Graham Chapman

Graham Chapman

  • Highest Rated: 97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
  • Lowest Rated: 22% Yellowbeard (1983)
  • Birthday: Jan 8, 1941
  • Birthplace: Leicester, Leicestershire, England, UK
  • While attending Cambridge University, Leicester-born Graham Chapman met and befriended fellow student John Cleese. Sharing a keen sense of the ridiculous, Chapman and Cleese formed a writing/performing team, contributing scripts to a variety of BBC radio and TV shows, most notably Doctor in the House. They also wrote for such satirical films as The Magic Christian (1969) and Rentadick (1972). In 1969, Chapman and Cleese formed the Monty Python comedy troupe, which led to the matchless TV comedy-sketch series Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969-1974). Because he came closest to resembling a film star, the Pythons cast Chapman in the leading roles of their film projects Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) and The Life of Brian (1978); in the latter film, Chapman scored as an "alternate Messiah" who ended his life on the Cross while singing an insipid cheer-up song. On his own, Graham Chapman was not quite as successful as he'd been in the company of fellow Pythons Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin and Terry Gilian, though he did publish a moderately successful 1981 memoir, A Liar's Autobiography. After co-scripting and co-starring in the all-star "comedy salad" Yellowbeard (1983), Graham Chapman died of spinal and throat cancer; he was only 48.

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

No Score Yet Python at 50: Silly Talks and Holy Grails Actor 2019
44% A Liar's Autobiography - The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman Screenwriter Actor 2012
No Score Yet Monty Python Almost the Truth Obligatory Making of Special Actor 2009
No Score Yet Monty Python: The Other British Invasion Actor 2008
No Score Yet Monty Python - Before & After Actor 2008
No Score Yet VeggieTales: God Made You Special Actor 2007
No Score Yet Graham Chapman: Looks Like Another Brown Trouser Job Actor 2005
No Score Yet Life of Python Actor 1990
No Score Yet Monty Python's Parrot Sketch Not Included Actor 1989
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Private Parts Actor 1984
22% Yellowbeard Screenwriter 1983
86% Monty Python's The Meaning of Life Screenwriter Chairman/Fish #1/Doctor/Harry Blackitt/Wymer/Hordern 1983
No Score Yet Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Screenwriter Inspector 1982
89% The Secret Policeman's Other Ball Actor 1982
95% Monty Python's Life of Brian Screenwriter Brian Called Brian 1979
No Score Yet Odd Job Arthur Harris 1978
97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard Screenwriter 1975
No Score Yet Monty Python's Flying Circus - Episode 45 Actor 1974
90% Monty Python's And Now for Something Completely Different Sir Edward Ross Screenwriter 1972
No Score Yet The Statue News Reader 1971
No Score Yet The Magnificent Seven Deadly Sins Screenwriter 1971
No Score Yet The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer Screenwriter Fromage 1970
No Score Yet Doctor in Trouble Roddy 1970
56% The Magic Christian Oxford Crew (uncredited) 1970
No Score Yet John Cleese on How to Irritate People Actor 1968
No Score Yet At Last the 1948 Show Actor 1967

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

100% Monty Python's Flying Circus
1969-1974
Screenwriter Director Performer

QUOTES FROM Graham Chapman CHARACTERS

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
What, Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard
Yes!
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
You're using coconuts!
King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard
What?
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
You've got two empty halves of coconuts and your bangin' 'em together.
Yellowbeard
Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead.
Yellowbeard
Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!
Old Man from Scene 24
Stop! WHAT is your name?
King Arthur
It is Arthur, King of the Britons!
Old Man from Scene 24
WHAT is your quest?
King Arthur
To seek the Holy Grail!
Old Man from Scene 24
WHAT is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
King Arthur
What do you mean? African or European swallow?
Old Man from Scene 24
I, I don't know that! *gets pulled to the sky and thrown down the Gorge of Eternal Peril*
Sir Bedevere
How do you know so much about swallows?
King Arthur
Well, you have to know these things when you're king, y'know.
King Arthur
You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.
Black Knight
...
King Arthur
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
King Arthur
I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.
King Arthur
You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
King Arthur
You make me sad.
King Arthur
How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot
I know not, my liege.
King Arthur
Consult the Book of Armaments!
Maynard
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Minstrel + minor role
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Minstrel + minor role
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Maynard
Skip a bit, brother...
Minstrel + minor role
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Minstrel + minor role
And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Maynard
Amen.
King Arthur
Right. One... two... five!
Sir Galahad
Three, sir.
King Arthur
Three!
Brian Called Brian
Hello, Mother.
Mandy
Don't you "hello mother" me! What're all those people doing out there? C'mon, what've you been up to, my lad?
Mandy
Don't you 'hello mother' me! What're all those people doing out there? C'mon, what've you been up to, my lad?
Brian Called Brian
I think they must've popped by, or something.
Mandy
Popped by? Swarmed by, more like! There's a multitude out there!
Black Knight
Right! I'll do you for that!
King Arthur
You'll what?
Black Knight
Come here!
King Arthur
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight
I am invincible!
King Arthur
You're a loony!
Black Knight
The Black Knights always triumph!
King Arthur
Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?
Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--"
Who sent you?
King Arthur
The Knights Who Say Ni.
Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--"
Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.
King Arthur
If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.
Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--"
Agh! Do your worst!
King Arthur
Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!
Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--"
No! Never! No shrubberies!
King Arthur
Ni!
Sir Bedevere
Nu!
King Arthur
No, no, no, no, it's not that. It's 'ni'.
Brian Called Brian
Alright, I AM the messiah! Now, FUCK OFF!
King Arthur
Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight
Yes I have.
King Arthur
Look!
Black Knight
Just a flesh wound.
Black Knight
'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur
A scratch!? Your arm's off!
Black Knight
No, it isn't.
King Arthur
Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight
I've had worse.
King Arthur
Old woman.
Dennis
Man.
King Arthur
Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis
I'm 37.
King Arthur
What?
Dennis
I'm 37. I'm not old.
King Arthur
Well I can't just call you "man".
King Arthur
Well I can't just call you 'man'.
Dennis
Well you could say "Dennis".
Dennis
Well you could say 'Dennis'.
King Arthur
I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis
Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
King Arthur
So, where is this beast?
Patsy/Soothsayer
Don't you see it? It's there, right in front of you!
King Arthur
What, he's in the cave behind that rabbit
King Arthur
What, he's in the cave behind that rabbit.
Patsy/Soothsayer
It is the rabbit!
King Arthur
... You silly sod!
King Arthur
(having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs), well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
King Arthur
[having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs] Well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
Black Knight
(limbless and on the ground) Running away, eh? Come back here!! I'll bite your legs off!!
Black Knight
[limbless and on the ground] Running away, eh? Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!
Revolutionary/Masked Commando
Suicide squad... ATTACK!!! (whole group does hara-kiri) that'll show 'em, eh? (dies)
Revolutionary/Masked Commando
Suicide squad... ATTACK! [whole group does hara-kiri] that'll show 'em, eh? [dies]
Brian Called Brian
You silly sods...
French
I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldeberries!
King Arthur
Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?
French
No! now go away away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Centurion
Brian, "you don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody."
Brian Called Brian
You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody.
King Arthur
[after literally "disarming" the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
King Arthur
[after literally 'disarming' the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight
'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur
A scratch?! You're arm's off!
Black Knight
No it isn't!
King Arthur
[points to BK's arm on the ground] Well, what's that?
Black Knight
I've had worse.
King Arthur
You liar!
Black Knight
Oh, come on, you pansy!
King Arthur
[calling out to the battlements] Hello! Hello!
French
Hallo? Who is it?
King Arthur
It is King Arthur, and these are his Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
French
This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
King Arthur
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.
French
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'd be very keen. He's already got one you see?
King Arthur
[puzzled] What?
Sir Galahad
They said they already got one.
Sir Bedevere
How do know so much about swallows?
King Arthur
Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
King Arthur
I am your king.
Dennis's Mother
Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur
You don't vote for kings.
Dennis's Mother
Well how'd you become king then?
King Arthur
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis
[interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Who goes there?
King Arthur
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Pull the other one!
King Arthur
I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur
Yes!
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
You're using coconuts!
King Arthur
What?
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur
So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur
We found them.
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur
What do you mean?
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Well, this is a temperate zone.
King Arthur
The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
King Arthur
Not at all. They could be carried.
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur
It could grip it by the husk!
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur
Please!
1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds
Am I right?
Black Knight
I'll have you for that!
King Arthur
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
King Arthur
On second thought lets NOT go to Camelot, tis a silly place
King Arthur
On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
King Arthur
to Black knigh: tWhat are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
King Arthur
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
King Arthur
That Rabbit's Dynamite!!
Brian Called Brian
You don't need to follow me! You don't need to follow anybody! You got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals! You're all different!
Man
I'm not...