Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Critics Consensus

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80%

TOMATOMETER

Total Count: 10

58%

Audience Score

User Ratings: 8,217
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Movie Info

Forget that hack Van Helsing, for true extermination of the fanged undead believers turn to the one and only sandaled slayer, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Having returned to Earth for the eagerly anticipated Second Coming, Jesus finds his bid to judge the living interrupted by a horde of angry bloodsuckers who possess the ability to walk in daylight. Of course even Jesus needs a hand now and then when it comes to battling the legions of the undead, and Mexican wrestling hero El Santo is more than eager to pitch in and do his part to ensure a safe Judgment Day. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

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Critic Reviews for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

All Critics (10) | Fresh (8) | Rotten (2)

Audience Reviews for Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

  • Nov 19, 2012
    With a title like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter you would at least expect the movie to be somewhat entertaining, right? Wrong! Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is low budget film-making at its worst without any appeal. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter plot is self explained in the title; which is all the explanation you will ever get. For starter, the film biggest problem is that the movie won't shut up! There is rarely a moment of silence in the film and the movie soundtrack is terrible. There is literally a song in this movie that literally just repeats "Do-Dat-Do-Dat-Doodliy-Dee-Be-Boo-Bop" for three minutes. The film has no plot to speak off. Scenes go nowhere and the rare minimal dialogue does nothing to explain what is going on. The writing here is just utter nonsense with no rhythm and a absence of continuity. Why did Jesus Christ have a pointless musical number revealing his presence on Earth? Why did God communicate with Jesus via cherry ice-scream? What is famous Mexican wrestler El Santo doing in this movie? Why does El Santo have no accent? How did Jesus Christ kill vampires with light even though the movie establish these vampire are immune to light? I have no answers to any of the following questions and neither does the movie for that matter. It's utter nonsense in a form of a very stupid movie that will even have the truest of believer doubting its existence. My major problem with the film, aside from no plot and a terrible soundtrack, is everything else. The fight scenes are poorly choreographed and are very, very, very, very slow. It takes these actors around eight seconds to punch someone and another eight or twenty to decide to hit back. One of the most ridiculous scene in the movie has Jesus Christ beating up around forty aesthesis who all just so happen to fit in a small van. The acting is....non existent. No one even puts an effort in their role let alone even change their facial expression. Also to all film makers everywhere, no one wants to see man who's dress like a woman, in lingerie, flirting and kissing Jesus Christ goodnight with horror music playing in the scene. Yes everything is done poorly intentionally, but it works against the film itself. It has no charm to it and just comes out a lazy film making without any passion in it. The only redeeming quality about this movie is that it's short, but it'll likely feel like an eternity due to the lack of enjoyment this provides. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is pointless, lacks dialogue for 90 percent of it duration, contains a terrible soundtrack that rarely stops, and a lack of enjoyment for the viewer. We might not be able to prove Jesus Christ existence, but we could at least pretend the low budget abomination that is Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is non-existence.
    Caesar M Super Reviewer
  • Feb 04, 2012
    Set in Ottawa, Canada, the title says it all really, and so the dance number interestingly comes as no surprise. Everything here is half baked, on purpose, and it loses steam in the second half. You will wonder how your mom and dad feel about what you are actually doing with the life provided you. Its that bad.
    Kevin M. W Super Reviewer
  • Jan 21, 2011
    The Son of God brings retired Mexican wrestler El Santo out of retirement to fight vampires who prey exclusively on lesbians. Delivers a few chuckles and nicely absurd moments, but not that many more than you get from the title and a one line plot synopsis. Not terrible, surprisingly, but needed one more musical number to put it over the top.
    Greg S Super Reviewer
  • Nov 09, 2009
    Oh my... XD. This b movie is so seriously bad, it's seriously good. It's one of the funniest weirdest film I've ever watched. It seriously made me laugh so I have decided to make it a 3 star film. This film was made in 2000 but the set design, film quality was of the '70s. That I believe is a success. Lee really made the whole thing look like it was made in the '70s. You want to hate this film but at the same time it gives you the inner guilty pleasure and fun. "Let's get on with the conversions!"
    Jojo S Super Reviewer

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