Jamie Kennedy

Highest Rated: 94% Three Kings (1999)

Lowest Rated: 2% Kickin' It Old Skool (2007)

Birthday: May 25, 1970

Birthplace: Not Available

An actor whose name became synonymous with "comic relief" during the late 1990s, Jamie Kennedy made his reputation playing a series of wise-asses in such films as the Scream trilogy and the independent comedy Clockwatchers. Born in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, on May 25, 1970, Kennedy showed comedic inclinations from an early age, and first became inspired to pursue an acting career when he was cast as an extra in Dead Poets Society (1989). After high school, Kennedy moved to L.A., where he wanted to have a career as an extra. Unfortunately, Hollywood casting agents had other ideas, and the aspiring actor found himself working odd jobs ranging from a restaurant busboy to a gum-scraper at K-Mart. During this time, he also studied at the American/British Drama Academy and began finding stand-up work at various improv clubs. It was in one of these clubs that he caught the attention of an independent filmmaker and was subsequently cast in the little-seen The Legend of Flin Flon. The actor's bona fide entry into the film industry came with a supporting role in Baz Luhrmann's 1996 William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, in which he played a fuchsia-haired thug. That same year he had a huge breakthrough in Wes Craven's Scream, which cast him as a video store clerk with an unnerving lust for horror movies. The great success of the film opened a number of doors for Kennedy, one of which led to a memorable role as an office boy in Jill Sprecher's well-received independent comedy Clockwatchers (1997), which also starred Lisa Kudrow, Parker Posey, and Toni Collette. The actor also reprised his role for the inevitable Scream 2 (1997) and Scream 3 (2000) and appeared in such slacker extravaganzas as Bongwater and Starf*cker (both 1998).Kennedy got a shot at more grown-up fare with a supporting role in David O. Russell's acclaimed Gulf War drama Three Kings (1999), and a turn as a movie studio gofer in the satirical Bowfinger (1999). His growing popularity was reflected in the number of projects he was involved with in 2000; included amongst them were Ben Younger's The Boiler Room, in which Kennedy played an ambitious young stock broker, and The Specials, an ensemble comedy that cast him as a member of a motley group of superheroes.He appeared in the movies Max Keeble's Big Move and Bug before moving to the small screen to host the series The Jamie Kennedy Experiment. He was the star of the ill-fated sequel Son of the Mask and he was one of the voiceover artists in the comedy Farce of the Penguins. His other projects include Malibu's Most Wanted, Finding Bliss, and Tyler Perry's Good Deeds.

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Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

MOVIES

		CREDIT
No Score Yet	Heart, Baby!	Actor	—	2018
42%	Spinning Man	Ross	—	2018
No Score Yet	Surviving the Wild	Kristopher	—	2018
40%	Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell	Travis B. Welker	—	2018
No Score Yet	Walk of Fame	Hugo	—	2017
No Score Yet	Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel'le	Jerry Heller	—	2016
No Score Yet	Little Savages	Fritz	—	2016
No Score Yet	Le trésor de Whittmore	Fritz	—	2016
No Score Yet	R.L. Stine's Mostly Ghostly: One Night in Doom House	Simon	—	2016
No Score Yet	Tremors 5: Bloodlines	Travis Welker	—	2015
No Score Yet	Rivers 9	Rob	—	2015
No Score Yet	Other Plans	Nathan Producer	—	2015
No Score Yet	Buddy Hutchins	Buddy Hutchins	—	2015
No Score Yet	The Sand (Blood Sand)	Alex	—	2015
No Score Yet	Mission Air	Actor	—	2014
No Score Yet	Nowhere Safe	Ashley Evans	—	2014
No Score Yet	Bermuda Tentacles	Dr. Zimmern	—	2014
No Score Yet	Bro, What Happened?	Actor	—	2014
No Score Yet	Jackhammer	Actor	—	2014
No Score Yet	The Hungover Games	Actor	—	2014
No Score Yet	Clean Guys Of Comedy	Actor	—	2013
No Score Yet	Lost And Found In Armenia	Bill	$0.2M	2013
No Score Yet	Bending the Rules	Theo Gold	—	2012
32%	Tyler Perry's Good Deeds	Mark Freeze	$35.1M	2012
No Score Yet	Cupid	Vernon Gart	—	2012
No Score Yet	The Reef 2: High Tide	Ronny	—	2012
No Score Yet	On the Inside	Producer	—	2011
No Score Yet	Café	Dealer	—	2010
26%	Finding Bliss	Dick Harder	—	2009
No Score Yet	Curious George 2: Follow That Monkey!	Actor	—	2009
No Score Yet	Spring Break '83	Actor	—	2009
No Score Yet	Extreme Movie	Mateus	—	2008
60%	Heckler	Director Actor Producer	—	2008
14%	Blonde Ambition	Actor	—	2007
2%	Kickin' It Old Skool	Producer	$4.5M	2007
No Score Yet	Farce of the Penguins	Jamie	—	2007
No Score Yet	Jamie Kennedy: Unwashed: The Stand-Up Special	Actor	—	2006
No Score Yet	Dinotopia: Quest for the Ruby Sunstone	Spazz	—	2005
6%	Son of the Mask	Tim Avery	$17M	2005
No Score Yet	Searching for Angela Shelton	Executive Producer	—	2004
74%	Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle	Creepy Guy	$18.3M	2004
31%	Malibu's Most Wanted	Screenwriter B-Rad	$34.4M	2003
No Score Yet	Bug	Dwight	—	2002
No Score Yet	Pretty When You Cry	Albert Straka	—	2001
29%	Max Keeble's Big Move	Evil Ice Cream Man	$16.6M	2001
52%	Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back	PA	$29.9M	2001
42%	Dr. Dolittle 2	Bandit/Forest Animal/Animal Groupie #1	$111.5M	2001
No Score Yet	Sol Goode	Justin Sax	—	2001
No Score Yet	Slacker Cats	Actor	—	2001
47%	The Specials	Amok Producer	—	2000
26%	Bait	Blum	$15M	2000
66%	Boiler Room	Adam	—	2000
39%	Scream 3	Randy Meeks	—	2000
94%	Three Kings	Walter	—	1999
81%	Bowfinger	Dave	—	1999
17%	Sparkler	Trent	—	1999
71%	Enemy of the State	Jamie	—	1998
83%	Clockwatchers	Eddie	—	1998
17%	Bongwater	Tommy	—	1998
No Score Yet	Starstruck	George	—	1998
No Score Yet	Stricken	Banyon	—	1998
No Score Yet	The Pass	Deputy Bank	—	1998
85%	As Good as It Gets	Street Hustler	—	1997
82%	Scream 2	Randy Meeks	—	1997
No Score Yet	On the Edge of Innocence	Luke	—	1997
No Score Yet	Pass	Actor	—	1997
79%	Scream	Randy	—	1996
72%	Romeo + Juliet	Sampson	—	1996
No Score Yet	Parental Guidance Suggested	Actor	—

TV

		CREDIT
No Score Yet	To Tell the Truth 2016	Panelist	2017
87%	Lucifer 2016	Andy Kleinburg	2017 2016
20%	Heartbeat 2015	Dr. Callahan	2016
No Score Yet	Star vs. the Forces of Evil 2015	Voice	2015
No Score Yet	CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 2000-2015	Ed Kapena	2014
No Score Yet	Funniest Wins 2014	Appearing	2014
No Score Yet	The After 2014		2014
No Score Yet	The Soul Man 2012-2016	Kevin	2013
No Score Yet	Jimmy Kimmel Live 2003	Guest	2012 2010
No Score Yet	The Cleveland Show 2009-2013	Screenwriter Voice	2012 2011 2010 2009
66%	Entourage 2004-2011	Stevie	2011
77%	Eureka 2006-2012	Dr. Ramsey	2010
No Score Yet	Ghost Whisperer 2005-2010	Eli Eli James	2010 2009 2008
No Score Yet	Late Night With Jimmy Fallon 2009-2014	Guest	2009
No Score Yet	Chelsea Lately 2007-2014	Guest	2009 2008
75%	Reaper 2007-2009		2008
No Score Yet	Criminal Minds 2005	Floyd Feylinn Ferell	2007
No Score Yet	MADtv 1995-2009	Guest	2007 2003
75%	Arrested Development 2003	Himself	2006 2005
No Score Yet	The Ellen DeGeneres Show 2003	Guest	2006 2005 2004
No Score Yet	King of the Hill 1997-2010	Voice	2004 2003
No Score Yet	The Tonight Show With Jay Leno 1992-2014	Guest	2003
No Score Yet	Russell Simmons Presents Def Poetry 2001-2007	Performer	2003 2002
No Score Yet	Night Visions 2001-2002	Mark Stevens	2002
0%	Stark Raving Mad 1999-2000	Doobs	2000

QUOTES FROM Jamie Kennedy CHARACTERS

Shondra	Damn! What happened to you?
Brad Gluckman	Shut up hoe.
Shondra	Hoe! Who you callin' a hoe, hoe?
Brad Gluckman	You hoe! The same hoe that gave that weak ass kiss 5 minutes ago in the bedroom.
PJ	Shondra?
Sean	I told you she liked white boys.

Randy Meeks

I'd let the geek, get the girl.

Walter Wogaman

Can I have my pants, please? Pants, on my legs.

Walter Wogaman

Military regulations, you cannot drive. Step away from the Chenoweth, ma'am. Don't make me shoot you, ma'am.

Mickey	The Empire Strikes Back. Better story, improved effects.
Randy Meeks	Not a sequel. Part of a trilogy. Completely planned.
Hallie	I like those little furry things.
Mickey	They're Ewoks. They blow.

Sidney Prescott	Three hundred people watched. Nobody did anything. They thought it was publicity stunt, for Christ's sakes.
Randy Meeks	[with Cockney accent] And it would have been a good one too.
Randy Meeks	And it would have been a good one too.
Sidney Prescott	It's starting again Randy.
Randy Meeks	[with Cockney accent again] It's not. A lot of shit happens at the movies. People get robbed, shot, maimed, murdered. Multiplex is just a very dangerous place to be these days.
Randy Meeks	It's not. A lot of shit happens at the movies. People get robbed, shot, maimed, murdered. Multiplex is just a very dangerous place to be these days.
Sidney Prescott	Yeah, and you are in extreme denial.
Sidney Prescott	Yeah and you are in extreme denial.

Dewey Riley	When did she started smoking?
Randy Meeks	Ever since those nude pictures on the internet.
Gale Weathers	It was just my head, it was Jennifer Aniston's body!

Randy Meeks

There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.

Randy Meeks	Did the police ask if you liked to hunt?
Tatum Riley	Why would they do that? They didn't ask me.
Stuart	Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.
Tatum Riley	That is so sexist. The killer could have easily been a female. Basic Instinct.
Stuart	That was an ice pick, not exactly the same thing.
Stuart	Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. In fact,it takes a man to do something like that.
Tatum Riley	Or a man's mentality.

Stuart	Why would he want to kill his own girlfriend?
Randy Meeks	There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience.

Randy Meeks

[staring at Billy Loomis in the videostore] If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath - would you be standing in the horror section?

Sidney Prescott	Didn't you used to date Casey?
Stuart	Yeah, for, like, two seconds!
Randy Meeks	Til she dumped his ass for Steve!
Tatum Riley	(To Stu) I thought you dumped her for me...
Tatum Riley	[to Stu] I thought you dumped her for me...

Debbie Salt	(As Ghostface) What's your favorite scary movie?
Debbie Salt	[as Ghostface] What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy Meeks	Showgirls, absolutely terrifying!

Dewey Riley	Creepy Karen?
Randy Meeks	Shut up! She's a sweet person, okay? We were working late. We were putting away some videos in the porno section, and, you know, shit happens. (shouting and knocking from the door behind him) Fifteen minutes. (it continues) Paul, fifteen minutes! I'm leaving my legacy. (it continues) Fifteen minutes, Paul! Damn! Anyway, the reason I'm here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain. That my life's work will help save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back, and he's for real, there are a few things that you gotta remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well, if it is, same rules apply. But, here's the critical thing. If you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back-story, and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules do not apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel. You are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy. That's right. It's a rarity in the horror field, but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get-go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules. One: you've got a killer who's gonna be superhuman. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically, in the third one, you've gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. Number two: anyone, including the main character, can die. This means you, Sid. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fucking Reservoir Dogs by the time this thing is through. Number three: the past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. (long pause) So in closing, let me say...good luck, godspeed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't. Not if you're watching this tape (the video promptly ends)
Randy Meeks	Shut up! She's a sweet person, okay? We were working late. We were putting away some videos in the porno section, and, you know, shit happens. (shouting and knocking from the door behind him) Fifteen minutes. (it continues) Paul, fifteen minutes! I'm leaving my legacy. (it continues) Fifteen minutes, Paul! Damn! Anyway, the reason I'm here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain. That my life's work will help save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back, and he's for real, there are a few things that you gotta remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well, if it is, same rules apply. But, here's the critical thing. If you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back-story, and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules do not apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel. You are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy. That's right. It's a rarity in the horror field, but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get-go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules. One: you've got a killer who's gonna be superhuman. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically, in the third one, you've gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. Number two: anyone, including the main character, can die. This means you, Sid. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fucking Reservoir Dogs by the time this thing is through. Number three: the past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. (long pause) So in closing, let me say...good luck, godspeed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't. Not if you're watching this tape (the video promptly ends).

Randy Meeks	Maybe wouldn't have sex with him...
Stuart	what, is she savin' herself for you?
Stuart	What, is she savin' herself for you?
Randy Meeks	maybe.
Randy Meeks	Maybe.

Theo Gold

Technically no. But he did order a lot of donuts.

Randy Meeks	There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie--you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one. And 3. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back."
Randy Meeks	There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance: 1. You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie--you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death. 2. Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one. And 3. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say 'I'll be right back.'

Major Archie Gates	Though's don't work in the day time
Major Archie Gates	Though's don't work in the day time.
Walter Wogaman	They kinda do
Walter Wogaman	They kinda do.

Randy Meeks	can't you see she's planning for her next book, that's what reporter's do Dewey, they stage the news!
Randy Meeks	Can't you see she's planning for her next book, that's what reporter's do Dewey, they stage the news!
Dewey Riley	No, Gale's a lot of things, but gale's not a killer...
Randy Meeks	com'on just because your sweet on her...
Randy Meeks	Com'on just because your sweet on her...
Dewey Riley	no I'm not..
Dewey Riley	No I'm not..
Randy Meeks	Please! this is me,talking Randy, the unrequited love slave of Sidney Prescott, know all about obsession (shows his bullet shut to Dewey) and pain...
Randy Meeks	Please! this is me,talking Randy, the unrequited love slave of Sidney Prescott, know all about obsession [shows his bullet shut to Dewey] and pain...

Dave	But movies cost millions of dollars to make.
Bobby Bowfinger	That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.

Randy Meeks	(Randy answered the cellphone)Gale's not here!
Randy Meeks	[Randy answered the cellphone] Gale's not here!
Mickey	(with the voice of ghostface) I'm not interrupting anything am i? you little three are deep in thought, have you ever felt the knife cut through human flesh and scrape the bone beneath.... hehehehe....
Mickey	[with the voice of ghostface] I'm not interrupting anything am I? you little three are deep in thought, have you ever felt the knife cut through human flesh and scrape the bone beneath.... hehehehe....

Brad Gluckman	Traffic traffic Looking for my chapstick Feeling kinda carsick There's a ford maverick
Brad Gluckman	Traffic traffic Looking for my chapstick Feeling kinda carsick There's a ford maverick.

Evil Ice Cream Man	I want my coil.
Dobbs	I want my handheld!
Evil Ice Cream Man	What'd you say, punk?
Dobbs	I said "I want my handheld."
Dobbs	I said 'I want my handheld.'
Evil Ice Cream Man	You want your handheld?
Dobbs	Yeah. You heard me. I said "I want my handheld."
Dobbs	Yeah. You heard me. I said 'I want my handheld.'
Evil Ice Cream Man	You want me to hold your hand?
Dobbs	No!
Evil Ice Cream Man	Need somebody to hold his hand! Little baby! Little baby!

Randy Meeks	What's your favorite scary movie?
Mickey	[as Ghostface] You'll never find me!
Randy Meeks	Yeah, what do you care? Let them have their fun.
Mickey	[as Ghostface] What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy Meeks	Showgirls. Absolutely frightening.

Randy Meeks	[Gale's phone rings and Randy answers it] Gale's not here!
Mickey	[as Ghostface] I'm not interrupting anything, am I? You three look deep in thought. Have you ever felt a knife cut through human flesh and scrape the bone beneath? [maniacal laugh]
Randy Meeks	It's him.
Dewey Riley	Who?
Randy Meeks	The killer. He can see us. All three of us.

Randy Meeks	[discussing with Dewey who is the killer] Hallie.
Dewey Riley	Sid's roommate? No, serial killers are typically white male.
Randy Meeks	That's why it's perfect. It's sort of against the rules, but not really. Mrs. Voorhees was a terrific serial killer, and there's always room for Candyman's daughter. She's sweet, she's deadly, she's bad for your teeth.

Randy Meeks	Don't ever, EVER say I'll be right back, cause you won't be back.
Stuart	I'm getting another beer, want one?.
Stuart	I'm getting another beer, want one?
Randy Meeks	Yes, sure.
Randy Meeks	Yeah, sure.
Stuart	I'll be right back!.
Stuart	I'll be right back!

Dewey Riley	Trilogy?
Randy Meeks	That's right, it's a rarity in the horror field but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules: 1. You got a killer who's going to be super human. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. 2. Anyone including the main character can die. This means you Sid. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fu**ing "Reservoir Dogs" by the time this thing is through. Number 3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest. Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say good luck, god speed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't, not if you're watching this tape.
Randy Meeks	That's right, it's a rarity in the horror field but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules: 1. You got a killer who's going to be super human. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. 2. Anyone including the main character can die. This means you Sid. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fu**ing 'Reservoir Dogs' by the time this thing is through. Number 3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest. Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say good luck, god speed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't, not if you're watching this tape.

Randy Meeks

A lot of sh*t happens at the movies, people get robbed, shot, maimed, murdered. Multiplexes are very dangerous places to be these days.

Randy Meeks	It's deputy Dew...Woodsboro's finest! What's he doing here?
Randy Meeks	It's deputy Dew. Woodsboro's finest! What's he doing here?

Dewey Riley	Typically, serial killers are white male.
Randy Meeks	That's why it's perfect! It's sort of against the rules but not really. Mrs. Voorhees was a terrific serial killer, and there's always room for Candyman's daughter. She's sweet, she's deadly, she's bad for your teeth.

Randy Meeks	There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - "carnage candy". And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.
Randy Meeks	There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - 'carnage candy'. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.

Randy Meeks	Mickey, the freaky Tarantino film student. But if he's a suspect, so am I. Let's move on.
Dewey Riley	Wait a minute. Maybe you are a suspect.
Randy Meeks	Well if I'm a suspect, you're a suspect.
Dewey Riley	Good point. Okay, let's move on...
Dewey Riley	Good point. Okay, let's move on.

Mickey	Empire Strikes Back. Better story, improved effects.
Randy Meeks	Not a sequel, part of a trilogy, completely planned.

Randy Meeks	Oh yeah? We'll let's re-direct the moment Mr. "I'm So Original". Where's your motivation? Huh? Why copy yourself off of two high school loser ass dikheads? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag...And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the f*k? Jesus! Talk about a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson, Bundy, O.J.
Randy Meeks	Oh yeah? We'll let's re-direct the moment Mr. 'I'm So Original'. Where's your motivation? Huh? Why copy yourself off of two high school loser ass dikheads? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag. And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the f*k? Jesus! Talk about a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson, Bundy, O.J.

Mickey	(OR DEBBIE SALT?) - Why are you even here Randy? You'll never be the leading man.
Mickey	Why are you even here Randy? You'll never be the leading man.
Randy Meeks	Fuuuuuuu*k you!
Randy Meeks	Fu*k you!
Mickey	(OR DEBBIE SALT?) No matter how hard you try you'll never be the hero and you'll never ever get the girl.
Mickey	No matter how hard you try you'll never be the hero and you'll never ever get the girl.

Randy Meeks	(when asked how he'd make a horror movie different?) - ...I'd let the geek get the girl.
Randy Meeks	(when asked how he'd make a horror movie different?) I'd let the geek get the girl.

Randy Meeks

Sorry. So, what's your favorite scary movie? The Dorm that Dripped Blood, The House on Sorority Row, Graduation Day?

Randy Meeks	Sidney, look, it's Gale Weathers.
Sidney Prescott	What?
Randy Meeks	Star of the Gale Weathers press conference...Author of the press conference starring Gale Weathers. Soon to be a major motion picture starring Gale Weathers!
Randy Meeks	Star of the Gale Weathers press conference. Author of the press conference starring Gale Weathers. Soon to be a major motion picture starring Gale Weathers!

Randy Meeks

I cannot believe it. They get Tori Spelling to play Sid, and they cast Joe Blow Nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove the stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn!

Dewey Riley	When did she start smoking?
Randy Meeks	Ever since those nude pictures on the internet.
Gale Weathers	It was just my head...it was Jennifer Aniston's body!
Gale Weathers	It was just my head. It was Jennifer Aniston's body!

Dewey Riley	Look, Gale's no killer.
Randy Meeks	Okay, all right then, but if she's not a killer, she's a target.

Randy Meeks

Get a room!

Mickey	(OR DEBBIE SALT?) - What's your favorite scary movie?
Mickey	What's your favorite scary movie?
Randy Meeks	Showgirls...absolutely frightening.
Randy Meeks	Showgirls. Absolutely frightening.

Sidney Prescott	The Fog, Terror Train, Prom Night. How come Jamie Lee Curtis is in all of these movies?
Randy Meeks	She's the "Scream Queen"!
Randy Meeks	She's the 'Scream Queen'!
Stuart	Yeah with a set of lungs like that, she should be.
Tatum Riley	Tits! See?

Stuart	I didn't kill anybody.
Billy Loomis	Nobody said you did.
Stuart	Thanks buddy!
Randy Meeks	Besides..."It takes a MAN to do something like that!"
Randy Meeks	Besides, 'It takes a MAN to do something like that!
Stuart	Yeah I ought to gut your ass in a second, kid.
Randy Meeks	Tell me something. Did you really put her liver in the mailbox? Because I heard they found her liver in the mailbox next to her spleen and her pancreas.

Stuart	Because there's no way a girl could have killed them.
Tatum Riley	That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female...Basic Instinct?
Tatum Riley	That is so sexist. The killer could easily be female. Basic Instinct?
Randy Meeks	That was an ice pick. Not exactly the same thing.
Stuart	Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. In fact, it takes a man to do something like that.

Randy Meeks

We had a run in the mass murder section.

Randy Meeks	Careful. This is the moment when the supposedly dead killer comes back to life, for one last scare.
Sidney Prescott	(shoots Billy after he rises up) - Not in my movie.
Sidney Prescott	(shoots Billy after he rises up) Not in my movie.

Stuart	You know who I think it is? I think it's her father. Why can't they find her pops man?
Randy Meeks	Because, he's probably dead. His body will come popping up in the last reel somewhere! Eyes gouged out! Fingers cut off! Teeth knocked out! See, the police are always off track with this sh*t. If they'd watch Prom Night they'd save time. There's a formula to it! A very simple formula! Everybody's a suspect! I'm telling you, the dad's a red herring. It's Billy.

Randy Meeks	There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex. (crowd boo's)...BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs...The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back.
Randy Meeks	There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex. (crowd boo's) BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, 'I'll be right back.' Because you won't be back.
Stuart	I'm getting another beer, you want one?
Randy Meeks	Yeah, sure.
Stuart	I'll be RIIIIIGGGGHHHHT BAAAAAACK!
Randy Meeks	See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

Randy Meeks

There's always some stupid bullsh*t reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience.

Randy Meeks

It's the millennium. Motives are incidental.

Sidney Prescott	Oh, my God. Randy I thought you were dead.
Randy Meeks	I probably should be. I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin.

Randy Meeks	Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sid would go out with me?
Stuart	HA-HA! No...I don't...at all!
Stuart	HA-HA! No. I don't, at all!

Randy Meeks

Look, here comes the obligatory tit shot.

Stuart	As if. That's all I'm saying...as if.
Stuart	As if. That's all I'm saying, as if.
Randy Meeks	Oh, really, Alicia?

Randy Meeks	If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath - would you be standing in the horror section?
Randy Meeks	If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath, would you be standing in the horror section?

Randy Meeks	(to Stu; about Billy) - What's Leatherface doing here?
Randy Meeks	(to Stu; about Billy) What's Leatherface doing here?

Stuart	So what are you saying is...that I killed her?
Stuart	So what are you saying is, that I killed her?
Randy Meeks	It certainly would improve your high school "Q"
Randy Meeks	It certainly would improve your high school 'Q'.
Tatum Riley	Stu was with me last night, okay?
Stuart	Yeah, I was.
Randy Meeks	Was that before or after he sliced and diced?!

Stuart	I wanna see breasts. I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts?
Randy Meeks	Breasts? Not until "Trading Places" in '83. Jamie Lee was always a virgin in horror movies. She didn't show her tits 'til she went legits.
Randy Meeks	Breasts? Not until 'Trading Places' in '83. Jamie Lee was always a virgin in horror movies. She didn't show her tits 'til she went legits.

Randy Meeks	Listen up. They found Principal Himbry dead. He was gutted and hung from the goal post on the football field. (Drunk Teen: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go over there before they pry him down!)
Randy Meeks	Listen up. They found Principal Himbry dead. He was gutted and hung from the goal post on the football field.

Randy Meeks	Never, ever, ever, under any circunstances say : "I'll be right back"; 'cause you won't be back.
Randy Meeks	Never, ever, ever, under any circunstances say, 'I'll be right back', cause you won't be back.
Stuart	I'm getting another beer; you want one ?
Stuart	I'm getting another beer, you want one ?
Randy Meeks	Yeah sure.
Stuart	I'll be right back !!!
Stuart	I'll be right back!

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