J. Don Birnam
Tomatometer-approved critic
I am a lifelong fan of all forms of cinema from historical epics to classics from the 1940s through the 1970s. I am a voting member of the New York Film Critics Online group and of the Gay & Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association. I love attending film festivals over the world, travelling, and I sometimes moonlight as a lawyer. I am a fan of international and LGBT films. I was born and raised mostly in Mexico.
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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Guy Ritchie's The Covenant (2023) |
The serious melodrama falters when it becomes little more than an action movie devoid of the melodrama. - Below the Line
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| Posted May 23, 2023
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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) |
The animals are cute, but the action is predictable and inconsequential as the Marvel Universe struggles to find a footing into the realm originality as it enters 30+ films. - Below the Line
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| Posted May 23, 2023
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Fast X (2023) |
The plot is too bloated by an enlarged cast, all of whom demand moments to shine in the sun, and a desire to outdo the prior installment's over the top special effects. - Below the Line
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| Posted May 23, 2023
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The Little Mermaid (2023) |
The live action version gives more emotional depth to the story while some of the effects felt a bit shallow. Awkwafina is alone a reason to watch the tale that remains timeless. - Below the Line
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| Posted May 23, 2023
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Air (2023) |
It's a very compelling story, but Affleck's focus is always on the least interesting characters -- presumably the ones he identifies with the most? - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 19, 2023
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The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) |
It's very entertaining for children and Nintendo fans, but the story is as deep as a Super Mario puddle and the throwaway references too sparse to even matter. - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 19, 2023
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) |
The only question is why it took so long to create a low-stakes but also highly amusing version of this long-running fan favorite. Chris Pine was perfectly cast. - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 05, 2023
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Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023) |
Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu give it their all, but the childishness and lack of consequence renders even the coolest action sequences and effects meaningless - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 05, 2023
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Scream VI (2023) |
The franchise manages to stay entertaining with freshly inventive horror sequences, but its failure to adhere to its own self-professed "rules" for who should die in a sequel spells trouble and could spell further problems. - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 05, 2023
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John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) |
If there were an Oscar for "best headshot effects" this movie would win it. And its over the top, senseless and overly long plot would lost it every other accolade possible. - Below the Line
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| Posted Apr 05, 2023
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Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) |
In a universe with 20+ films, one of them has to be the worst, and Quantamania is a strong contender for that inauspicious title, lacking any emotional mooring or reason to care whatsoever - Below the Line
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| Posted Feb 25, 2023
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Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023) |
The emperor has no clothes, and neither does the stripper...the joy of stripping and exploring sensuality is completely eradicated by a film that was groundbreaking in the early 2010s and too afraid of hyper-sensitive sexual taboos in 2023 - Below the Line
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| Posted Feb 25, 2023
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Knock at the Cabin (2023) |
Though at times you want it to deliver more on its promise, the conclusion sticks the landing in ways few Shayamalan films of late have managed to - Below the Line
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| Posted Feb 25, 2023
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The Son (2022) |
It's very simple: Do not watch this film, not even with its noteworthy cast. This is pointless, unadulterated suffering, unmoored from any sense of self or reality. - Below the Line
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| Posted Feb 25, 2023
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Cocaine Bear (2023) |
It's a preposterous film that is preposterously funny and never commits the cardinal sin of these types of movies: taking itself too seriously (because, it's not) - Below the Line
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| Posted Feb 25, 2023
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Plane (2023) |
It's called "Plane" but it could be called "Island" or "Guns" or just "Another Gerald Butler Movie" -- it's entertaining, but it's just that derivative and unexceptional - Below the Line
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| Posted Jan 13, 2023
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Babylon (2022) |
A lot of bells and whistles -- an admittedly superb acting -- amount to very little, in a movie whose plot about the downfall of great actors is mostly a rethread. - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 19, 2022
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The Whale (2022) |
This film is well crafted and well-acted, though questions about its purpose - why is this difficult movie about a very difficult man even made - unanswered. - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 13, 2022
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Violent Night (2022) |
There is a brilliant sequence that re-imagines what would have really happened to the bad guys in "Home Alone" had the traps been real, but the rest is just pointless violent and unlikable characters from Santa to Scrooge - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 08, 2022
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Armageddon Time (2022) |
One of the most beautiful coming of age biopics in recent memory, it showcases Hollywood finally realizing that a lot of the trends that trouble the industry socio-politically began not in the 2020s but in the 1980s - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 08, 2022
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Bones and All (2022) |
A brilliant third act is too little, too late, for this movie that has a shockingly shallow moral compass and disturbing comparisons of cannibalism to other innate human conditions - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 08, 2022
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White Noise (2022) |
It's simply not as clever as it thinks it is, and the white noise inevitably drowns out any sense of plot or reason to care about these self-important characters - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 08, 2022
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Spoiler Alert (2022) |
A heart-warming, personal tale, though one that is difficult to watch given its inherent sadness. Sally Field shines through as she always does in family dramas - Below the Line
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| Posted Dec 08, 2022
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Nanny (2022) |
Few films manage to employ such a quiet story to tell it in such a powerful way. - Below the Line
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| Posted Nov 10, 2022
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Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) |
Great acting by Lupita Nyong'o and Danai Gurira, plus spectacular costumes by Ruth Carter, save this movie whose central plotline of enmity between two colonized peoples is meandering and unconvincing - Below the Line
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| Posted Nov 10, 2022
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Halloween Ends (2022) |
Laurie Strode and Michael Myers' tortured relationship comes to a close (maybe) in a movie that picks up some of the themes about good and evil but in a softer way - Below the Line
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| Posted Oct 26, 2022
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The Fabelmans (2022) |
This beautiful picture based on a charmed life is contemplative and dreamy, with a moving Michelle Williams at its core, even though the lack of childhood darkness leaves the story without any urgent gravitational pull - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 30, 2022
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The Woman King (2022) |
Viola Davis introduced this film by calling it her magnum opus--and she was not kidding. As the aging but brave warrior at the center of the film, she makes what should have been a mundane war movie something much more memorable - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 30, 2022
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The Banshees of Inisherin (2022) |
This dark comedy about human loneliness and the need to be loved, featuring a strong performance by Colin Farrell, brings a whole new meaning to the adage "cutting off your nose to spite your face" - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 30, 2022
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The Good Nurse (2022) |
Jessica Chastain and Eddie Redmayne are of course excellent, but the script of this otherwise incredible story of murder and deceit is too unpolished-- no one talks like any of the characters in this movie do. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 30, 2022
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Bros (2022) |
Great (actually, amazing) as a hilarious romcom, terrible as the queer liberation message it purports to be - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 30, 2022
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Empire of Light (2022) |
Olivia Colman's best performance in years and beautiful cinematography saves Sam Mendes' rambling script from totally shutting off the lights. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 12, 2022
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Tár (2022) |
A stunning Cate Blanchett reaches new heights in this character study of worldwide success in the cancel-culture era. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 12, 2022
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Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths (2022) |
Iñárritu's sprawling biopic is brilliant filmmaking, taking on Mexican history from a fresh angle, except in those unnecessarily convoluted moments. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 12, 2022
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Women Talking (2022) |
Sarah Polley's beautifully rendered film effectively tackles challenging subject matter and somehow leaves the audience longing for more talking. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 12, 2022
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Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) |
As popcorn entertainment, Glass Onion is effective and breathes additional life into the nascent Knives Out franchise, but as a murder mystery, the film is largely a vegetable. - Below the Line
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| Posted Sep 12, 2022
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Elvis (2022) |
This biopic is all show and very little tell--a lifeless story that cannot be rescued by the impressive visuals and the strong performances - Below the Line
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| Posted Aug 04, 2022
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Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) |
The film is styled as a critique of Gen Z but it is actually the opposite. Despite that betrayal, its plot keeps you guessing and the acting is solid, helping it overcome some of its messaging contradictions - Splash Report
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| Posted Aug 04, 2022
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Bullet Train (2022) |
The movie tries too hard to be Tarantino, Scorsese, and many others in between, with a convoluted, over-stuffed plot that erases what director David Leitch does best - kinetic movement violence sequences - Below the Line
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| Posted Aug 04, 2022
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Nope (2022) |
The film bedazzles with effects, loud sounds, and colorful graphics, but none of the myriad of motifs and themes it explores are fully realized or even coherent, and the plot ultimately betrays the film's title itself. - Below the Line
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| Posted Jul 20, 2022
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Jurassic World Dominion (2022) |
The film's promise -- of a world invaded by dinosaurs -- is betrayed by a middling, James Bond-like film that happens to have dinosaurs in it, not used in any interesting or novel way. - Below the Line
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| Posted Jun 08, 2022
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Top Gun: Maverick (2022) |
What's not to love about a one of the greatest movie stars of all time refusing to be grounded and, instead, fully embracing the effects-driven era as his own? (Maybe the rotten script, but still) - Below the Line
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| Posted May 12, 2022
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Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022) |
The pleasant Crowley family returns for a film that is as staid as the program typically is, but that provides an amusing introspective into the consequences of unforeseen and even undesired changes - Below the Line
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| Posted May 04, 2022
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The Northman (2022) |
Predictable at every turn, but the operatic style of the effects leave you entranced - even chilled - for the entire film - Below the Line
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| Posted May 04, 2022
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Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) |
J.K. Rowling is a great novelist but her straight-to-the-screen stories mostly lack the sense of wonderment and mystery that her novels did, and this film is barely tolerable on the strength of its below the line values - Below the Line
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| Posted May 04, 2022
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) |
Sam Raimi's technically dazzling, horror MCU film (with great help from Danny Elfman's brilliant score), impressively overcomes the low-level stakes that typically plague these scripts. Elizabeth Olsen is magnificent. - Below the Line
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| Posted May 04, 2022
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Morbius (2022) |
It's as disorienting as a Moebius strip--the effects erase the characters and nearly the entire picture, the script does not care to explain characters or plots, and all we are left with is yet another Spider-Man villain who in reality is a nice guy - Below the Line
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| Posted Mar 31, 2022
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Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) |
Michelle Yeoh and Jamie Lee Curtis are splendid in this rare, one-of-a-kind movie that asks what the meaning of life is and then successfully answers. A brilliantly inventive breath of fresh air amidst Hollywood staleness. - Below the Line
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| Posted Mar 26, 2022
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The Lost City (2022) |
Lead duo chemistry? Yes. Entertaining? Yes.
But persistently funny? No. That is a mortal sin for movies that ask you not to take them seriously. - Below the Line
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| Posted Mar 25, 2022
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The Outfit (2022) |
Mark Rylance is again superb in this taut crime thriller with a somewhat superficial story. - Below the Line
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| Posted Mar 20, 2022
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