Graham Chapman

Graham Chapman

Highest Rated: 97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Lowest Rated: 22% Yellowbeard (1983)

Birthday: Jan 8, 1941

Birthplace: Leicester, Leicestershire, England, UK

While attending Cambridge University, Leicester-born Graham Chapman met and befriended fellow student John Cleese. Sharing a keen sense of the ridiculous, Chapman and Cleese formed a writing/performing team, contributing scripts to a variety of BBC radio and TV shows, most notably Doctor in the House. They also wrote for such satirical films as The Magic Christian (1969) and Rentadick (1972). In 1969, Chapman and Cleese formed the Monty Python comedy troupe, which led to the matchless TV comedy-sketch series Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969-1974). Because he came closest to resembling a film star, the Pythons cast Chapman in the leading roles of their film projects Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) and The Life of Brian (1978); in the latter film, Chapman scored as an "alternate Messiah" who ended his life on the Cross while singing an insipid cheer-up song. On his own, Graham Chapman was not quite as successful as he'd been in the company of fellow Pythons Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin and Terry Gilian, though he did publish a moderately successful 1981 memoir, A Liar's Autobiography. After co-scripting and co-starring in the all-star "comedy salad" Yellowbeard (1983), Graham Chapman died of spinal and throat cancer; he was only 48.

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Credit
No Score Yet Python at 50: Silly Talks and Holy Grails Actor 2019
44% A Liar's Autobiography - The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman Screenwriter Actor 2012
No Score Yet Monty Python Almost the Truth Obligatory Making of Special Actor 2009
No Score Yet Monty Python: The Other British Invasion Actor 2008
No Score Yet Monty Python - Before & After Actor 2008
No Score Yet VeggieTales: God Made You Special Actor 2007
No Score Yet Graham Chapman: Looks Like Another Brown Trouser Job Actor 2005
No Score Yet Life of Python Actor 1990
No Score Yet Monty Python's Parrot Sketch Not Included Actor 1989
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Private Parts Actor 1984
22% Yellowbeard Screenwriter 1983
86% Monty Python's The Meaning of Life Screenwriter Chairman/Fish #1/Doctor/Harry Blackitt/Wymer/Hordern 1983
No Score Yet Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Screenwriter Inspector 1982
89% The Secret Policeman's Other Ball Actor 1982
95% Monty Python's Life of Brian Screenwriter Brian Called Brian 1979
No Score Yet Odd Job Arthur Harris 1978
97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard Screenwriter 1975
No Score Yet Monty Python's Flying Circus - Episode 45 Actor 1974
91% Monty Python's And Now for Something Completely Different Sir Edward Ross Screenwriter 1972
No Score Yet The Statue News Reader 1971
No Score Yet The Magnificent Seven Deadly Sins Screenwriter 1971
No Score Yet The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer Screenwriter Fromage 1970
No Score Yet Doctor in Trouble Roddy 1970
56% The Magic Christian Oxford Crew (uncredited) 1970
No Score Yet John Cleese on How to Irritate People Actor 1968
No Score Yet At Last the 1948 Show Actor 1967

TV

Credit
100% Monty Python's Flying Circus
1969-1974
Screenwriter Director Performer

QUOTES FROM Graham Chapman CHARACTERS

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: What, Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard says: Yes!

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur, Three-Headed Knight, Hiccoughing Guard says: What?

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: You've got two empty halves of coconuts and your bangin' 'em together.

Yellowbeard says: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead.

Yellowbeard says: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!

Old Man from Scene 24 says: Stop! WHAT is your name?

King Arthur says: It is Arthur, King of the Britons!

Old Man from Scene 24 says: WHAT is your quest?

King Arthur says: To seek the Holy Grail!

Old Man from Scene 24 says: WHAT is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur says: What do you mean? African or European swallow?

Old Man from Scene 24 says: I, I don't know that! *gets pulled to the sky and thrown down the Gorge of Eternal Peril*

Sir Bedevere says: How do you know so much about swallows?

King Arthur says: Well, you have to know these things when you're king, y'know.

King Arthur says: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

Black Knight says: ...

King Arthur says: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

King Arthur says: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.

King Arthur says: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

King Arthur says: You make me sad.

King Arthur says: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot says: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur says: Consult the Book of Armaments!

Maynard says: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Minstrel + minor role says: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Minstrel + minor role says: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Maynard says: Skip a bit, brother...

Minstrel + minor role says: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Minstrel + minor role says: And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Maynard says: Amen.

King Arthur says: Right. One... two... five!

Sir Galahad says: Three, sir.

King Arthur says: Three!

Brian Called Brian says: Hello, Mother.

Mandy says: Don't you "hello mother" me! What're all those people doing out there? C'mon, what've you been up to, my lad?

Mandy says: Don't you 'hello mother' me! What're all those people doing out there? C'mon, what've you been up to, my lad?

Brian Called Brian says: I think they must've popped by, or something.

Mandy says: Popped by? Swarmed by, more like! There's a multitude out there!

Black Knight says: Right! I'll do you for that!

King Arthur says: You'll what?

Black Knight says: Come here!

King Arthur says: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Black Knight says: I am invincible!

King Arthur says: You're a loony!

Black Knight says: The Black Knights always triumph!

King Arthur says: Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?

Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--" says: Who sent you?

King Arthur says: The Knights Who Say Ni.

Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--" says: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.

King Arthur says: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.

Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--" says: Agh! Do your worst!

King Arthur says: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!

Old Crone to Whom King Arthur Said "Ni--" says: No! Never! No shrubberies!

King Arthur says: Ni!

Sir Bedevere says: Nu!

King Arthur says: No, no, no, no, it's not that. It's 'ni'.

Brian Called Brian says: Alright, I AM the messiah! Now, FUCK OFF!

King Arthur says: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!

Black Knight says: Yes I have.

King Arthur says: Look!

Black Knight says: Just a flesh wound.

Black Knight says: 'Tis but a scratch.

King Arthur says: A scratch!? Your arm's off!

Black Knight says: No, it isn't.

King Arthur says: Well, what's that then?!

Black Knight says: I've had worse.

King Arthur says: Old woman.

Dennis says: Man.

King Arthur says: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis says: I'm 37.

King Arthur says: What?

Dennis says: I'm 37. I'm not old.

King Arthur says: Well I can't just call you "man".

King Arthur says: Well I can't just call you 'man'.

Dennis says: Well you could say "Dennis".

Dennis says: Well you could say 'Dennis'.

King Arthur says: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

Dennis says: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?

King Arthur says: So, where is this beast?

Patsy/Soothsayer says: Don't you see it? It's there, right in front of you!

King Arthur says: What, he's in the cave behind that rabbit

King Arthur says: What, he's in the cave behind that rabbit.

Patsy/Soothsayer says: It is the rabbit!

King Arthur says: ... You silly sod!

King Arthur says: (having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs), well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy

King Arthur says: [having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs] Well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy

Black Knight says: (limbless and on the ground) Running away, eh? Come back here!! I'll bite your legs off!!

Black Knight says: [limbless and on the ground] Running away, eh? Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!

Revolutionary/Masked Commando says: Suicide squad... ATTACK!!! (whole group does hara-kiri) that'll show 'em, eh? (dies)

Revolutionary/Masked Commando says: Suicide squad... ATTACK! [whole group does hara-kiri] that'll show 'em, eh? [dies]

Brian Called Brian says: You silly sods...

French says: I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldeberries!

King Arthur says: Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?

French says: No! now go away away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Centurion says: Brian, "you don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody."

Brian Called Brian says: You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody.

King Arthur says: [after literally "disarming" the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!

King Arthur says: [after literally 'disarming' the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!

Black Knight says: 'Tis but a scratch.

King Arthur says: A scratch?! You're arm's off!

Black Knight says: No it isn't!

King Arthur says: [points to BK's arm on the ground] Well, what's that?

Black Knight says: I've had worse.

King Arthur says: You liar!

Black Knight says: Oh, come on, you pansy!

King Arthur says: [calling out to the battlements] Hello! Hello!

French says: Hallo? Who is it?

King Arthur says: It is King Arthur, and these are his Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?

French says: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.

King Arthur says: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.

French says: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'd be very keen. He's already got one you see?

King Arthur says: [puzzled] What?

Sir Galahad says: They said they already got one.

Sir Bedevere says: How do know so much about swallows?

King Arthur says: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

King Arthur says: I am your king.

Dennis's Mother says: Well I didn't vote for you.

King Arthur says: You don't vote for kings.

Dennis's Mother says: Well how'd you become king then?

King Arthur says: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis says: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Who goes there?

King Arthur says: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Pull the other one!

King Arthur says: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: What? Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur says: Yes!

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur says: What?

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur says: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur says: We found them.

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur says: What do you mean?

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Well, this is a temperate zone.

King Arthur says: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur says: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur says: It could grip it by the husk!

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur says: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur says: Please!

1st Soldier with a Keen Interest in Birds says: Am I right?

Black Knight says: I'll have you for that!

King Arthur says: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

King Arthur says: On second thought lets NOT go to Camelot, tis a silly place

King Arthur says: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

King Arthur says: to Black knigh: tWhat are you going to do, bleed on me?

Black Knight says: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

King Arthur says: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis says: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

King Arthur says: That Rabbit's Dynamite!!

Brian Called Brian says: You don't need to follow me! You don't need to follow anybody! You got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals! You're all different!

Man says: I'm not...