Modern Vampires Reviews

  • Nov 01, 2015

    LA community of vampires deals with new vampire on their turf posing as a prostitute along with a vampire hunter (Rod Steiger). Snobbish tone of film annoys throughout and this one is best left for the dustbin. Only positive of the film lied in the scenes with the Crips gang members who Steiger hires to help him kill vampires. Kim Cattrall's German accent seemed completely unnecessary.

    LA community of vampires deals with new vampire on their turf posing as a prostitute along with a vampire hunter (Rod Steiger). Snobbish tone of film annoys throughout and this one is best left for the dustbin. Only positive of the film lied in the scenes with the Crips gang members who Steiger hires to help him kill vampires. Kim Cattrall's German accent seemed completely unnecessary.

  • Jun 17, 2014

    Not your standard vampire fare has Count Dracula overseeing a group of beautiful vampires who partake in the LA nightlife scene. Pretentious fare with scattered dark humour. Some attempts to be stylish and trendy appear dated already.

    Not your standard vampire fare has Count Dracula overseeing a group of beautiful vampires who partake in the LA nightlife scene. Pretentious fare with scattered dark humour. Some attempts to be stylish and trendy appear dated already.

  • Jul 25, 2012

    Compared to the director's best film Forbidden Zone and the writer's best film Freeway; this fone is an utter failure. The jokes are simply not funny. You might see reviews to the contrary, but you'll notice not one single quote from the film on this page; because none are worthy of repeating. Over 3,000 reviews with supposed 47% likability and not one quote. Nuff said. The sexuality is as ham-fisted as....well, comparable to a couple of character actors with plastic teeth fisting one another. The dark skinned actors are the only ones who seem to know the definition of comedic timing. ONLY the camp factor works AT ALL, but it's just not exaggerated enough to hold the weight of such a colossal failure. I'd like to call myself a fan of both Elfman and Bright; but if liking this piece of donkey fart is required then I guess not.

    Compared to the director's best film Forbidden Zone and the writer's best film Freeway; this fone is an utter failure. The jokes are simply not funny. You might see reviews to the contrary, but you'll notice not one single quote from the film on this page; because none are worthy of repeating. Over 3,000 reviews with supposed 47% likability and not one quote. Nuff said. The sexuality is as ham-fisted as....well, comparable to a couple of character actors with plastic teeth fisting one another. The dark skinned actors are the only ones who seem to know the definition of comedic timing. ONLY the camp factor works AT ALL, but it's just not exaggerated enough to hold the weight of such a colossal failure. I'd like to call myself a fan of both Elfman and Bright; but if liking this piece of donkey fart is required then I guess not.

  • Apr 17, 2012

    straight to home video

    straight to home video

  • Apr 10, 2012

    a great dark comedy from the writer/director of the freeway series

    a great dark comedy from the writer/director of the freeway series

  • Mar 05, 2012

    excellent rock & roll

    excellent rock & roll

  • Sep 27, 2010

    There are many reasons to condemn this movie, and critically, I can't give it many stars, but hell - it's just FUN. I'll never tire of watching this baby. Directed by the infamous Richard Elfman, who brought us all the "does...not...compute" experience of The Forbidden Zone, you should know to enter this film with extreme caution. That being said, I thought it was fantastic. The acting leaves...something to be desired at points, but at the same time, good god you have to love Craig Ferguson's performance as Richard the vamp. What a card. The rushed, forced trailer-park back-story scene with Nico's parents is probably the weakest point in the film, and could be edited out without being missed, and the goblin-vampire gang-rape is just....I don't know what that is. I think its fair to compare this film to marmite - you'll either LOVE the Timebomb-Van Helsing combo, or you'll hate it. The lines will either crack you up time and time again, or they'll leave you nonplussed. Like everything an Elfman ever touches, it's going to get violently mixed reactions. If you go into this film skeptically, you're going to hate it. But, if you just want a bit of silly fun, or you're one of those rare people who actually ENJOYED The Forbidden Zone, then it'll be your friend for life.

    There are many reasons to condemn this movie, and critically, I can't give it many stars, but hell - it's just FUN. I'll never tire of watching this baby. Directed by the infamous Richard Elfman, who brought us all the "does...not...compute" experience of The Forbidden Zone, you should know to enter this film with extreme caution. That being said, I thought it was fantastic. The acting leaves...something to be desired at points, but at the same time, good god you have to love Craig Ferguson's performance as Richard the vamp. What a card. The rushed, forced trailer-park back-story scene with Nico's parents is probably the weakest point in the film, and could be edited out without being missed, and the goblin-vampire gang-rape is just....I don't know what that is. I think its fair to compare this film to marmite - you'll either LOVE the Timebomb-Van Helsing combo, or you'll hate it. The lines will either crack you up time and time again, or they'll leave you nonplussed. Like everything an Elfman ever touches, it's going to get violently mixed reactions. If you go into this film skeptically, you're going to hate it. But, if you just want a bit of silly fun, or you're one of those rare people who actually ENJOYED The Forbidden Zone, then it'll be your friend for life.

  • Mar 26, 2010

    It is one of those movies that is so bad that it is good...

    It is one of those movies that is so bad that it is good...

  • Jan 15, 2010

    So, there were A LOT of people that I recognized in this movie, and I'm not going to lie, I'm a little surprised that they were in this at all. I was a little excited that there were some Oingo Bongo/Elfman sounding music in the background. But with basically every other word being the fbomb it really couldn't hold my interest.

    So, there were A LOT of people that I recognized in this movie, and I'm not going to lie, I'm a little surprised that they were in this at all. I was a little excited that there were some Oingo Bongo/Elfman sounding music in the background. But with basically every other word being the fbomb it really couldn't hold my interest.

  • May 03, 2009

    I am a major fan of vampire movies but this one has to be one of the worst.

    I am a major fan of vampire movies but this one has to be one of the worst.