The eXile

The eXile is not a Tomatometer-approved publication. Reviews from this publication only count toward the Tomatometer when written by the following Tomatometer-approved critic(s): Eileen Jones
Rating Title/Year Author
Gangs of New York (2002) Eileen Jones Gangs of New York is one of those haunting failures. I can't get over it; it still gives me a pang every time I think of it. It seemed so filled with potential. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
The A-Team (2010) Eileen Jones For those of us who like action, we can talk sensibly. Is The A-Team a dumb film? Yes. How dumb is it? It's incredibly dumb-nay, exuberantly dumb. And who was it who said, "exuberance is beauty?" EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008) Eileen Jones Because this is just another romantic comedy, given a youth-audience spin, there's nothing much going on. It's got the standard slovenly agenda of shoving the two hetero leads together because they've always gotten shoved together... EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) Eileen Jones I'd like to report that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button represents the end of an era, one of those turning-points when American movies just have to change because they can't get any worse. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) Eileen Jones Monsters vs. Aliens is raucous and undemanding "flat" entertainment, no doubt. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
The International (2009) Eileen Jones The International continues in this tradition of telling us what we already know to our sorrow. Somebody tell us something we don't know! EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Star Trek (2009) Eileen Jones Did all the fight choreographers in Hollywood boycott this production or something? EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Knight and Day (2010) Eileen Jones Even if you like this kind of thing, you still have to be in the right mood for it. If you don't like this kind of thing, you don't need me to tell you to stay far, far away. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Extract (2009) Eileen Jones Extract is so bad its rottenness becomes a source of fascination, which is a good thing, because there's nothing else to sustain your interest while the 89 minute dud drags by. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Toy Story 3 (2010) Eileen Jones What's so distressing about all this, as I keep pointing out, is the tremendous talent of the Pixar team getting wasted on nostalgic goop, forever presenting idealized 1950s suburban culture as the norm. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Twilight (2008) Eileen Jones The orthodox blood-drinking vampires...are about as frightening as snitty runway models, and are only there to threaten Bella's maidenly Type O so Edward can rescue her for the seven-hundredth time. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Disney's A Christmas Carol (2009) Eileen Jones This, I told myself, is going to suck. And in most ways, it does suck as fully as expected. But there are, surprisingly, a few decent points, too. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Ghost Town (2008) Eileen Jones The ending's like The Simpsons' version of a Disneyland parade, with the shouted slogan, "Hurray for Everything!!" And these days, nobody needs that kind of aggravation. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Eileen Jones The Day the Earth Stood Still is a great study in all the things that can go wrong with a movie. The plot's all haywire and the casting's rotten and the dialogue's stupid and the camerawork's ugly and the CGI sucks. EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) Eileen Jones Are these films simply cries for help? EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Shutter Island (2010) Eileen Jones What happened to Martin Scorsese? Has Scorsese taken a trip to the lighthouse? Did somebody tell him that he too could be an Oscar-winning studio hack if he'd just let somebody cut a hole in his brain? EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010) Eileen Jones Does it seem pandering? Are they sick of the bleating, narrow-shouldered Michael Cera type-casting? Do they dislike having their sense of leading epic lives pointed out for laughs, especially in the grandiose form that is cinema? EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
Tropic Thunder (2008) Eileen Jones If you haven't seen Tropic Thunder yet, go now. There are scenes in it so hilarious the whole audience goes into laugh-convulsions for minutes at a time EDIT
Posted Oct 31, 2018
WALL-E (2008) Eileen Jones Wall-E is Chaplinesque in the worst way. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Up (2009) Eileen Jones Truthfully, it was only the bird and the dog that saved me from bolting out of the theater. They rated some laughs. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Burn After Reading (2008) Eileen Jones The Coens are having none of it. The dopes we encounter every day are the real dopes, the creeps are the real creeps, the people in and around power who seem so stupid and venal really are stupid and venal... EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
The Hangover (2009) Eileen Jones Maybe, just maybe, the movie drags like a half-detached muffler and for some reason nobody wants to mention it. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Fright Night (2011) Eileen Jones Fright Night is a nice little genre film. I was pleasantly surprised. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Predators (2010) Eileen Jones I found Predators to be amusing as hell, but then, I was in just the right mood for it. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) Eileen Jones Since they do spend so much time on the teen hormone angle, I have to say that the Harry Potter-Ginny Weasley love story is disastrous in both book and film. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Terminator Salvation (2009) Eileen Jones I seriously thought my eardrums had burst a couple of times during Terminator Salvation. The movie sounds like jets crashing into a junkyard, one after another... EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) Eileen Jones When the apes get smart, it's pretty thrilling...may this be the first of many Uprising Movies, and may they give us all some practical ideas for future use. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Horrible Bosses (2011) Eileen Jones It's a little too fitting, maybe, that Horrible Bosses goes all vague and mushy and out-of-focus in trying to represent what a happy ending would even look like. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
2012 (2009) Eileen Jones 2012 is all about this irrational determination to live and perpetuate our crappy civilization. The film concentrates fiercely on who's going to get a spot on the ark in the end. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Capitalism: A Love Story (2009) Eileen Jones Capitalism: A Love Story is a fantastic slap-upside-the-head film, just what we need right now. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Red Cliff (2008) Eileen Jones The star, Tony Leung, isn't even handsome, but he's got this wonderful, intelligent, melancholy expression that's worth more than all the handsome there is. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Avatar (2009) Eileen Jones What about the totally immersive game-changing 230-million-dollar 3-D animation/live-action digitized supersensory orgasmatron of a revolutionary media experience, you ask? Eh, it was all right... EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
13 Assassins (2010) Eileen Jones It's a reverent throwback to the great 1950s-'60s Japanese samurai films, and it's done in neutral shades of gray and white and tan and black. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Super 8 (2011) Eileen Jones Those stupid interminable close-ups of Dee Wallace-Stone's suburban-mom face, upturned and simpering-will I ever be able to scrub them from my memory? EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Get Him to the Greek (2010) Eileen Jones There's a perfectly neat way to wind this up without the nauseating dog's breakfast the final act becomes, with every disgusting thing thrown in, gobbled up, regurgitated with horrible hacking noises, and eaten again. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Pineapple Express (2008) Eileen Jones I admit I enjoyed Pineapple Express more than I expected. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Cowboys & Aliens (2011) Eileen Jones Cowboys and Aliens is a big mess, sure, but I don't know what everybody's screaming about, it's still better than most of the other maggoty offal they've been serving at the multiplex all year long. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Angels & Demons (2009) Eileen Jones ...the wacky action finale ruins the whole zoning-out experience, plus it pushes the film to a punishing two-and-a-half hours. Damn! Sometimes it seems like they can't even make good crap anymore. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
W. (2008) Eileen Jones If you decide to go see W., just be warned that, once again, Oliver Stone thinks he has some sort of profound insight to share with you. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Unknown (2011) Eileen Jones I forgot Unknown by the time I got to the car; it was a real act of will to call it up again long enough to review it, and I'm already forgetting it again. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Quantum of Solace (2008) Eileen Jones At the end of Solace there are a couple of unhappy but typical realizations: 1) that the film only runs 106 minutes when it seemed more like 166, and 2) that it's still hard to say whether Daniel Craig moves well as an action hero. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Sherlock Holmes (2009) Eileen Jones As Watson, Jude Law has found his perfect role. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Rango (2011) Eileen Jones Rango is quite beautiful in its harsh, perverse way. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Paranormal Activity (2007) Eileen Jones Paranormal Activity has some big flaws, but I find big flaws fairly forgivable in $10,000 films made by amateurs. EDIT
Posted Oct 30, 2018
Iron Man 2 (2010) Eileen Jones Personally, I enjoyed it...it's a traditional storyline, but as far as I can tell, it still works for a reason. EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018
Election (1999) Eileen Jones An annihilating satire of the American experience, Election has never really been equaled for sheer truth-telling about the crushing awfulness of high school, which sets us up for the rotten lives we're going to live thereafter. EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018
Hereafter (2010) Eileen Jones Eastwood found a way to turn the whole thing into a big drag. EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018
The Informant! (2009) Eileen Jones If you think our culture is totally, horribly, permanently screwed up, go see The Informant! EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018
The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009) Eileen Jones Carried the whole load on his back, he did! Denzel Washington, American hero! Now somebody reward him with a good film! EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018
Alice in Wonderland (2010) Eileen Jones It's seriously beautiful at intervals that command attention. There's a war theme in it that's pursued with surprising gravity. EDIT
Posted Oct 26, 2018