John Cleese

"I'll do you for that."

I'll do you for that.

"You'll what?"

You'll what?

Harold!

Shrek!

Fiona!

Fiona!

Mom!

Donkey!

Harold! You were meant to give her the potion!

Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!

Well, I think I gave her the wrong tea!

Well, I must have given her the wrong tea!

It's not the despair. I can stand the despair. It's the hope!

It don't who I am or when I am.

"Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."

Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.

I don't cry, I'm British.

currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.

Currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.

Say no more!

People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun/

People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun.

How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours

How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours .

It only took a few seconds Q

It only took a few seconds Q.

I wish I could make you vanish

I wish I could make you vanish.

Pardon me for asking 007 but a perfect marksman isn't suppose to shoot his own boss.

Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound

Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound.

(After noticing that he has no limbs left) All right, we'll call it a draw.

All right, we'll call it a draw.

Your Mother was a Hamster, and your Father smelt of Elderberries!

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

(First Head)I say let's kill him.

(Second Head) Let's have tea first.

(Third Head) Oh, stop your whining. First we kill him, then we have biscuts and tea.

(Second Head) No biscuts. Let's just kill him already.

(First Head) Alright, alright. First we kill him, then we have tea.

(All Three) Right.

(Second Head) Why, the blokes' run off!

This is oviesly alien writing....mmm....it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.

This is oviesly alien writing.... mmm.... it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.

You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

...

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

You make me sad.

How does it... um... how does it work?

I know not, my liege.

Consult the Book of Armaments!

Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Skip a bit, brother...

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Amen.

Right. One... two... five!

Three, sir.

Three!

Well, it's a joke sir, like Sillius Soddus or Biggus Dickus, Sir.

What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?

Well, it's a joke name, Sir.

Right! I'll do you for that!

You'll what?

Come here!

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

I am invincible!

You're a loony!

The Black Knights always triumph!

It's just a scratch. I've had worse.

Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here & take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!

Yes I have.

Look!

Just a flesh wound.

Running away? You yellow bastard! Come back and get what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

'Tis but a scratch.

A scratch!? Your arm's off!

No, it isn't.

Well, what's that then?!

I've had worse.

Tis but a scratch

Tis but a scratch.

I'll bite your legs off!

(having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs), well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy

[having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs] Well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy

(limbless and on the ground) Running away, eh? Come back here!! I'll bite your legs off!!

[limbless and on the ground] Running away, eh? Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!

What is your name?

Sir Lancelot of Camelot!

What is your quest?

To seek the Holy Grail!

What is your favorite colour?

Red!... I mean blue! (falls down the crevice screaming)

Red!... I mean blue! [falls down the crevice screaming]

Oh sh*t, it's Mr. Creosote!

Hide!

[charges into room, killing hicoughing guard]

[turns] Now, you're not allowed to- [gets cut off as Lancelot kills him]

I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldeberries!

Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?

No! now go away away or I shall taunt you a second time!

i thought your son was a girl

I thought your son was a girl.

thats understandable

That's understandable.

Brian, "you don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody."

You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody.

You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody,

[after literally "disarming" the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!

[after literally 'disarming' the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!

'Tis but a scratch.

A scratch?! You're arm's off!

No it isn't!

[points to BK's arm on the ground] Well, what's that?

I've had worse.

You liar!

Oh, come on, you pansy!

[calling out to the battlements] Hello! Hello!

Hallo? Who is it?

It is King Arthur, and these are his Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?

This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.

Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.

Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'd be very keen. He's already got one you see?

[puzzled] What?

They said they already got one.

It's only at the precipice that we change.

He's ogre.

No, really. I'm fine.

I Wendy- I Wanda- I wonder...

It's Only a flesh wound.

It's just a flesh wound!

Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!

Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I'll have you for that!

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Ladies and gentlemen I present you The King of the Jungle.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

It's only a flesh wound!

It's just a flesh wound.

to Black knigh: tWhat are you going to do, bleed on me?

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Your father was a hamster, and your mother smelt of elderberries!

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

She turned me into a newt!

A newt?

...I got better...

I got better...

Silly old bear.

oh bother

Oh bother.

You only killed the bride's father, you know.

Well, I didn't mean to.

Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.

Oh dear... is he all right?

It's hard on the peace and it's hard on the furniture

It's just a flesh wound.

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Tis but a scratch!

Your motha was a hamster and your fatha smelled of hoozenberries!!!