Private Wars Reviews

  • Sep 17, 2008

    Well, with an average of 4.5 from 2 reviews, I have to balance the books. This is an absolutely-hilarious turd of a movie. You will laugh: only if you've been drinking heavily. The dialogue comes out of a Corn Flakes packet; witness the pause before each line, as the "actor" reads the cue card, before delivering the perfect stilted cliché. Stuart Whitman, surely blackmailing the producer, is horrendously unconvincing as a Steven Segal wannabe (yes, *Steven Seagal* wannabe). Meanwhile, the DVD cover (I was *lent* this, btw, by my crazy dad) makes comparisons with The Magnificent Seven and The Seven Samurai... That's like comparing Nora Batty to Laeticia Casta! Avoid... unless you're drunk (then still avoid unless you've no choice).

    Well, with an average of 4.5 from 2 reviews, I have to balance the books. This is an absolutely-hilarious turd of a movie. You will laugh: only if you've been drinking heavily. The dialogue comes out of a Corn Flakes packet; witness the pause before each line, as the "actor" reads the cue card, before delivering the perfect stilted cliché. Stuart Whitman, surely blackmailing the producer, is horrendously unconvincing as a Steven Segal wannabe (yes, *Steven Seagal* wannabe). Meanwhile, the DVD cover (I was *lent* this, btw, by my crazy dad) makes comparisons with The Magnificent Seven and The Seven Samurai... That's like comparing Nora Batty to Laeticia Casta! Avoid... unless you're drunk (then still avoid unless you've no choice).