Austin Powers in Goldmember Reviews
They make a desperate attempt to fashion a story around these lame jokes, but it is horribly constructed. Part of the issue is that they have a huge ensemble of familiar characters that they feel the need to keep bringing back, and they also feel compelled to introduce new characters to the point that there's not enough screen-time for anyone. I lost track after less than 20 minutes of what they intended to be the main story of the film. Was it something to do with Goldmember, or was it Dr. Evil's daddy issues, or something about Austin's father, or Mini Me competing with Scott for Evil's attention, or a movie being made about Austin, and what did Beyonce have to do with any of this? It's like the writers sat in a room and brainstormed a bunch of ideas, then just used that list of random ideas as the script instead of actually taking time to make it all into a real movie.
I'm just glad that this was so far removed from anything James Bond related that I don't feel like it reflects on that franchise that I love. The first two kind of had some fun playing with tropes in spy movies of the past, but this one isn't smart enough for that kind of satire. I struggle to think of anything in Goldmember that even remotely resembles Goldfinger, the movie it clearly is aiming at with its title. The other saving grace of Goldmember is that it actually got me to laugh a couple of times. Most of the humor is about as lazy as you could possibly imagine, but every once in awhile they'd surprise me with something that was actually clever and I'd have at least a chuckle. It's a small consolation in this movie that (rightfully) sunk it's franchise. I found Goldmember so distasteful that it made me reluctant to go back and watch the other Austin Powers movies for fear that my original impression of them was wrong and they are actually as bad as this one.
Oh noo you was just watching it for the jokes.
That is what i did.
The attempts at plot and character twists only makes this one feel more desperate.
But the movie does have some redeeming qualities. Firstly, Michael Caine is superb as Austin's spy dad, Nigel - basically Harry Palmer as an old perv. Also, Beyonce (when she was merely a star, rather than the supermegauberstar she is today) is very good as badass blaxploitation chick Foxxy Cleopatra, and her Goldmember medley is pretty damn funny ('He got the Midas touch, and he touched it too much...'). Plus, the movie contains one of my favourite visual gags of all time - 'One of us needs to stand on the other one's shoulders' - AND one of my favourite one-liners of all time - 'There are two kinds of people in this world I can't stand...'
Plus, we FINALLY get to see some frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. And that's all we ever asked for, right?