Dustin Hoffman

Dustin Hoffman

Highest Rated: 100% Death of a Salesman (1985)

Lowest Rated: 9% The Cobbler (2015)

Birthday: Aug 8, 1937

Birthplace: Los Angeles, California, USA

The emergence of Dustin Hoffman in 1967 heralded the arrival of a new era of Hollywood stardom. Diminutive, wiry and unassuming, he was anything but the usual matinee idol, yet he quickly distinguished himself among the most popular and celebrated screen performers of his generation. A notoriously difficult talent famous for his battles with directors as well as his total immersion in his performances, Hoffman further battled against stereotypes by accepting roles which cast him firmly as an antihero, often portraying troubled, even tragic figures rarely destined for a happy ending. By extension, he broke new ground for all actors -- not only were stars no longer limited to heroic, larger-than-life characterizations, but in his wake virtually anyone, regardless of their seeming physical limitations, could attain success on the big screen. Born August 8, 1937 in Los Angeles, Hoffman originally studied to become a doctor, but later focused his attentions on acting, performing regularly at the Pasadena Playhouse alongside fellow aspirant Gene Hackman. Upon relocating to New York City, he worked a series of odd jobs, landing the occasional small television role and later touring in summer stock. Frustrated by his lack of greater success, Hoffman once even left acting to teach, but in 1960 he won a role in the off-Broadway production Yes Is for a Very Young Man. After 1961's A Cook for Mr. General, however, he continued to struggle, and did not reappear onstage for several years, in the meantime studying with Lee Strasberg at the Actors' Studio and becoming a dedicated Method actor. Finally, in 1964 Hoffman appeared in a string of theatrical projects including productions of Waiting for Godot and The Dumbwaiter. Two years later he won a Best Actor Obie for his work in The Journey of the Fifth Horse. In 1967 Hoffman made his film debut with a tiny role in the feature The Tiger Makes Out, a similarly brief appearance in Un Dollaro per Sette Vigliachi followed later that same year, as did a highly-acclaimed turn in the theatrical farce Eh? It was here that he was first spotted by director Mike Nichols, who cast him in the lead role in his 1967 black comedy The Graduate. Though 30 at the time of filming, Hoffman was perfectly cast as an alienated college student, and his work won him not only an Oscar nomination but also made him a hugely popular performer with the youth market. His status as a burgeoning counterculture hero was solidified thanks to his work in John Schlesinger's 1969 Academy Award winner Midnight Cowboy, which earned Hoffman a second Oscar bid. While the follow-up, the romance John and Mary, was a disappointment, in 1970 he starred in Arthur Penn's Little Big Man, delivering a superb portrayal of an Indian fighter -- a role which required him to age 100 years. Directed by his longtime friend Ulu Grosbard, 1971's Who Is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me? was Hoffman's first outright failure. He next starred in Sam Peckinpah's harrowing Straw Dogs, a film which earned harsh criticism during its original release but which, like much of Peckinpah's work, was later the subject of much favorable reassessment. In 1973 Hoffman co-starred with Steve McQueen in the prison drama Papillon, which returned him to the ranks of box-office success before he starred as the legendary stand-up comedian Lenny Bruce in Bob Fosse's 1974 biography Lenny, a stunning portrayal which earned him a third Academy Award nomination. Another real-life figure followed as Hoffman portrayed Carl Bernstein opposite Robert Redford's Bob Woodward in All the President's Men, Alan J. Pakula's riveting docudrama on the Watergate break-in. Next, Hoffman reteamed with director Schlesinger for 1976's Marathon Man, which cast him alongside Laurence Olivier and scored another major hit. The1978 Straight Time, a pet project helmed by Grosbard, was critically acclaimed but a financial disappointment, and 1979's Agatha pleased neithe

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
93% The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) Actor 2017
62% The Program Actor 2016
87% Kung Fu Panda 3 Shifu $128.4M 2016
45% Boychoir Master Carvelle $0.2M 2015
9% The Cobbler Abraham Simkin 2015
No Score Yet Roald Dahl's Esio Trot Actor 2015
87% Chef Riva $23.7M 2014
80% Quartet Executive Producer Director $18.1M 2013
97% Paul Williams Still Alive Actor $38.1K 2012
No Score Yet Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Masters Shifu 2011
81% Kung Fu Panda 2 Master Shifu $165.3M 2011
79% Barney's Version Izzy Panofsky $7.6M 2011
9% Little Fockers Bernie Focker $148.4M 2010
No Score Yet Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special Actor 2010
67% Jews And Baseball: An American Love Story Narrator 2010
86% Who is Harry Nilsson (And Why is Everybody Talkin' About Him)? Actor $30.3K 2010
94% Visual Acoustics: The Modernism of Julius Shulman Narrator 2009
71% Last Chance Harvey Harvey Shine $14.9M 2009
No Score Yet Against the Tide Narrator 2009
57% The Tale of Despereaux Roscuro $50.9M 2008
No Score Yet Kung Fu Panda: Secrets Of The Scroll Shifu / Warrior 2008
No Score Yet Kung Fu Panda: Secrets of the Furious Five Shifu 2008
87% Kung Fu Panda Shifu $215.4M 2008
38% Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium Mr. Magorium $32.2M 2007
83% Trumbo Actor $28.6K 2007
59% Perfume: The Story of a Murderer Guiseppe Baldini $2.2M 2006
73% Stranger Than Fiction Professor Jules Hilbert $40.2M 2006
25% The Lost City Meyer Lansky $2.5M 2005
35% Racing Stripes Tucker $49.2M 2005
39% Meet the Fockers Bernie Focker $279.2M 2004
83% Finding Neverland Charles Frohman 2004
63% I Heart Huckabees Bernard Jaffe $12.8M 2004
No Score Yet Tales Of Wonder: Music And Animation Actor 2004
73% Runaway Jury Wendall Rohr $49.3M 2003
69% Confidence King $12.2M 2003
No Score Yet Festival Pass with Chris Gore Actor 2002
63% Moonlight Mile Ben Floss 2002
91% The Kid Stays in the Picture Actor $1.4M 2002
No Score Yet Goldwyn: The Man and His Movies Actor 2001
No Score Yet Goldwyn: The Man and His Movies Narrator 2001
No Score Yet The Directors Interviewee 2000
No Score Yet Hollywood Screen Tests Actor 2000
30% The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc The Conscience 1999
No Score Yet The Devil's Arithmetic Executive Producer 1999
72% A Walk on the Moon Producer 1999
12% Sphere Dr. Norman Goodman 1998
85% Wag the Dog Stanley Motss 1997
36% Mad City Max Brackett 1997
73% Sleepers Danny Snyder 1996
74% American Buffalo Teach 1996
59% Outbreak Sam Daniels 1995
65% Hero Bernie Laplante 1992
26% Hook Capt. James Hook 1991
38% Billy Bathgate Dutch Schultz 1991
No Score Yet Remember Pearl Harbor Actor 1991
No Score Yet Wish for Wings That Work Actor 1991
No Score Yet Opus & Bill - A Wish For Wings That Work Actor 1991
No Score Yet Common Threads: Stories from the Quilt Actor 1990
63% Dick Tracy Mumbles 1990
38% Family Business Vito 1989
90% Rain Man Raymond Babbitt 1988
38% Ishtar Chuck Clarke 1987
No Score Yet Private Conversations: On the Set of 'Death of a Salesman' Actor 1985
100% Death of a Salesman Willy Loman 1985
57% Terror in the Aisles Actor 1984
90% Tootsie Michael/Dorothy 1982
No Score Yet The AFI Lifetime Achievement Awards: Jimmy Stewart Actor 1980
88% Kramer vs. Kramer Ted Kramer 1979
71% Agatha Wally Stanton 1979
75% Straight Time Producer Max Dembo 1978
80% Marathon Man Babe Levy 1976
93% All the President's Men Carl Bernstein 1976
91% Lenny Lenny Bruce 1974
81% Papillon Dega 1973
No Score Yet Alfredo, Alfredo Alfredo Sbisà Alfredo 1972
83% Straw Dogs David 1971
No Score Yet Who Is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me? Georgie Soloway 1971
No Score Yet The Point Narrator 1971
96% Little Big Man Jack Crabb 1970
50% John and Mary John 1969
90% Midnight Cowboy Enrico `Ratso' Rizzo 1969
No Score Yet Madigan's Millions Jason Fister 1968
86% The Graduate Benjamin Braddock 1967
No Score Yet The Tiger Makes Out Hap 1967
No Score Yet The Star Wagon Actor 1967
No Score Yet The Journey of the Fifth Horse Dmitri Zoditch 1966

TV

Credit
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest 2019
2012
2011
2007
No Score Yet Charlie Rose
2013-2017
Guest 2017
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden
2015-2019
Guest 2017
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest 2017
No Score Yet Finding Your Roots With Henry Louis Gates Jr.
2012
Appearing 2016
50% Medici
2016-2019
Giovanni de' Medici 2016
No Score Yet American Masters
2001
Appearing Narrator 2016
2001
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest 2013
2011
2006
2003
82% Luck
2011-2012
Chester "Ace" Bernstein Producer 2012
2011
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest 2009
2006
2005
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest 2006
No Score Yet 60 Minutes
1999
Appearing 2005
No Score Yet Liberty's Kids
2002-2003
Voice 2003
2002
85% The Simpsons
1989
Voice 1991

QUOTES FROM Dustin Hoffman CHARACTERS

Shifu says: If You only do what you can, You will never be more than you are now.

Shifu says: Time is just an illusion, there is only the now.

Ted Kramer says: I came home to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she tells me that she doesn't want to live with me anymore! Do you know what she's done?

Margaret Phelps says: Yes, she loused up one of the five best days of your life.

Chuck Clarke says: Gaddafi, is that near here?

Babe Levy says: Is it Szell's?

Mr. Maguire says: There is a great future in plastics. Think about it. Will you think about it?

Benjamin Braddock says: Yes, I will.

Mr. Maguire says: Okay. Enough said. That's a deal.

Mr. Braddock says: Have you thought about graduate school?

Benjamin Braddock says: No.

Mr. Braddock says: Would you mind telling me then what those four years of college were for? What was the point of all that hard work?

Benjamin Braddock says: You got me.

Benjamin Braddock says: It's like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don't make any sense to me. They're being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up.

Mr. Braddock says: What makes you think she wants to marry you?

Benjamin Braddock says: Oh, she doesn't. To be perfectly honest, she doesn't like me.

Elaine Robinson says: Good night.

Benjamin Braddock says: Are we getting married tomorrow?

Elaine Robinson says: No...

Benjamin Braddock says: Day after tomorrow?

Elaine Robinson says: I don't know. Maybe we are, and maybe we're not.

Benjamin Braddock says: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this anymore.

Mrs. Robinson says: You what?

Benjamin Braddock says: This is all terribly wrong.

Mrs. Robinson says: Do you find me undesirable?

Benjamin Braddock says: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

Benjamin Braddock says: Look, maybe we could do something else together. Mrs. Robinson, would you like to go to a movie?

Benjamin Braddock says: Listen to me. What happened between Mrs. Robinson and me was nothing. It didn't mean anything. We might just as well have been shaking hands.

Mr. Braddock says: Shaking hands? Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it?

Benjamin Braddock says: Mrs. Robinson, if you don't mind my saying so, this conversation is getting a little strange.

Mrs. Robinson says: Benjamin, I am not trying to seduce you.

Benjamin Braddock says: I know that, but please, Mrs. Robinson, this is difficult...

Mrs. Robinson says: Would you like me to seduce you?

Benjamin Braddock says: What?

Mrs. Robinson says: Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Benjamin Braddock says: I'm going home now. I apologize for what I said. I hope you can forget it, but I'm going home right now.

Benjamin Braddock says: Where did you do it?

Mrs. Robinson says: In his car.

Benjamin Braddock says: What kind of car was it?

Mrs. Robinson says: Oh, come on now.

Benjamin Braddock says: No, I really want to know.

Mrs. Robinson says: A Ford.

Benjamin Braddock says: Goddamn, that's great. So old Elaine Robinson got started in a Ford.

Benjamin Braddock says: I'm just...

Mr. Braddock says: Worried?

Benjamin Braddock says: Well...

Mr. Braddock says: About what?

Benjamin Braddock says: I guess about my future.

Mr. Braddock says: What about it?

Benjamin Braddock says: I don't know, I want it to be...Different.

Benjamin Braddock says: Well, I want you to know how much I appreciate this. Really.

Mrs. Robinson says: The number.

Benjamin Braddock says: What?

Mrs. Robinson says: The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that.

Benjamin Braddock says: Oh, you're absolutely right. It's 568.

Mrs. Robinson says: Thank you.

Benjamin Braddock says: You're welcome. Well, I'll see you later, Mrs. Robinson.

Harold Crick says: You just said ten seconds ago, you wouldn't help me.

Professor Jules Hilbert says: It's been a very revealing ten seconds.

Po says: But I just got kung fu

Master Shifu says: Now you have to protect it!

Joan's conscience says: I can't save this movie. I can only stink it up even more.

Max Brackett says: I fooled you into thinking I'm a great actor.

Max Brackett says: I am a profoundly boring actor.

Stanley Motss says: Good news he's alive! ( Heres gunshot ) Strike that!

Stanley Motss says: Good news he's alive! Strike that!

Mr. Braddock says: Ben, this whole idea sounds pretty half baked.

Benjamin Braddock says: No, it's not. It's completely baked.

Benjamin Braddock says: Listen to me. What happened between Mrs. Robinson and me was nothing. It didn't mean anything. We might just as well have been shaking hands.

Mr. Robinson says: Shaking hands? Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it?

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits, tips?

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits tips?

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: I'm walking here! I'm walking here!

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: The two natural items to sustain life are sunlight and coconut milk. Did you know that?

Billy Kramer says: I like Boston.

Ted Kramer says: Boston? Why do you like Boston?

Billy Kramer says: 'Cause Mommy's from Boston.

Ted Kramer says: Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight

Billy Kramer says: We need cereal

Billy Kramer says: We need cereal.

Ted Kramer says: Okay, what color?

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: You know, in my own place, my name ain't Ratso. I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo.

Joe Buck says: Well, I can't say all that

Joe Buck says: Well, I can't say all that.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Rico, then.

Po says: No, master! Don't die!

Master Shifu says: *closes eyes*

Po says: NO!

Master Shifu says: I'm not dying you idiot! I'm relaxing!

Jack Banning says: Dad, I want to go home.

Captain James Hook says: What are you talking about? You are home.

Joe Buck says: [wearing glasses] Guess who I am?

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Who?

Joe Buck says: [takes off glasses and laughs] It's me!

Party Guest says: [to Ratso] I'm just gonna lick the sweat off of you.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: JUST GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!

Party Guest says: WELL, YOU LOOK HOT!

Party Guest says: What's the matter? How did you get crippled?

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: I slipped on a banana peel. Come on, I gotta sit down; I feel crummy.

Party Guest says: What's the matter?

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Take your hands off of me!

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: [about his failing health] I'm fallin' apart here!

At the Party says: [after Joe and Rizzo show up] Well, if you need anything, there's beer and stuff behind you. Anything you want.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Oh, Jesus!

At the Party says: [random partygoer describing his hair] My hair - it's fur, you know? It's tendrils reaching out into space and times. I've watched it touch many stars.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: Wackos. They're all wackos.

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime. This is my last pair.

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: There are a million things one might do with a block of wood. But what do you think might happen if someone, just once, believed in it?

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: Turn the page, continue reading, and let the next story begin...

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius.

Molly Mahoney the Composer says: Are you dying?

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: Light bulbs die, my sweet. I will depart.

Molly Mahoney the Composer says: Thirty-seven seconds. Great, well done. Now we wait.

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: No, we breathe, we pulse, we regenerate. our hearts beat, our minds create, our souls ingest. Thirty-seven seconds well used is a lifetime.

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest 'He died.'

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written 'He dies.' That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is 'He dies.' It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest 'He died.'

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written 'He dies.' That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is 'He dies.' It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words 'He dies.' but because of the life we saw prior to the words. I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest 'He died.'

Mr. Edward Magorium Avid Shoe Wearer says: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Stanley Motss says: Money? You think I did this for money?? I want the credit.

Stanley Motss says: Money? You think I did this for money? I want the credit.

Charlie Babbitt says: Did you fart?

Raymond Babbitt says: Yes I did.

Charlie Babbitt says: How can you stand that?

Raymond Babbitt says: No I don't mind it.

Raymond Babbitt says: Kmart sucks

Raymond Babbitt says: Kmart sucks.

Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo says: I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man.

Master Shifu says: Tai Lung has escaped from Chorh-Gom Prison!

Oogway says: Oh, Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.

Master Shifu says: Tai Lung has escaped from Chor Gom prison!

Oogway says: That IS bad news!

Captain James Hook says: MY JACK!!!

Captain James Hook says: MY JACK!

Peter Banning/Peter Pan says: My jack...

Captain James Hook says: No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.

Smee says: Oh, not again.

Captain James Hook says: This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your ass. Get over here, Smee!

Mrs. Robinson says: '' Just because you happen to be inadequate. ''

Mrs. Robinson says: Just because you happen to be inadequate.

Benjamin Braddock says: '' Inadequate ! ''

Benjamin Braddock says: Inadequate!

Mrs. Robinson says: '' Well I guess I... ''

Mrs. Robinson says: Well I guess I...

Benjamin Braddock says: '' DON'T MOVE ! ''

Benjamin Braddock says: DON'T MOVE!

Professor Jules Hilbert says: Aren't you glad you're not a golem?

Harold Crick says: Yes. I am glad I'm not a golem.

Master Shifu says: I'm not dying, you idiot!

Master Shifu says: Yeah.

Benjamin Braddock says: Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?

Harold Crick says: Professor Hilbert, I'm an IRS agent. Everyone hates me.

Professor Jules Hilbert says: Right, good. Have you met anyone recently who might loathe the very core of you?

Professor Jules Hilbert says: Aren't you relieved to know you're not a Golem?

Harold Crick says: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a Golem.

Professor Jules Hilbert says: Good. [silence]

Professor Jules Hilbert says: [sighs] Do you have magical powers?

Professor Jules Hilbert says: You are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster...or a Golem.

Professor Jules Hilbert says: Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards.

Joan's conscience says: You saw what you wanted to see.

Joan's conscience says: In the end it is you who abandoned him.

Joan's conscience says: When battle starts the pleasure begins. When do that pleasure begins with that sword in your hand?

Po says: You wanna get something to eat?

Master Shifu says: [sighing] ... Yeah.

Raymond Babbitt says: C-H-A-R-L-I-E. My main man.

Raymond Babbitt says: We have pepperoni pizza for dinner Monday nights.

Susannah says: Pizza? You get pizza in an institution?

Raymond Babbitt says: Monday night is Italian night.

Raymond Babbitt says: K-mart sucks.

Susannah says: How was that?

Raymond Babbitt says: Wet.

Raymond Babbitt says: Lights out at eleven.

Charlie Babbitt says: Yeah well, new rules!

Dr. (uncredited) says: Are you autistic?

Raymond Babbitt says: I don't think so. No, definitely not.

Susannah says: You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody.

Charlie Babbitt says: Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?

Raymond Babbitt says: Yeah.

Charlie Babbitt says: Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago.

Jeff says: Mike, I really appreciate you're doing this, but it is just for the money. Isn't it? It's not just so you can wear these little outfits.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I'm not even gonna answer that.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I'm a potentially great actress.

April says: We're all so grateful to you.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: For?

April says: For your help and advice.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: Well, I really think of you, ahem, you all as my daughters and what kind of mother would I be, if I didn't give my girls tits. Tips. It's tips.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: Sandy, I want you.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: Oh my goodness!!

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: Oh my goodness!

April says: What's wrong?

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I have to kiss Dr Brewster.

April says: Oh yeah. He kisses all the women on the show. We call him 'the Tongue'.

George Fields says: Michael, will you wait outside, please? I am talking to the coast.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: This is a coast too, George. New York is a coast too.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: I am a little nervous.

Julie says: Just think of them something friendly.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: What?

Julie says: Like a firing squad.

Captain James Hook says: I beg your pardon? .... You must be joking. Haha! It would seem Peter Pan has a real problem with *heights*.

Captain James Hook says: I beg your pardon? You must be joking. Haha! It would seem Peter Pan has a real problem with *heights*.

Lenny Bruce says: l'm not anti-Christ or anti-religion, l just think it's encouraging that people are leaving the Church and going back to God.

Master Shifu says: Unless Shen is stopped, this could be the end of Kung Fu.

Po says: Oh, hohohohoho. Awesome! How did you... do that?!

Master Shifu says: Inner peace.

Po says: Inner peace? That's cool! Inner peace of what?

Po says: How can kung fu stop something that stops kung fu?

Master Shifu says: Remember, Dragon Warrior, anything is possible when you have inner peace.

Jack Crabb says: "Might I ask who I are addressin'?

Jack Crabb says: Might I ask who I are addressin'?

Bernard Jaffe says: No time for infinity, have to piece together a theory?

Bernard Jaffe says: No time for infinity? Gotta piece together a theory?

Master Shifu says: Unless he is stopped, this could be the end of Kung Fu.

Master Shifu says: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the pool of sacred tears.

Master Shifu says: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.

Mr. Maguire says: Ben.

Benjamin Braddock says: Will you excuse me? (turning around) Mr. Maguire.

Benjamin Braddock says: Will you excuse me? [turning around] Mr. Maguire.

Mr. Maguire says: (shaking his head and smiling) Ben.

Mr. Maguire says: [shaking his head and smiling] Ben.

Benjamin Braddock says: Mr. Maguire.

Harvey Shine says: Today is tomorrow

Harvey Shine says: Today is tomorrow.

Master Shifu says: [pleased] It seems you have found inner peace, [unhappily] and at such a young age.

David says: Jesus, I got 'em all.

David says: Jesus. I got 'em all!

Tai Lung says: So where is this Po? [Laughs] Did I scare him off?

Master Shifu says: This battle is between you and me.

Tai Lung says: So, that is how it's going to be...

Master Shifu says: That is how it must be.

George Fields says: You're insane Michael.

Michael Dorsey/Dorothy Michaels says: No I'm not. I'm employed