Alicia Witt

Ms. Burns

Who was it who said 'Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade?

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Ms. Burns

Is it that obvious I'm sleepin' with him?

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Brenda	Now...didn't you tell me...that you were having a little difficulty...forgiving yourself? I thought...as a friend...I could help you out in that department. Payback's a bitch! Isn't it?
Brenda	Now, didn't you tell me that you were having a little difficulty forgiving yourself? I thought, as a friend, I could help you out in that department. Payback's a bitch! Isn't it?
Natalie	Brenda, please, you need to get help.
Brenda	I have already tried therapy! Obviously, it did me no good. And I must say...I am kind of enjoying all this...playing with your pretty little head. You used an urban legend to kill my boyfriend. And now-
Brenda	I have already tried therapy! Obviously, it did me no good. And I must say, I am kind of enjoying all this...playing with your pretty little head. You used an urban legend to kill my boyfriend. And now-
Natalie	What are you gonna do?
Brenda	Oh, just my favorite U.L. - The Kidney Heist. You do know this one, don't you? Guy gets picked up by a woman at a bar. She takes him back to her hotel room...Fixes him a drink. Boom; knocked out. When he wakes up, he's in a bathtub full of ice...and he realizes that one of his kidneys has been removed. Supposedly they sell them on the black market. I don't think it's ever actually happened though...Till tonight.
Brenda	Oh, just my favorite U.L. The Kidney Heist. You do know this one, don't you? Guy gets picked up by a woman at a bar. She takes him back to her hotel room. Fixes him a drink. Boom; knocked out. When he wakes up, he's in a bathtub full of ice, and he realizes that one of his kidneys has been removed. Supposedly they sell them on the black market. I don't think it's ever actually happened though. Till tonight.

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Brenda	I must say, Natalie...you have proved your friendship to me...coming all the way out here to rescue me...without even a little pepper spray to defend yourself...Very endearing. Excuse me? I'm sorry, but I can't understand a thing you're saying, doll. Now, if I remove the gag...you have got to promise me...that you won't scream. Lord knows I had enough of that with Sasha.
Brenda	I must say, Natalie you have proved your friendship to me, coming all the way out here to rescue me, without even a little pepper spray to defend yourself. Very endearing. Excuse me? I'm sorry, but I can't understand a thing you're saying, doll. Now, if I remove the gag you have got to promise me that you won't scream. Lord knows I had enough of that with Sasha.
Natalie	(Brenda removes the gag from Natalie's mouth) - You're fu**ing crazy!
Natalie	(Brenda removes the gag from Natalie's mouth) You're fu**ing crazy!
Brenda	I prefer the term "eccentric"...but...yeah...I guess you could say I'm a little nutty.
Brenda	I prefer the term 'eccentric', but...yeah...I guess you could say I'm a little nutty.

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Natalie

(talking to Brenda about a horrible incident from her past) - We were in my car one night. Michelle was driving. The story about the gang high beam initiation had been going around. Michelle wanted to play a practical joke...so she turned the headlights off...and waited for the first car to pass by and flash us. When someone finally did...she made a U-turn and...Started chasing him...flashing her high beams, laughing. I was laughing, too, at first...then we started going really fast. I wanted to tell her to stop...but I just sat there. And then the other car lost control and ran off the road. He was our age. By the time the ambulance came, he was already dead. The courts were lenient with us. We just got probation. I was never able to forgive her for what she did. I guess I couldn't forgive myself for not doing something more to stop it.

Natalie

(talking to Brenda about a horrible incident from her past) We were in my car one night. Michelle was driving. The story about the gang high beam initiation had been going around. Michelle wanted to play a practical joke, so she turned the headlights off and waited for the first car to pass by and flash us. When someone finally did she made a U-turn and. Started chasing him, flashing her high beams, laughing. I was laughing, too, at first then we started going really fast. I wanted to tell her to stop, but I just sat there. And then the other car lost control and ran off the road. He was our age. By the time the ambulance came, he was already dead. The courts were lenient with us. We just got probation. I was never able to forgive her for what she did. I guess I couldn't forgive myself for not doing something more to stop it.

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Paul	What was all that about..."Reckless endangerment"? We're not exactly talking about running a stop sign here, are we now?
Paul	What was all that about, 'reckless endangerment'? We're not exactly talking about running a stop sign here, are we now?
Natalie	I really don't wanna talk about it.
Paul	Oh, okay, what do you want to talk about? My career options without a body of writing samples...Because for your information, they're kind of limited.
Paul	Oh, okay, what do you want to talk about? My career options without a body of writing samples, Because for your information, they're kind of limited.
Natalie	It was in high school. It's over.
Paul	Look. Does this have something to do with Michelle Mancini? Hey, I just wanna know what's going on here...'cause I don't know if I buy it anymore. I don't know if I ever bought it.
Paul	Look. Does this have something to do with Michelle Mancini? Hey, I just wanna know what's going on here 'cause I don't know if I buy it anymore. I don't know if I ever bought it.

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Dean Adams	You two break in to a professor's office...and then have the audacity to accuse him of murder?
Dean Adams	You two break in to a professor's office, and then have the audacity to accuse him of murder?
Natalie	We found the axe.
Professor Wexler	That is a prop I use in my folklore class. How can you even suggest that I had anything to do with that girl's death?

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Natalie	Tonight's the 25th anniversary.
Paul	What's that got to do with anything?
Natalie	The Stanley Hall Massacre.
Paul	I told you, that story is not true.
Natalie	Are you sure?

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Natalie	(talking about Tosh's death the night before) - There was someone else in that room. "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights," for Christ's sake?
Natalie	(talking about Tosh's death the night before) There was someone else in that room. 'Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights,' for Christ's sake?
Dean Adams	(in denial) - A very morbid suicide note.
Dean Adams	(in denial) A very morbid suicide note.

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Dean Adams	Did you know Tosh was manic-depressive?
Natalie	She painted half the room black. I had a pretty good idea.

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Sasha	(while Natalie and Sasha are looking through a book about urban myths) - Wait a second. This is definitely not a myth!
Sasha	(while Natalie and Sasha are looking through a book about urban myths) Wait a second. This is definitely not a myth!
Natalie	What?
Sasha	The "Gang High Beam Initiation." It happens all the time. Gang members drive around at night with their headlights off. And when someone goes to flash their high beams to warn them, they kill them. That's why I never warn anybody about anything when I drive.
Sasha	The 'Gang High Beam Initiation.' It happens all the time. Gang members drive around at night with their headlights off. And when someone goes to flash their high beams to warn them, they kill them. That's why I never warn anybody about anything when I drive.

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Natalie	(crying) - It's like someone out there is taking all these stories...and making them reality?
Natalie	(crying) It's like someone out there is taking all these stories, and making them reality?
Parker	Then my big question is, what is he gonna do next? Maybe put spider eggs in bubble gum or ram a gerbil up a celebrity's ass.

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Parker	(about Damon's ordeal and disappearance) - It was a mannequin. Damon uses it all the time to scare pledges during hazing. He also has this life-size blow-up doll. But you don't wanna know about that.
Parker	(about Damon's ordeal and disappearance) It was a mannequin. Damon uses it all the time to scare pledges during hazing. He also has this life-size blow-up doll. But you don't wanna know about that.
Natalie	It wasn't a mannequin...Damon was dead.
Natalie	It wasn't a mannequin. Damon was dead.
Parker	Come on. Damon is the best practical joker on this campus, all right? He once convinced a freshman he was the middle Hanson brother to get laid.

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Damon	(after Natalie shares a story with Damon about the loss of her friend) - You're lonely. You're repressed. You're aching to break loose. Those are the type of problems that only a man can fix.
Damon	(after Natalie shares a story with Damon about the loss of her friend) You're lonely. You're repressed. You're aching to break loose. Those are the type of problems that only a man can fix.
Natalie	(sees that Damon is faking his feelings; and just wants to get laid) - And I suppose you're that man?
Natalie	(sees that Damon is faking his feelings; and just wants to get laid) And I suppose you're that man?
Damon	Well, you know?
Natalie	Nice try. That was a fairly good impersonation of a human being.
Damon	I understand you're afraid. But you don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to be afraid to love. (He leans in for a kiss)
Natalie	(she punches Damon in the face) - Start the car right now!
Natalie	(she punches Damon in the face) Start the car right now!
Damon	Okay, that hurt. I'm just trying to help you out here. You don't have to act like such a bitch.
Natalie	It's not an act. Believe me.
Damon	You sure you don't wanna think this over...'Cause I'm all about healing.
Damon	You sure you don't wanna think this over 'Cause I'm all about healing.
Natalie	One black eye or two? You decide.
Damon	All right, fine. I'm gonna take a piss. I'll be right back.
Natalie	Pig.

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Damon	Parker said he's gonna pierce Hootie's nose.
Natalie	Hootie's a dog.
Damon	Yeah, there's no reason he can't be hip.

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Brenda	(about the girl who was murdered) - Hey did anyone here know her? She roomed in Daley.
Brenda	(about the girl who was murdered) Hey did anyone here know her? She roomed in Daley.
Parker	No.
Sasha	No.
Brenda	(Brenda sees Natalie daydreaming) - Hello? (Snaps her fingers) ...Space cadet?
Brenda	(Brenda sees Natalie daydreaming) Hello? (Snaps her fingers) Space cadet?
Natalie	Oh, no, I didn't know her.
Damon	Actually, you know, I did know her.
Sasha	You did?
Damon	(looks saddened) - Yeah...I'll miss her, too, 'cause...that girl gave great head. (Starts laughing) You get it? She gave great head. (Laughs) Come on...That was good.
Damon	(looks saddened) Yeah, I'll miss her, too, 'cause that girl gave great head. (Starts laughing) You get it? She gave great head. (Laughs) Come on, that was good.

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Paul	(a police woman and the dean are taking away all the newspapers from the stand) - What do you think you're doing? You can't just come and take every copy here.
Paul	(a police woman and the dean are taking away all the newspapers from the stand) What do you think you're doing? You can't just come and take every copy here.
Dean Adams	You're the one that wrote this inflammatory piece of rubbish.
Paul	Well actually, the fatuous quotes about being deeply shocked and heartsick...are yours, Dean Adams?
Paul	Well actually, the fatuous quotes about being deeply shocked and heartsick. Are yours, Dean Adams?
Dean Adams	Let me tell you something, young man. The only lunatic on this campus is you.
Paul	I'm flattered. Can I quote you on that?
Reese	I have a quote for you. "U.S. News and World Report"...named Pendleton the safest university in this country. And you best believe, I intend to keep it that way.
Reese	I have a quote for you. 'U.S. News and World Report', named Pendleton the safest university in this country. And you best believe, I intend to keep it that way.
Paul	Thank you, Reese. I'll make sure...and stick that in the special school safety edition. (Paul walks over to Natalie and Brenda) ...Hold on a second. How about some interviews, you know? Students react to the tragedy on campus.
Paul	Thank you, Reese. I'll make sure, and stick that in the special school safety edition. (Paul walks over to Natalie and Brenda) Hold on a second. How about some interviews, you know? Students react to the tragedy on campus.
Brenda	(smiles) - Okay, I am saddened and moved by--
Brenda	(smiles) Okay, I am saddened and moved by-
Natalie	(cuts Brenda off) - This was someone's life. Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?
Natalie	(cuts Brenda off) This was someone's life. Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?
Paul	No, I didn't...But because of my story, 3,500 students will...I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.
Paul	No, I didn't. But because of my story, 3,500 students will. I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.

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Tosh	(Natalie walks in on Tosh while she's having sex) - Shut off the fu**ing light.
Tosh	(Natalie walks in on Tosh while she's having sex) Shut off the fu**ing light.
Natalie	(embarrassed) - Sorry.
Natalie	(embarrassed) Sorry.

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Natalie	(after Damon pops up and scares Natalie and Brenda) - She was trying to summon the dead, Damon...not frat boys with badly grown facial hair.
Natalie	(after Damon pops up and scares Natalie and Brenda) She was trying to summon the dead, Damon, not frat boys with badly grown facial hair.
Damon	It took me a month to grow this.
Brenda	So is this what you do for your free time, Damon? Hang out in the dark by yourself, waiting to scare people like a freak?
Damon	Only when I see two losers stand in front of this relic...trying to summon the dead.
Damon	Only when I see two losers stand in front of this relic, trying to summon the dead.

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Brenda	Now what exactly happens when I say "Bloody Mary" five times?
Brenda	Now what exactly happens when I say 'Bloody Mary' five times?
Natalie	The person standing next to you wonders how you got into college.