr. Seuss Actor 1989
90% When Harry Met Sally Harry 1989
No Score Yet Memories of Me Dr. Abbie Polin Abbie Producer Screenwriter 1988
63% Throw Momma from the Train Larry 1987
97% The Princess Bride Miracle Max 1987
60% Running Scared Danny Costanzo 1986
No Score Yet Billy Crystal: Midnight Train To Moscow Actor 1986
95% This Is Spinal Tap Morty the Mime 1984
No Score Yet Animalympics Rugs Turkell 1980
No Score Yet Enola Gay Lt. Jake Beser 1980
No Score Yet Breaking Up Is Hard to Do Danny Doyle 1979
No Score Yet Human Feelings Actor 1978
No Score Yet Rabbit Test Lionel Carpenter 1978
No Score Yet SST: Death Flight (Flight of the Maiden) Actor 1977

TV

Credit
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest 2019
2018
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest 2019
2017
2016
2015
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden
2015-2019
Guest 2019
2018
2016
2015
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest 2019
2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
No Score Yet Jay Leno's Garage
2015
Appearing 2018
No Score Yet American Masters
2001
Voice 2017
No Score Yet Real Time with Bill Maher
2003
Guest 2017
2015
2013
No Score Yet 20/20
1978
Appearing 2016
2013
58% The Comedians
2015
Screenwriter Executive Producer Producer Billy Billy Crystal 2015
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest 2015
2014
2013
2012
No Score Yet The View
1997
Guest 2015
2013
2012
2011
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest 2014
No Score Yet Web Therapy
2011-2014
Garreth Pink 2014
2013
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest 2014
2013
2004
2002
2001
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest 2013
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest 2013
2012
No Score Yet Sunday Morning
2011-2018
Appearing 2013
2012
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest 2013
2011
No Score Yet CBS This Morning
2012
Guest 2012
No Score Yet Inside Comedy
2012-2015
Guest 2012
45% The Academy Awards
1978
2012
2004
2000
1998
1997
1993
1992
1991
1990
72% American Idol
2002-2016
Appearing 2008
No Score Yet The Fairly OddParents
2001
Voice 2003
No Score Yet Liberty's Kids
2002-2003
Voice 2003
2002
No Score Yet The Bernie Mac Show
2001-2006
Himself 2003
2002
94% Frasier
1993-2004
Guest 1995
No Score Yet Ken Burns' Baseball
1994-2010
Voice 1994
100% The Larry Sanders Show
1992-1998
1992
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Performer Guest Host 1985
1984
1976
No Score Yet Soap
1977-1981
Jodie Dallas 1981
1980
1979
1978
1977
No Score Yet All in the Family
1971-1979
Al 1976
67% The Movies
2019

QUOTES FROM Billy Crystal CHARACTERS

Harry Burns says: Big Ten school.

Mike says: We can't just get a new team! I checked this morning it's against the rules.

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: She can't stay in here. This is the men's room.

Mike Wazowski says: ...That is the weirdest thing you've ever said.

Mike Wazowski says: That is the weirdest thing you've ever said.

Mike says: My homework ate my dog

Mike says: My homework ate my dog.

Mike says: Class President?"

Mike says: Class president?

Mike says: My pony made the Dean's List

Mike says: My pony made the Dean's List.

Danny Costanzo says: We're going to be tender-cop-vittles.

Danny Costanzo says: I'm allergic to machine guns.

Danny Costanzo says: I mean retire--quit-be a regular person.

Ray Hughes says: Regular people suck.

Danny Costanzo says: Maybe, but they don't get shot.

Danny Costanzo says: Is this what I really want to do when I grow up?

Ray Hughes says: What else is there?

Mike says: Yes you can. Stop being a Sullivan and start being you!

Mike says: How do I become a scarer?

Mike says: (dreaming while kissing Sullivan's hand) I know you're a princess and I'm a lowly stable boy.

Mike says: I know you're a princess and I'm a lowly stable boy.

Artie Decker says: Don't call me grandpa, Call me Artie

Artie Decker says: Don't call me grandpa, Call me Artie.

Barker says: Can I call you Fartie

Barker says: Can I call you Fartie?

Mike Wazowski says: My hat!

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: My pig!

Mike Wazowski says: I'm going to scare circles around you this year.

Mike Wazowski says: I'm a collage student!

Mike Wazowski says: I'm a college student!

Randy says: I'm officially a college student!

Randy says: I'm officially a college student!

Mike Wazowski says: What can I say? The camera loves me!

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: You know, I don't think she's all that dangerous.

Mike Wazowski says: Yeah, we can keep her. I've always wanted a pet.... THAT COULD KILL ME!

Mike Wazowski says: Yeah, we can keep her. I've always wanted a pet that could kill me!

Jess says: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry Burns says: Oh, really? Well, that symptom is fucking my wife!

Harry Burns says: Why don't you tell me the story of your life?

Sally Albright says: The story of my life?

Harry Burns says: We've got eighteen hours to kill before we hit New York.

Sally Albright says: The story of my life isn't even going to get us out of Chicago, I mean nothing's happened to me yet. That's why I'm going to New York.

Harry Burns says: So something can happen to you?

Sally Albright says: Yes.

Harry Burns says: Like what?

Sally Albright says: I can go into journalism school to become a reporter.

Harry Burns says: So you can write about things that happen to other people?

Paul Vitti says: You're turning me down?

Ben Sobel says: When I got into family therapy, this was not the "family" I had in mind

Ben Sobel says: When I got into family therapy, this was not the 'family' I had in mind.

Paul Vitti says: You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you're turning *me* down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks 'em right anymore?

Artie Decker says: I taught them how to shave! Show 'em your legs Boys!

Artie Decker says: Ok I tell you what..Don't call me Grandpa..Call me Artie!

Artie Decker says: Ok I tell you what... Don't call me Grandpa... Call me Artie!

Barker says: Can I call you Fartie?

Artie Decker says: I'm not going!

Diane Decker says: You're going!

Artie Decker says: That's what I meant!

Diane Decker says: *looks at Artie when he doesn't know he has paint on his face* What's wrong with your face?

Diane Decker says: [looks at Artie when he doesn't know he has paint on his face] What's wrong with your face?

Artie Decker says: Oh and you're such a pleasure in the morning?!

Artie Decker says: Oh and you're such a pleasure in the morning?

Artie Decker says: Oh it's project Runway..Take off those shoes and i'll give you a dollar.

Artie Decker says: Oh it's project Runway..Take off those shoes and I'll give you a dollar.

Barker says: 5

Barker says: 5.

Artie Decker says: 2:50

Artie Decker says: 2.50

Barker says: Deal

Barker says: Deal.

Artie Decker says: I don't think these kids like me

Artie Decker says: I don't think these kids like me.

Diane Decker says: They have to know you better before they don't like you!

Artie Decker says: Love is Blind and spparently so is Carlos.

Mike Wazowski says: Whew! You got any deoderant I can borrow?

Mike Wazowski says: Whew! You got any deodorant I can borrow?

Mike Wazowski says: Whew! You got any odorant I can borrow?

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: Yeah. I've got "Smelly Garbage" and "Old Dumpster".

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: Yeah. I've got 'Smelly Garbage' and 'Old Dumpster'.

Roz says: I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always.

Mike Wazowski says: Oh, she's nuts!

Mike Wazowski says: Scary monsters do not have plaque!

Mike Wazowski says: Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look... Listen, I need a favor. Randall was working late last night out on the scare floor. I really need the key to the door he was using.

Roz says: Well, isn't that nice? But guess what? You didn't turn in your paperwork last night.

Mike Wazowski says: He didn't... I... no paperwork?

Roz says: The office is now closed. [Closes window on Mike's hands.]

Roz says: The office is now closed. [closes window on Mike's hands.]

Mike Wazowski says: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Artie Decker says: Tony Hawk Man, how you doin?

Diane Decker says: Our grandchildren are gonna love me!

Artie Decker says: What about me?

Diane Decker says: That's your problem.

Mike Wazowski says: You played dodgeball? I loved dodgeball! Of course, I was the ball.

Inigo Montoya says: This is Buttercup's true love. If you heal him he will stop Humperdinck's wedding!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Sha! Wait wait......... I make him better, humperdinck suffers?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Sha! Wait wait... I make him better, humperdinck suffers?

Inigo Montoya says: Humiliations galore!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Ha ha ha! That is a noble cause. Gimme the 65. I'm on the job!

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Woo Hoo!

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Woo hoo!

Mike Wazowski says: Roz, your looking wonderful today is that a new haircut?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Have fun storming the castle!

Jess says: Emily is terrific.

Harry Burns says: Ya. Of course when I asked her where she was when Kennedy was shot she said "Ted Kennedy was shot?"

Harry Burns says: Ya. Of course when I asked her where she was when Kennedy was shot she said 'Ted Kennedy was shot?'

Mitch Robbins says: (Talking about Curly) He's like a saddlebag with eyes. He's a lunatic. We are going into the woods being led by a lunatic...He's behind me, isn't he?

Mitch Robbins says: [talking about Curly] He's like a saddlebag with eyes. He's a lunatic. We are going into the woods being led by a lunatic...He's behind me, isn't he?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Turns out your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. See, mostly dead is still slightly alive.

Daniel Robbins says: If you're going to kill me, get on with it. If not...shut the hell up..I'm on vacation

Daniel Robbins says: If you're going to kill me, get on with it. If not...shut the hell up..I'm on vacation.

Mitch Robbins says: If you're going to kill me, get on with it. If not...shut the hell up..I'm on vacation.

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Think it'll work?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: It'll take a miracle.

Harry Burns says: Okay Fine . I Take it back .

Harry Burns says: Okay Fine. I take it back.

Sally Albright says: You can't take it back . It's Already out there .

Sally Albright says: You can't take it back. It's Already out there.

Harry Burns says: Oh Geez . Call the cops it's already out there .

Harry Burns says: Oh Geez. Call the cops it's already out there.

Mike Wazowski says: Go ahead, go grow up.

Roz says: I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always!

Mike Wazowski says: Ohh, she's nuts.

Mike Wazowski says: [Referring to Roz] Ooh, she's nuts.

Mike Wazowski says: Hurry up, hurry up!

Mike Wazowski says: [Referring to Randall, whom they have banished] And he's outta here!

Mike Wazowski says: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Mike Wazowski says: Ta-da!

Mike Wazowski says: Get up, Sulley!

Mike Wazowski says: Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees - which is good news for you reptiles - and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... WORK OUT THAT FLAB THAT'S HANGING OVER THE BED. Get up, Sulley.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: He's only mostly dead. If he were all dead, there's only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya says: And what's that?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Go through his pockets and look for loose change.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: The king's stinkin' son fired me, but thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Don't rush me sonny, you rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Bye bye boys.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Have fun stormin' da castel.

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Think it'll work?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: It would take a miracle.

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Liar! Liar! Liarrrrrrrrrrrr

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Liar! Liar! Liar!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Get back witch.

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: I'm not a witch I'm your wife. But after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!

Fezzik says: I'm on the brute squad.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: You ARE the brute squad.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: The King's stinken son fired me and thank you so much for bringing up such a rotten subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pore lemon juice on it. We're closed!

Larry Donner says: Let me hang it up for you!

Momma says: I can hang up my own goddman shirt!

Larry Donner says: I know that, but I would like to hang it up for you!

Momma says: Get out of my way, you black bastard!

Larry Donner says: [Confused] What?

Larry Donner says: [confused] What?

Momma says: Who the hell are you?!

Larry Donner says: I'm Owen's friend.

Momma says: Owen doesn't have a friend!

Larry Donner says: That's because he's shy.

Momma says: No he's not! He's fat and stupid! Get out of my house! [She hits him with her cane]

Momma says: No he's not! He's fat and stupid! Get out of my house! [she hits him with her cane]

Larry Donner says: Are you okay, Mrs. Lift?

Momma says: Beat it, chump!

Momma says: Oh you saved me, Owen!

Larry Donner says: Mrs. Lift, are you okay?

Momma says: Beat it, chump! [She kicks him off the train]

Momma says: Beat it, chump! [she kicks him off the train]

Owen Lift says: Bye, Larry!

Owen Lift says: Larry! You're alive!

Larry Donner says: You killed her.

Momma says: HOLY SHIT! [Owen and Larry get startled] What a dream I was havin'! Louis Armstrong was tryin' to kill me!

Larry Donner says: Mrs. Lift?

Momma says: Get away from me, you horse's ass! [She hits him in the crotch with her cane; Larry groans and collapses]

Momma says: Get away from me, you horse's ass! [she hits him in the crotch with her cane; Larry groans and collapses]

Larry Donner says: [To Owen] She's not a woman... she's the Terminator.

Larry Donner says: [to Owen] She's not a woman... she's the Terminator.

Larry Donner says: She's not a woman! She's the Terminator!

Celia says: You expect me to believe that pack of lies, Mike Wazowski!?

Boo says: Mike Wazowski!

Celia says: *gasps*

Mike Wazowski says: I love you schmooksie poo!

Mike Wazowski says: Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me!

Fezzik says: I'm on the brute squad.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: You are the brute squad.

Morty the Mime says: Mime is money

Morty the Mime says: Mime is money.

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: What have I done? This could ruin the company.

Mike Wazowski says: Who cares about the company? What about us? That thing is a killing machine! [points at Boo, who is babbling harmlessly] I bet it's waiting for us to fall asleep, and then - bam! Oh, we're easy prey, my friend. Easy prey! We're sitting targets!

Mike Wazowski says: Who cares about the company? What about us? That thing is a killing machine! [points at Boo, who is babbling harmlessly] I bet it's waiting for us to fall asleep, and then - bam! Oh, we're easy prey, my friend. Easy prey! We're sitting targets!

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: There's something else..

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: There's something else.

Mike Wazowski says: what?

Mike Wazowski says: What?

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: ook lay in the ag bay..

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: Look lay in the ag bay.

Mike Wazowski says: WHAT!?

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: Look in the bag..

James P. Sullivan "Sully" says: Look in the bag.

Mike Wazowski says: One time there was someone asking me who was most beautiful monster in the whole monstrocity, you what I said?

Celia says: what did you said?

Celia says: What did you said?

Mike Wazowski says: I said.... SULLY!

Mike Wazowski says: I said... SULLY!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: There is nothing better than true love in the whole world. Except a nice MLT. Mutton, lettuce, and tomato when the mutton is nice and lean and the lettuce is nice and crisp. Ohhh you can't beat it.

Harry Burns says: Tomato tomato potato potato

Harry Burns says: Tomato tomato potato potato.

Calcifer (English Version) says: May all your bacon burn.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Mostly dead means he's slightly alive; all dead, well there's only one thing you can do.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya says: What's that?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Search his clothes for loose change, hehe.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Larry Donner says: Hate makes you impotent, love makes you crazy, somewhere in the middle you can survive.

Larry Donner says: Hate makes you impotent, love makes you crazy. Somewhere in the middle you can survive.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: Have fun storming the castle!

Valerie the Wizard's Wife says: Think it'll work?

Miracle Max the Wizard says: It'll take a miracle!

Miracle Max the Wizard says: He is only MOSTLY dead. Not ALL dead. You can bring them back to life if they are only MOSTLY dead. Now, give me that stick...

Miracle Max the Wizard says: He is only mostly dead. Not all dead. You can bring them back to life if they are only mostly dead. Now, give me that stick.

Harry Burns says: It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

Ben Sobel says: Im also now to the people who know me the best, AS THE FUCKING DOCTOR.

Ben Sobel says: I'm also known to the people who know me the best as, The Fucking Doctor.

Mike Wazowski says: Oh, that's great, blame it on the little guy. How original. He must've read the schedule wrong with his one eye.

Harry Burns says: When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Miracle Max the Wizard says: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Harry Burns says: But I would be proud...

Sally Albright says: But I would be proud...

Harry Burns says: ...to partake...

Sally Albright says: ...to partake...

Harry Burns says: ...of your pecan pie.

Sally Albright says: ...of your pecan pie.

Mitch Robbins says: Hi, Curly, kill anyone today?

Curly says: Day ain't over yet.