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Stefan Birgir Stefans
Tomatometer-approved critic
An obsessive movie buff from Iceland that has seen pretty much every film available but loves horror films more than anything else.
Top 5 Movies: Nightmare on Elm Street, The Thing, The Shining, The Silence of the Lambs, Jurassic Park; Top 5 TV Shows: The Simpsons, M*A*S*H, X-Files, King of the Hill, Seinfeld
Iceland
http://www.sbs.is
Movies reviews only
| Rating | T-Meter | Title | Year | Review |
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Freddy's Fridays (2023) |
The only good thing about it is the fact it’s only 75 minutes long. To make up for the laughable running time, it has the slowest scroll of end credits that I’ve ever seen. Especially since there were like 20 people involved in making it. - sbs.is
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| Posted Nov 11, 2023
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Bacterium (2006) |
Low budget shot-on-video flick that delivers science nonsense and some okay grotesque practical effects mixed with Windows Movie Maker editing. - sbs.is
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| Posted Oct 28, 2023
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Frankenstein Unbound (1990) |
It’s a very interesting blend of being the most faithful adaptation of Frankenstein, and the most batshit insane one. - sbs.is
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| Posted Oct 14, 2023
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A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990) |
I despise when rape is used in films like these to add some kind of danger or character development, and since our protagonist is a beautiful woman, the dinosaur scenes are just filler between those rape or attempted-rape scenes. - sbs.is
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| Posted Oct 07, 2023
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The Nun (2005) |
The Nun creature is actually quite scary. Perhaps Hollywood could take her white face, with black lips, black eyeshadow all around the yellow eyes and Conjure something up. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 30, 2023
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No Filter (2023) |
I can’t really explain the film’s plot because I’ve no idea what was going on and I’m not sure there is a plot here other than the basic premise that social media destroys your soul, or something. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 29, 2023
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Slotherhouse (2023) |
The problems movies like this have is that they are really just one joke and it’s hard to make one joke sustain 90 minutes of film. Slotherhouse manages to do it, mostly. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 24, 2023
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Mad at the Moon (1992) |
What I hate more is that the talented Masterson ended up starring in a melodrama that makes Sidney Sheldon’s stuff look like high art. Most episodes of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman were more cinematic than this. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 24, 2023
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Hatched (2021) |
I can’t fault the actors. They could be replaced by cardboard cutouts, and the carboard cutouts would probably look better than the CGI models the producers bought on sale on a shady website. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 24, 2023
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Planet Raptor (2007) |
The raptors are a fascinating mixture of some of the wonkiest CGI you’ll ever see and practical puppets that look like they are straight from a 70s Toho production or the 90s Carnosaur films. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 23, 2023
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Raptor Island (2004) |
The Seal team finds a crashed plane that has nuclear waste on it. The nuclear waste caused the local animals to mutate into dinosaurs. I don’t expect my SyFy films to be realistic, but some things are just too stupid to be enjoyable. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 22, 2023
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Octopus 2: River of Fear (2002) |
Burke is a detective who realizes that the killer running amok is a giant octopus, nobody believes him, of course, except his partner. It’s not like New York is a city that never sleeps and people would notice a giant octopus grabbing people. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 22, 2023
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Octopus (2000) |
Since the octopus is only in a handful of scenes, the mediocre actors have to carry the film while delivering inane lines from a forgettable script—the below par CGI isn’t helping them—which makes Octopus a forgettable yarn. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 18, 2023
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Holes in the Sky: The Sean Miller Story (2021) |
If you want to make a mockumentary, don’t just try to make something that could be put on the History Channel and nobody would bat an eye. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 17, 2023
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Legend of the Dinosaurs (1977) |
It’s a fun flick with decent creature effects for the time, even though it features neither dinosaurs nor monster birds. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 16, 2023
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The Eden Formula (2006) |
Tony Todd is almost always the best thing in the movies that feature him, and this is no exception. He knows exactly what pile of dino feces he is in and plays the part accordingly. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 15, 2023
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Raptor (2001) |
Roger Corman’s magic (and yes, he produced this) is how he can do something with nothing. He knows how to make entertainment, even though it’s schlock entertainment. He creates entertaining bad films and that shines in the Carnosaur films. T - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 15, 2023
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Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (1996) |
The fact that it’s boring is the death knell for the film. The dinosaurs are still just guys in cheap rubber suits, but since nothing around that is entertaining it ain’t funny, it’s just sad. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 14, 2023
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Carnosaur 2 (1994) |
It is such a rip-off that and so badly made, but with such drama it truly becomes a “so-bad-it’s-good” film. It’s highly entertaining in its unoriginality and would be a fantastic drinking game. Take a shot whenever you remember the scene from Aliens. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 14, 2023
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Carnosaur (1993) |
It’s all insanely stupid. Like, this might be the stupidest plot any film has ever had. Like, the book. It is enjoyable simply because it is so incredibly schlocky while still having good actors being all serious in the inanity. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 14, 2023
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Amityville in Space (2022) |
These films aren’t made for the love of films. They are rushed crap, produced just in hope that someone mistakes them for real films on streaming services that have no standards in what they offer. They aren’t “so bad they are good,” they are just bad. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 12, 2023
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Subspecies V: Blood Rise (2023) |
Ted Nicolaou manages to recreate that special feel and atmosphere of his first three Subspecies movies, something that the previous two films lacked. I'm sure Band gave him total freedom here, and he did what he did best: make a kick ass vampire film. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 09, 2023
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Subspecies IV: Bloodstorm (1998) |
The story just doesn't get engaging enough for the viewer to care about this fourth time Radu tries to lord over Michelle. Get over her, dude. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 09, 2023
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Vampire Journals (1997) |
It's more of a remake of the original Subspecies inspired by Interview with the Vampire, with weaker characters, and even though it is filmed on film, it has more of a made-for-TV feel to it. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 09, 2023
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Bloodlust: Subspecies III (1994) |
I can’t quite describe what makes these Subspecies films work. They are, in a way, comforting, cozy. They aren’t slow but they aren’t quick paced either. The characters are all likeable, the effects are good, the monsters are scary. It just works. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 09, 2023
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Bloodstone: Subspecies II (1993) |
While not as good as Subspecies, Bloodstone: Subspecies II manages to keep the same great vibe and feel of the first film. It looks good, well shot and color graded with some beautiful scenes. The acting is solid, the effects cool, and the story works. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 08, 2023
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Subspecies (1991) |
The film has some great effects (mixed with some bad green screening), it looks great, is highly enjoyable and should be classified with other alternative vampire flicks, like The Lost Boys (1987) and Near Dark (1987). - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 08, 2023
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Dead Girls (1990) |
The actors are also surprisingly good in their roles and it’s surprising that most of them didn’t do much before or after Dead Girls. I could have done with more gore, but all in all, Dead Girls is a good slasher flick with a crazy ending. - sbs.is
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| Posted Sep 05, 2023
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Maggots (2019) |
Speaking of Troma, the film doesn’t know what it wants to be. Sometimes it’s like a standard creature feature made-for-TV film, sometimes it’s a Troma film, sometimes the director thinks he is Sam Raimi. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 31, 2023
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The Boogeyman (2023) |
Movies usually don’t depict gruesome murders of children so I didn’t think The Boogeyman would be a faithful adaptation of the Night Shift’s Stephen King short story. Color me surprised when I realized it was. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 29, 2023
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Flying Virus (2001) |
It’s like Outbreak meets Turbulence but made-for-TV and nobody really wants to be there. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 28, 2023
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Threshold (2003) |
Threshold is inane and every step, every plot point made me wonder if the writer was homeschooled by alien moths. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 28, 2023
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The Gamma People (1956) |
The film is mostly men talking and gets a bit boring, but it’s sufficiently interesting to be worthy of a watch. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 26, 2023
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The Hollow (2015) |
The creature is actually pretty cool. It's like a humanoid entangled vines with lava inside of it. It works, the other stuff doesn't. The acting and production are okay for the most part, it just never really becomes interesting. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 26, 2023
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Sand Serpents (2009) |
You ever wished that one of the Tremors sequels incorporated the Taliban instead of humour? Well, if so then Sand Serpents is the flick for you. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 25, 2023
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Malibu Shark Attack (2009) |
The sharks turn out to be much smaller than the opening scene suggested to allow the third act, which takes place indoors, to happen. It's lackluster, but not as lackluster as the acting which is borderline abysmal. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 25, 2023
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Roadkill (2011) |
A bunch of young adults go on a road trip in the Irish countryside and accidently kill an old gypsy fortune teller with eye cancer. The fortune teller puts a curse on them that the roc will get them and soon enough, they smell what the roc is cooking. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 25, 2023
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Carny (2009) |
Carny starts with a man being killed by another man striking him on the back. That’s not how the body works so it’s a good start for a movie about carnies, a carnival, the Jersey Devil and a sheriff played by Lou Diamond Philips. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 24, 2023
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Hellhounds (2009) |
Everything looks bad. It's a low budget TV movie set in ancient Greece and Hades. Of course it looks bad. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 24, 2023
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BloodMonkey (2007) |
Instead of the monster, we have college students that have arrived in Thailand to help the mad professor in his mission. 95% of the film is them being boring in the jungle. They are all useless like this film. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 23, 2023
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Swamp Devil (2008) |
The few scenes with the creature and Dern would make the movie worth watching but everything in between is just so boring. Would have worked much better as an episode of Tales from the Crypt. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 21, 2023
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Rise of the Gargoyles (2009) |
Like tradition dicates, the acting is subpar. The CGI, however, is surprisingly good. The gargoyles look, I dare say, rather real, which is not something you expect from a SyFy film. I wouldn't watch it again, though. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 21, 2023
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Shark Swarm (2008) |
Shark Swarm is competently made, has fine actors, some interesting scenes and shark attacks, but it dredges on for way too long. It might have been a solid 80-minute flick but at almost 3 hours, it lays dead in the water. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 18, 2023
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Behemoth (2011) |
A painstakingly boring and uninteresting flick. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 18, 2023
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High Plains Invaders (2009) |
But it’s an entertaining silly movie. That’s what matters. Also, James Marsters (Spike from Buffy) is in it and is a good balance to the overacting most of the other actors depict. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 18, 2023
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Black Swarm (2007) |
Black Swarm is mildly entertaining but only because of Robert Englund. His brilliance shines a light on how lackluster the other actors are. The wasps are terrible CGI but the film is competently made and far from the worst of the Maneater series. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 16, 2023
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Something Beneath (2007) |
The premise is interesting, although the reveal of the black goo origins is as lame as anything that “faith” can defeat. The acting is bad, even for a TV film and the movie is mostly boring. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 16, 2023
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Scarecrow (2013) |
The acting is mostly mediocre, although Lacey Chabert could have become a Scream Queen if she hadn’t devoted her life to wedding themed Hallmark films. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 16, 2023
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Hybrid (2007) |
A line of dialogue sums pretty much up on what level this film is. An army man who his hunting Aaron gets frustrated and exclaims: “Damn you, damn you to hell!” Now that’s good post-Planet of the Apes writing. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 15, 2023
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In the Spider's Web (2007) |
We got real spiders, plastic spiders, gif spiders, poorly rendered CGI spiders and spiders that are just still images moved across the screen. In one scene the species of the spiders' changes at least 4 times depending on the angle. - sbs.is
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| Posted Aug 15, 2023
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