David Hiltbrand

David Hiltbrand
Tomatometer-approved critic

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
38% The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) OK, they squeezed one more lap out of this franchise. It's been a fun ride, but it's time to shut things down. If you get my drift. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 16, 2006
3/4 92% Dave Chappelle's Block Party (2006) No one enjoys the free festivities more than Chappelle, who wanders through the film like a kid on Christmas morning. A very funny kid. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 3, 2006
2/4 43% Final Destination 3 (2006) All we can say is: Death be not proud. If you have to work this hard to take down these dim-witted kids, you don't deserve to be a cosmic force. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 9, 2006
2.5/4 17% Underworld: Evolution (2006) A monster chiller sequel that is visually spectacular but rather overburdened with story. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 26, 2006
2.5/4 6% Big Momma's House 2 (2006) BMH2 is a harmless, genial outing, a comedy that is amusing without ever rising to the level of funny. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 26, 2006
2/4 56% Glory Road (2006) Viewed as a re-creation of a watershed moment, Glory Road is sturdy, efficient, perhaps even worthy. Taken as cinema, however, it falls far short of inspiring. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 12, 2006
2/4 28% Fun With Dick and Jane (2005) Remarkably redundant. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 21, 2005
19% Graffiti Bridge (1990) The meaning of this clumsy cinematic conundrum is anyone's guess. - People Magazine EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 6, 2005
1/4 19% Doom (2005) [A] dark, violent, nerve-wracking, trigger-giddy waste of time. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 6, 2005
1/4 9% Aeon Flux (2005) We know it's the future because everyone has the most ridiculous hairdos. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 5, 2005
2.5/4 42% Just Friends (2005) Thanks to director Roger Kumble's breathless pacing, Just Friends manages to outrun most of its flaws. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 23, 2005
1/4 37% Saw II (2005) This is entertainment? - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 27, 2005
2/4 88% Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon 3D (2005) One of the astronauts describes his excitement during the lunar mission as 'like a kid playing in a sandbox.' Unfortunately, that could also sum up the film's visual content. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 23, 2005
1/4 11% Venom (2005) As unconvincing and unrealistic as one of those ridiculous made-for-cable 'horror' films on USA Network, the kind starring Tom Wopat or Timothy Busfield. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 15, 2005
1.5/4 12% Stealth (2005) If Stealth were a recruitment film for aircraft-carrier duty, one would be tempted to say, 'Mission accomplished.' As a feature film, it's a washout. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 28, 2005
2/4 53% The Devil's Rejects (2005) There is no anchor to this madness. The authorities are just as psychotic and sadistic as the villains. Everyone on TV is a polyester buffoon. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 21, 2005
2/4 64% Heights (2005) Heights manages to make the lives of all these beautiful people seem quite tedious. Despite their accomplishments, the only thing they seem suited for is hailing cabs. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 7, 2005
3/4 74% Land of the Dead (2005) After a 20-year hiatus, George A. Romero, who practically invented his own creepy cinematic genre with 1968's Dawn of the Living Dead and its sequels, returns with his most ingenious and ambitious zombie film yet. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 23, 2005
2.5/4 41% Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005) This remake is about half of a very likable film. But in movies (as in auto races) it isn't how you start, it's how you finish. And Herbie should have kept something in the tank for the late going. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 22, 2005
1/4 13% The Honeymooners (2005) Not only an insult to the original, it should be shown at film schools as proof of how pointless a movie can be. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 9, 2005
2/4 65% Unleashed (2005) Picture Of Mice and Men remade for the smash-mouth set and you have Unleashed. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted May 12, 2005
2.5/4 26% House of Wax (2005) House of Wax is a sturdy and cohesive representative of what tends to be a flimsy and tawdry B-movie genre. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted May 5, 2005
1.5/4 47% Death of a Dynasty (2003) There is a funny movie to be made from the outrageous egos and excesses of rap music. Death of a Dynasty is not that movie. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 28, 2005
17% xXx: State of the Union (2005) The plot swings between pathetically implausible and aggressively stupid. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 28, 2005
2/4 23% The Amityville Horror (2005) Despite Andrew Douglas' tightly focused direction, this is a cheap, calculated scare. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 14, 2005
1/4 14% State Property 2 (2005) Dash can't decide whether he's making New Jack City or Friday. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 14, 2005
3/4 84% Aliens of the Deep (2005) The experience is so immediate and immersive that you actually feel as if you are swimming with the krill. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 1, 2005
1/4 33% Malevolence (2004) If ever a movie deserved to go directly to DVD, it's this dreary horror treatment. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 24, 2005
3/4 20% The Ring Two (2005) The Ring Two is subtler and slower-moving than the brand of horror to which we are accustomed, but it is nightmarish, in the true sense of the word. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 17, 2005
1.5/4 13% Boogeyman (2005) A vaporous and vacuous horror film. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 19, 2005
1/4 1% Alone in the Dark (2005) Never trust a movie that opens with a written introduction scrolling by that's longer than the collected works of Tom Clancy. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 28, 2005
2/4 49% Saw (2004) The film is a squeamish exercise, like watching a cruel child pull the wings off flies. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 28, 2004
1/4 27% Wicker Park (2004) Feel free to take a leisurely stroll out to the lobby for Swedish fish in the middle of Wicker Park. Missing 10 minutes won't affect your ability to follow this babel in the least. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 19, 2004
1.5/4 21% AVP - Alien Vs. Predator (2004) Anderson ... seems so pleased with the fact that he came up with a thinly plausible pretext for this clash of the popcorn titans that he didn't bother to develop the characters or fashion a plot with any suspense. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 16, 2004
2/4 19% Thunderbirds (2004) Why an actor of Kingsley's stature would sign on for this hack work is a mystery. - San Jose Mercury News EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 29, 2004
2.5/4 15% White Chicks (2004) The film's saccharine ending is something of a letdown as the guys' time in high heels teaches them sensitivity and brings them true love. But for most of its raucous run, White Chicks has soul. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 23, 2004
1.5/4 70% Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story (2004) A lazy, flabby waste. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 17, 2004
1.5/4 26% Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius (2004) Plays out much like a round of golf -- slow, old-fashioned, tediously long, and lacking in drama. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 30, 2004
2/4 58% Sacred Planet (2004) An Imax feature that is dazzling yet superfluous. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 29, 2004
2/4 29% The Punisher (2004) For such a formulaic vigilante film, The Punisher has a far better cast than it deserves. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 15, 2004
1.5/4 26% Walking Tall (2004) A dull, drab and pointless rehash, Walking Tall ironically manages to diminish the Rock's stature as both a leading man and an action star. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 2, 2004
3/4 75% Dawn of the Dead (2004) A surprisingly touching parable of community and the human spirit -- a terribly scary parable with a ridiculously high body count. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 18, 2004
2.5/4 61% NASCAR: The IMAX Experience (2004) If the words 'Gentlemen, start your engines' set your heart pounding, this is the Imax experience for you. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 11, 2004
2/4 14% Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004) Muniz is quite winning as a plucky teen who is constantly being thrown into situations over his head. But the usually reliable Anthony Anderson e-mails in his performance as Cody's handler. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 11, 2004
1.5/4 47% Eurotrip (2003) It's Porky's with passports. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 19, 2004
1/4 14% You Got Served (2004) Rarely do you encounter a movie without a shred of originality. You Got Served is such a cinematic vacuum. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 29, 2004
1.5/4 23% Torque (2004) Torque is a vacuous variation on an old beer slogan: Looks great, less filling. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 16, 2004
3/4 82% Bugs! (2003) It's worth seeing just for the extraordinary time-lapse footage of the caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 15, 2004
2.5/4 76% Peter Pan (2003) Hogan's shimmering vision of Peter Pan is rewardingly sumptuous and faithful. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 25, 2003
2.5/4 13% The Haunted Mansion (2003) Vivid and unimaginative. - Philadelphia Inquirer EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 25, 2003