John Cleese

Highest Rated: 97% Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979)

Lowest Rated: 4% The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

Birthday: Oct 27, 1939

Birthplace: Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, England

Family name was originally "Cheese", but his father changed it in 1915 to "Cleese" upon joining the British army. Was bullied at school because he was six feet tall by the age of twelve. Taught biology for two years at his old preparatory school before being admitted to Cambridge to study law. Performed with the Cambridge Footlights comedy group, where he met future Monty Python members Graham Chapman and Eric Idle. Wrote and performed in the comedy revue Cambridge Circus, which played off-Broadway in New York. Professional writing career began with The Dick Emery Show in 1963; later wrote for the satirical sketch show The Frost Report, which also featured Terry Jones and Michael Palin. Co-founded Monty Python's Flying Circus in 1969; co-wrote and appeared in the group's BBC series and their films, including Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Life of Brian. Starred in and co-wrote the sitcom Fawlty Towers. Has written several books, including Families and How to Survive Them. Has worked to save endangered lemurs and had a new species of lemur named after him. Served as a professor of comedy at Cornell University in New York. Known for his innovative slapstick routines and infantile character sketches. Received the BAFTA Award for 'Best Light Entertainment Performance' in 'Fawlty Towers' in 1980; the Primetime Emmy for 'Outstanding Guest Performer in a Comedy Series' for 'Cheers' in 1987; an Oscar nomination for writing 'A Fish Called Wanda' in 1988; and the BAFTA Award for 'Best Actor' in 'A Fish Called Wanda' in 1989. Has been married four times and divorced three times.

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Highest Rated Movies

Monty Python's Life of Brian
97%

Filmography

MOVIES

		CREDIT
30%	Elliot The Littlest Reindeer	Actor	2018
No Score Yet	Charming	Actor	2018
19%	Absolutely Anything	Chief Alien	2017
75%	Trolls	King Gristles Sr.	2016
No Score Yet	A.C.O.R.N.S.: Operation Crackdown (Get Squirrely)	Mr. Bellwood	2016
No Score Yet	The Enchanted Stallion	General Eeder	2016
No Score Yet	Get Squirrely	Actor	2015
93%	The Last Impresario	Actor	2014
No Score Yet	Monty Python Live (Mostly)	Actor	2014
No Score Yet	Monty Python: The Meaning Of Live	Actor	2014
No Score Yet	Spud 3: Learning to Fly	Actor	2014
25%	Planes	Bulldog	2013
No Score Yet	Spud 2: The Madness Continues	Mr. "The Guv"' Edly	2013
43%	A Liar's Autobiography - The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman	Actor	2012
No Score Yet	God Loves Caviar	Actor	2012
91%	Winnie the Pooh	Narrator	2011
No Score Yet	Beethoven's Christmas Adventure	Actor	2011
No Score Yet	Monty Python: Almost the Truth - The Lawyers Cut	Actor	2011
58%	Shrek Forever After	King	2010
80%	Spud	Actor	2010
22%	Planet 51	Professor Kipple	2009
12%	Pink Panther 2	Chief Inspector Dreyfus	2009
No Score Yet	The Art Of Football	Screenwriter Actor	2009
No Score Yet	Monty Python Almost the Truth Obligatory Making of Special	Actor	2009
21%	The Day the Earth Stood Still	Prof. Barnhardt	2008
37%	Igor	Dr. Glickenstein	2008
No Score Yet	Monty Python - Before & After	Actor	2008
No Score Yet	Monty Python: The Other British Invasion	Actor	2008
41%	Shrek the Third	King	2007
79%	Charlotte's Web	Samuel	2006
No Score Yet	L'Entente cordiale	Actor	2006
No Score Yet	Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys	British Expert	2006
38%	Man About Town	Dr. Primkin	2006
32%	Valiant	Mercury	2005
No Score Yet	John Cleese's Wine for the Confused	Actor	2004
No Score Yet	Wine for the Confused	Actor	2004
32%	Around the World in 80 Days	Grizzled Sergeant	2004
90%	Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban	Nearly Headless Nick	2004
89%	Shrek 2	King Harold	2004
No Score Yet	Romance With A Double Bass	Actor	2003
17%	George Of The Jungle 2	Ape	2003
17%	Esto es un Robo	Charles Merchant	2003
42%	Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle	Mr. Munday	2003
67%	Stupidity	Actor	2003
57%	Die Another Day	Q	2002
82%	Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets	Nick the Nearly Headless Ghost	2002
4%	The Adventures of Pluto Nash	James	2002
81%	Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone	Sir Nicholas "Nearly Headless Nick" de Mimsy-Porpington	2001
No Score Yet	Mickey's Magical Christmas - Snowed in at the House of Mouse	Narrator	2001
No Score Yet	Beauty	Actor	2001
43%	Rat Race	Donald Sinclair	2001
No Score Yet	The Magic Pudding	Albert The Magic Pudding	2001
25%	Isn't She Great	Henry Marcus	2000
No Score Yet	Quantum Project	Alexander Pentcho	2000
51%	The World Is Not Enough	R	1999
27%	The Out-of-Towners	Mr. Mersault	1999
No Score Yet	Parting Shots	Maurice Walpole	1999
57%	George of the Jungle	Ape	1997
53%	Fierce Creatures	Producer Screenwriter Rollo Lee	1997
75%	The Wind in the Willows	Mr. Toad's Lawyer	1996
79%	Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book	Dr. Plumford	1994
39%	Mary Shelley's Frankenstein	Prof. Waldman	1994
50%	The Swan Princess	Jean-Bob	1994
8%	Splitting Heirs	Shadgrind	1993
45%	An American Tail - Fievel Goes West	Cat R. Waul	1991
No Score Yet	Bullseye!	Man on Beach in Barbados	1990
No Score Yet	Life of Python	Actor	1990
No Score Yet	Quark the Dragon Slayer	Actor	1990
No Score Yet	The Secret Policeman's Biggest Ball	Actor	1989
47%	Erik the Viking	Halfdan the Black	1989
91%	The Big Picture	Bartender	1989
40%	Bert Rigby, You're a Fool	Actor	1989
No Score Yet	Monty Python's Parrot Sketch Not Included	Actor	1989
93%	A Fish Called Wanda	Executive Producer Archie Leach Screenwriter	1988
No Score Yet	The Secret Policeman's Third Ball	Actor	1987
80%	Clockwise	Brian Stimpson	1986
77%	Silverado	Sheriff Langston	1985
No Score Yet	The Secret Policeman's Private Parts	Actor	1984
22%	Yellowbeard	Screenwriter Blind Pew	1983
85%	Monty Python's The Meaning of Life	Fish #2/Dr. Spencer/Humphrey Williams/Sturridge/Ainsworth Screenwriter	1983
No Score Yet	Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl	Various roles Rotkäppchen Screenwriter	1982
No Score Yet	Privates on Parade	Maj. Giles Flack	1982
No Score Yet	The Secret Policeman's Other Ball	Actor	1982
89%	Time Bandits	Robin Hood Screenwriter	1981
75%	The Great Muppet Caper	Neville	1981
No Score Yet	The Secret Policeman's Ball	Actor	1981
No Score Yet	The Taming of the Shrew	Petruchio	1980
97%	Monty Python's Life of Brian	Centurion Wise Man Official Screenwriter	1979
No Score Yet	Strange Case of the End of Civilization as We Know It	Arthur Sherlock Holmes	1977
No Score Yet	The Mermaid Frolics	Actor	1977
No Score Yet	Pleasure at Her Majesty's (Monty Python Meets Beyond the Fringe)	Actor	1976
97%	Monty Python and the Holy Grail	Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French Screenwriter	1975
No Score Yet	Monty Python's Flying Circus - Episode 45	Actor	1974
No Score Yet	Romance With a Double Bass	Musician Smychkov	1974
No Score Yet	Dr. Seuss: Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?	Narrator	1973
90%	Monty Python's And Now for Something Completely Different	Screenwriter Town Guild Lady #2	1972
No Score Yet	The Statue	Harry	1971
No Score Yet	The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer	Plumer Pumer Screenwriter	1970
56%	The Magic Christian	Director In Sotheby's	1970
No Score Yet	John Cleese on How to Irritate People	Actor	1968
No Score Yet	The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom	Actor	1968
No Score Yet	At Last the 1948 Show	Actor	1967
No Score Yet	Interlude	'rV Publicist	1957

TV

		CREDIT
No Score Yet	Speechless 2016	Martin	2018
No Score Yet	Late Night With Seth Meyers 2014	Guest	2018 2015
No Score Yet	The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2015	Guest	2018 2015
No Score Yet	The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 2014	Guest	2017 2015
No Score Yet	Conan 2010	Guest	2016 2015
No Score Yet	Sunday Morning 2011-2018	Appearing	2015
No Score Yet	Real Time With Bill Maher 2003	Guest Panelist	2015 2014
No Score Yet	The Graham Norton Show 2007	Guest	2015 2014 2010
No Score Yet	The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 1999-2015	Guest	2014
20%	Whitney 2011-2013	Dr. Grant	2013 2012
66%	Entourage 2004-2011	Himself	2010
No Score Yet	Will & Grace 1998	Lyle Finster Lester Finster	2004 2003 1999
No Score Yet	3rd Rock from the Sun 1996-2001	Liam Neesam	2001 1998
No Score Yet	Cheers 1982-1993	Guest Dr. Simon Finch-Royce	1987
No Score Yet	Doctor Who 1963-1989	Gallery Visitor	1979
100%	The Muppet Show 1976-1981	Guest	1977
100%	Fawlty Towers 1975-1979	Screenwriter Basil Fawlty
56%	Hold the Sunset 2018	Phil
100%	Monty Python's Flying Circus 1969-1974	Screenwriter Director Performer
No Score Yet	The Avengers 1969	Marcus Rugman

QUOTES FROM John Cleese CHARACTERS

Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French	"I'll do you for that."
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French	I'll do you for that.
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French	"You'll what?"
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French	You'll what?

Queen Lillian	Harold!
Princess Fiona	Shrek!
Shrek	Fiona!
King Harold	Fiona!
Princess Fiona	Mom!
Donkey	Donkey!

Fairy Godmother	Harold! You were meant to give her the potion!
Fairy Godmother	Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!
King Harold	Well, I think I gave her the wrong tea!
King Harold	Well, I must have given her the wrong tea!

Brian Stimpson	It's not the despair. I can stand the despair. It's the hope!
Mrs. Garden	It don't who I am or when I am.

French	"Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."
French	Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.

Bulldog

I don't cry, I'm British.

Donald Sinclair	currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.
Donald Sinclair	Currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.

Raoul P. Shadgrind

Say no more!

Raoul P. Shadgrind	People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun/
Raoul P. Shadgrind	People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun.

Q	How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours
Q	How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours .
James Bond Agent 007	It only took a few seconds Q
James Bond Agent 007	It only took a few seconds Q.
Q	I wish I could make you vanish
Q	I wish I could make you vanish.

Q	Pardon me for asking 007 but a perfect marksman isn't suppose to shoot his own boss.
James Bond Agent 007	Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound
James Bond Agent 007	Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound.

Black Knight	(After noticing that he has no limbs left) All right, we'll call it a draw.
Black Knight	All right, we'll call it a draw.

French	Your Mother was a Hamster, and your Father smelt of Elderberries!
French	Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Three-Headed Knight	(First Head)I say let's kill him.
Three-Headed Knight	(Second Head) Let's have tea first.
Three-Headed Knight	(Third Head) Oh, stop your whining. First we kill him, then we have biscuts and tea.
Three-Headed Knight	(Second Head) No biscuts. Let's just kill him already.
Three-Headed Knight	(First Head) Alright, alright. First we kill him, then we have tea.
Three-Headed Knight	(All Three) Right.
Black Knight	(Second Head) Why, the blokes' run off!

Professor Kipple	This is oviesly alien writing....mmm....it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.
Professor Kipple	This is oviesly alien writing.... mmm.... it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.

King Arthur	You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.
Black Knight	...
King Arthur	I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
King Arthur	I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.
King Arthur	You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
King Arthur	You make me sad.

King Arthur	How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot	I know not, my liege.
King Arthur	Consult the Book of Armaments!
Maynard	Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Minstrel + minor role	And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Minstrel + minor role	And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Maynard	Skip a bit, brother...
Minstrel + minor role	And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Minstrel + minor role	And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Maynard	Amen.
King Arthur	Right. One... two... five!
Sir Galahad	Three, sir.
King Arthur	Three!

Centurion	Well, it's a joke sir, like Sillius Soddus or Biggus Dickus, Sir.
Pontius Pilate	What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?
Centurion	Well, it's a joke name, Sir.

Black Knight	Right! I'll do you for that!
King Arthur	You'll what?
Black Knight	Come here!
King Arthur	What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight	I am invincible!
King Arthur	You're a loony!
Black Knight	The Black Knights always triumph!

Black Knight

It's just a scratch. I've had worse.

Black Knight

Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here & take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

King Arthur	Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight	Yes I have.
King Arthur	Look!
Black Knight	Just a flesh wound.

Black Knight

Running away? You yellow bastard! Come back and get what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Black Knight	'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur	A scratch!? Your arm's off!
Black Knight	No, it isn't.
King Arthur	Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight	I've had worse.

Black Knight	Tis but a scratch
Black Knight	Tis but a scratch.

Black Knight

I'll bite your legs off!

King Arthur	(having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs), well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
King Arthur	[having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs] Well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
Black Knight	(limbless and on the ground) Running away, eh? Come back here!! I'll bite your legs off!!
Black Knight	[limbless and on the ground] Running away, eh? Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!

Old Man from Scene 24	What is your name?
Sir Lancelot	Sir Lancelot of Camelot!
Old Man from Scene 24	What is your quest?
Sir Lancelot	To seek the Holy Grail!
Old Man from Scene 24	What is your favorite colour?
Sir Lancelot	Red!... I mean blue! (falls down the crevice screaming)
Sir Lancelot	Red!... I mean blue! [falls down the crevice screaming]

Fourth Fish	Oh sh*t, it's Mr. Creosote!
Second Fish Grim	Hide!

Sir Lancelot	[charges into room, killing hicoughing guard]
Guard	[turns] Now, you're not allowed to- [gets cut off as Lancelot kills him]

French	I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldeberries!
King Arthur	Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?
French	No! now go away away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Sir Lancelot	i thought your son was a girl
Sir Lancelot	I thought your son was a girl.
King	thats understandable
King	That's understandable.

Centurion	Brian, "you don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody."
Brian Called Brian	You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody.

Centurion

You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody,

King Arthur	[after literally "disarming" the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
King Arthur	[after literally 'disarming' the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight	'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur	A scratch?! You're arm's off!
Black Knight	No it isn't!
King Arthur	[points to BK's arm on the ground] Well, what's that?
Black Knight	I've had worse.
King Arthur	You liar!
Black Knight	Oh, come on, you pansy!

King Arthur	[calling out to the battlements] Hello! Hello!
French	Hallo? Who is it?
King Arthur	It is King Arthur, and these are his Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
French	This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
King Arthur	Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.
French	Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'd be very keen. He's already got one you see?
King Arthur	[puzzled] What?
Sir Galahad	They said they already got one.

Professor Barnhardt

It's only at the precipice that we change.

King Harold

He's ogre.

King Harold

No, really. I'm fine.

Archie Leach

I Wendy- I Wanda- I wonder...

Black Knight	It's Only a flesh wound.
Black Knight	It's just a flesh wound!

French	Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!
French	Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.

French	You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
French	You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

French	I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
French	I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Black Knight	I'll have you for that!
King Arthur	What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Ape	Ladies and gentlemen I present you The King of the Jungle.

French	Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
French	Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Black Knight	It's only a flesh wound!
Black Knight	It's just a flesh wound.

King Arthur	to Black knigh: tWhat are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight	What are you going to do, bleed on me?

French	Your father was a hamster, and your mother smelt of elderberries!
French	Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sir Lancelot	She turned me into a newt!
Sir Galahad	A newt?
Sir Lancelot	...I got better...
Sir Lancelot	I got better...

Narrator

Silly old bear.

Narrator	oh bother
Narrator	Oh bother.

King	You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot	Well, I didn't mean to.
King	Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot	Oh dear... is he all right?