Joel Murray

I really hate this country.

That's why we're moving to France.

Come on Frank, let's dance.

I don't dance.

Come on , I'll lead.

I doubt that.

I don't care, I'm just glad he's dead.

This is more fun than killing yourself, right?

I don't know. Yeah I guess.

You're one pretty girl.

Want to join Oozma Kappa?

We've got cake.

Just think of us as brothers that share the same mom/wife! Wait, that's worse...

Just think of us as brothers that share the same mom wife! Wait, that's worse.

Yeah that's a fuckin' tragady

Yeah that's a fuckin' tragedy.

Why have a civilization if we are no longer interested in being civilized

Why have a civilization if we are no longer interested in being civilized.

What's wrong with Glee?

It stereotypes and homogenizes homosexuals. Plus, it ruined Rocky Horror forever.

I hate guys that buy hundred thousand dollar cars and then drive them 10 miles slower than the speed limit. MAO!

Wow! Look at all these people.

Yeah. I wish I had an AK-47.

I only kill people who deserve to die.

So you can kill a teenager, just not fuck one?

Yeah.

[after finishing shooting practice] You did a good job.

I have a good coach. That and I was pretending the targets were the cast of Glee.

Are you A.D.D. 'Juno'

Yes. I have A.D.D. And don't you ever call me fucking 'Juno' again.

That's one of the problems of your generation. You can't enjoy anything unless it was recorded. You were there. You lived it. Isn't that enough of an experience? I mean, next time you want to remember something, instead of taking out your cell phone, why don't you take a picture of it with your brain camera? I mean, when I was your age, nobody tweeted, yet we managed to have experiences. You know, a phone was attached to a wall back at the house. It didn't have a camera.

(after shooting teddy bears for target practice) You did a good job.

[after shooting teddy bears for target practice] You did a good job.

Thanks. I had a great teacher. (pause) That, and I pretended they were the cast of Glee.

Thanks. I had a great teacher. [pause] That, and I pretended they were the cast of Glee.

What's wrong with Glee?

They stereotype and homogenize homosexuals. Plus they've ruined Rocky Horror forEVER!!

They stereotype and homogenize homosexuals. Plus they've ruined Rocky Horror forEVER!

If you want the car just take it. My parents bought me the wrong one anyways.

Yeah, that's a fucking shame.

I know it's not normal to want to kill people but I am no longer normal.

I would defend their freedom of speech if I thought it was in jeopardy. I would defend their freedom of speech to tell uninspired, bigoted, blowjob, gay-bashing, racist and rape jokes all under the guise of being edgy, but that's not the edge. That's what sells. They couldn't possibly pander any harder or be more commercially mainstream, because this is the "Oh no, you didn't say that!" generation, where a shocking comment has more weight than the truth. No one has any shame anymore, and we're supposed to celebrate it. I saw a woman throw a used tampon at another woman last night on network television, a network that bills itself as "Today's Woman's Channel". Kids beat each other blind and post it on Youtube. I mean, do you remember when eating rats and maggots on Survivor was shocking? It all seems so quaint now. I'm sure the girls from "2 Girls 1 Cup" are gonna have their own dating show on VH-1 any day now. I mean, why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?

I would defend their freedom of speech if I thought it was in jeopardy. I would defend their freedom of speech to tell uninspired, bigoted, blowjob, gay-bashing, racist and rape jokes all under the guise of being edgy, but that's not the edge. That's what sells. They couldn't possibly pander any harder or be more commercially mainstream, because this is the 'Oh no, you didn't say that!' generation, where a shocking comment has more weight than the truth. No one has any shame anymore, and we're supposed to celebrate it. I saw a woman throw a used tampon at another woman last night on network television, a network that bills itself as 'Today's Woman's Channel'. Kids beat each other blind and post it on Youtube. I mean, do you remember when eating rats and maggots on Survivor was shocking? It all seems so quaint now. I'm sure the girls from '2 Girls 1 Cup' are gonna have their own dating show on VH-1 any day now. I mean, why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?

Who you're killing next? Do you take requests? Because I was thinking maybe some Kardashians, my gym coach. People who give high fives. Really, any jock. Twihards. People who talk about punk rock. Who else really rips my cock off?

Get off the bed!

Oh, Mormons and other religious assholes who won't let gay people be married. And adult women who call their tits the girls.

Frank: [On the air] My name is Frank. That's not important. The important question is: who are you? America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest. We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and wrong. The worst qualities in people are looked up to and celebrated. Lying and spreading fear is fine as long as you make money doing it. We've become a nation of slogan-saying, bile-spewing hatemongers. We've lost our kindness. We've lost our soul. What have we become? We take the weakest in our society, we hold them up to be ridiculed, laughed at for our sport and entertainment. Laughed at to the point, where they would literally rather kill themselves than live with us anymore.

[On the air] My name is Frank. That's not important. The important question is: who are you? America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest. We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and wrong. The worst qualities in people are looked up to and celebrated. Lying and spreading fear is fine as long as you make money doing it. We've become a nation of slogan-saying, bile-spewing hatemongers. We've lost our kindness. We've lost our soul. What have we become? We take the weakest in our society, we hold them up to be ridiculed, laughed at for our sport and entertainment. Laughed at to the point, where they would literally rather kill themselves than live with us anymore.

Why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?

I hate when people use the word actually. Like, are you actually putting that gun to your head.

[I hate] People who say namaste.

What's that?

It's an indian greeting the hippies stole.

I hate my neighbors. The constant cacophony of stupidity that pours from their apartment is absolutely soul crushing

I hate my neighbors. The constant cacophony of stupidity that pours from their apartment is absolutely soul crushing.

Are you really goin' to take up both of those parking spaces?