Reviews

  • Nov 08, 2015

    There was absolutely no way I couldn't see this film. I'd heard so much about it, from scathing written reviews to a hilariously sardonic critique by The Cinema Snob. Even if I knew it would be as horrendous as everyone said it was, my curiosity compelled me to watch it. I can now safely join the detractors in saying that Nukie is bad; really really bad. I wouldn't say it's the worst I've ever seen, but there certainly isn't anything in it to recommend or enjoy. The story is utterly nonsensical with gaping holes of logic, the dialogue is flat, as is every actor's delivery, to the point where they may as well all be replaced with robots. Nothing in it is fun or exciting, and despite being a children's film it's wildly inappropriate for them, containing scenes of torture, death and a lot of wallowing in misery. It would be too long and painful to watch at 60 minutes, but at 100 it's practically soul-crushing. It's not the worst film I've ever seen, though it's somewhere close. There's been films that have bored, annoyed and repulsed me more, but Nukie is still a dull, uninspired, depressing and incompetent piece of cinematic refuse that ought never to see the light of day.

    There was absolutely no way I couldn't see this film. I'd heard so much about it, from scathing written reviews to a hilariously sardonic critique by The Cinema Snob. Even if I knew it would be as horrendous as everyone said it was, my curiosity compelled me to watch it. I can now safely join the detractors in saying that Nukie is bad; really really bad. I wouldn't say it's the worst I've ever seen, but there certainly isn't anything in it to recommend or enjoy. The story is utterly nonsensical with gaping holes of logic, the dialogue is flat, as is every actor's delivery, to the point where they may as well all be replaced with robots. Nothing in it is fun or exciting, and despite being a children's film it's wildly inappropriate for them, containing scenes of torture, death and a lot of wallowing in misery. It would be too long and painful to watch at 60 minutes, but at 100 it's practically soul-crushing. It's not the worst film I've ever seen, though it's somewhere close. There's been films that have bored, annoyed and repulsed me more, but Nukie is still a dull, uninspired, depressing and incompetent piece of cinematic refuse that ought never to see the light of day.

  • Jun 06, 2012

    worse than Badi. Not a case where it's ,so bad it's good.

    worse than Badi. Not a case where it's ,so bad it's good.

  • Jun 02, 2012

    Arguably even worse than Badi.

    Arguably even worse than Badi.

  • May 27, 2012

    An ugly, miserable and terrible "E.T." clone that should have been nuked. I'm going as far as one of THE WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN!

    An ugly, miserable and terrible "E.T." clone that should have been nuked. I'm going as far as one of THE WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN!

  • May 06, 2012

    I watched this movie on a dare. It still haunts my dreams.

    I watched this movie on a dare. It still haunts my dreams.

  • Nov 24, 2011

    Nukie is one of those movies that do not make sense. An alien who has abilities that can help him find his brother,yet he can not find his brother. It makes you wonder if the alien is retarded. A movie that everybody speaks English, and doesn't explain why all the characters talk in English. The acting disappears and reappears like a ghost. the fine thing about this movie is that the camera is not at an angle or jittery other than that this is one of the worst ET rip offs.

    Nukie is one of those movies that do not make sense. An alien who has abilities that can help him find his brother,yet he can not find his brother. It makes you wonder if the alien is retarded. A movie that everybody speaks English, and doesn't explain why all the characters talk in English. The acting disappears and reappears like a ghost. the fine thing about this movie is that the camera is not at an angle or jittery other than that this is one of the worst ET rip offs.

  • Mar 26, 2011

    One of the worst movies "EVER" made!

    One of the worst movies "EVER" made!

  • Feb 23, 2011

    This one of the worst movies ever. its 99 minutes of a deformed yam wandering around africa (the ugly part) saying the same word over and over again. So bad its just bad.

    This one of the worst movies ever. its 99 minutes of a deformed yam wandering around africa (the ugly part) saying the same word over and over again. So bad its just bad.

  • Mar 15, 2010

    im watching this movie right now .. its pretty fucking bad .. and whats worse it is shittier then mac and me which was a crappy ripoff of E.T. will write more when im done

    im watching this movie right now .. its pretty fucking bad .. and whats worse it is shittier then mac and me which was a crappy ripoff of E.T. will write more when im done

  • Mar 01, 2010

    Ow. "Nukie" is essentially what you'd get if "E.T." and "Milo & Otis" had a baby, and that baby ended up being head-bashingly retarded. But even as painfully stupid as this movie is, it would've been at least somewhat improved, had they actually -shown- us that stupidity. As it stands though, this is a textbook example of the difference between showing and telling. The distinction between the two is one of the first things that gets hammered into your head in any creative media class, and if you need any explanation as to why, "Nukie" should clear up any confusion on the matter. But I suppose I'm kinda beating around the proverbial bush here, focusing on little details but not going into depth about just what makes "Nukie" one of the most painful moviegoing experiences of my life. Well, I drew a comparison to "E.T." earlier, so let's build off that. Imagine if the titular character had the IQ of a lima bean, never shut up, and was actually kind of an asshole. Now imagine two of them. In an experience that lasts for over an hour and a half. Hell, half the dialog is one dumpy alien calling out the other's name to the point where even Kagome from "Inuyasha" would cry foul. Okay, so we've got a pair of main characters who are the walking embodiment of fingernails on a chalkboard. What else? Well, that's only the beginning of the parade of irritation; just wait 'til the animals start talking--or better (worse?) yet, that damned computer. (Bonus points if you guessed that the computer would learn the power of love before the movie's done.) That last bit in parentheses may have you thinking that the plot is a bit cliche. Well, that would probably be true, if it followed any decent narrative structure, and wasn't full of holes so massive that by all rights they should be considered singularities. I could go on, but really, all you need to know to stay far, FAR away from this movie. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad," you might be saying. And you could probably say the same thing about LSD. Then the next thing you know, you're waking up in a drainage ditch somewhere, wearing a dress that doesn't even fit you, and smeared with feces that you can only hope is your own. Yes, "Nukie" is THAT bad.

    Ow. "Nukie" is essentially what you'd get if "E.T." and "Milo & Otis" had a baby, and that baby ended up being head-bashingly retarded. But even as painfully stupid as this movie is, it would've been at least somewhat improved, had they actually -shown- us that stupidity. As it stands though, this is a textbook example of the difference between showing and telling. The distinction between the two is one of the first things that gets hammered into your head in any creative media class, and if you need any explanation as to why, "Nukie" should clear up any confusion on the matter. But I suppose I'm kinda beating around the proverbial bush here, focusing on little details but not going into depth about just what makes "Nukie" one of the most painful moviegoing experiences of my life. Well, I drew a comparison to "E.T." earlier, so let's build off that. Imagine if the titular character had the IQ of a lima bean, never shut up, and was actually kind of an asshole. Now imagine two of them. In an experience that lasts for over an hour and a half. Hell, half the dialog is one dumpy alien calling out the other's name to the point where even Kagome from "Inuyasha" would cry foul. Okay, so we've got a pair of main characters who are the walking embodiment of fingernails on a chalkboard. What else? Well, that's only the beginning of the parade of irritation; just wait 'til the animals start talking--or better (worse?) yet, that damned computer. (Bonus points if you guessed that the computer would learn the power of love before the movie's done.) That last bit in parentheses may have you thinking that the plot is a bit cliche. Well, that would probably be true, if it followed any decent narrative structure, and wasn't full of holes so massive that by all rights they should be considered singularities. I could go on, but really, all you need to know to stay far, FAR away from this movie. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad," you might be saying. And you could probably say the same thing about LSD. Then the next thing you know, you're waking up in a drainage ditch somewhere, wearing a dress that doesn't even fit you, and smeared with feces that you can only hope is your own. Yes, "Nukie" is THAT bad.