The Red Turtle (La tortue rouge) Reviews
The character gets mindfucked by nature, till his death. Nature has a purpose though for the mindfucking. In real life, nature does mindfuck everything. With more distractions it can get difficult to notice the mindfucks nature enacts. However nature mindfucks everything. Leads me to believe perhaps everything that exists in existence mindfucks. Hopefully it has a good reason to.
I'm generally of the opinion that if the best thing that you can say about a movie is that it is "Brave", then it is not a good movie. Drunk driving is pretty "Brave", but I certainly don't admire anyone who does it. Except Tony Stark.
The Red Turtle is drunk driving. It is done for convenience, it often seems to be aimless, and it's dangerous; If you consider how close this movie gets to endorsing Bestiality. By the way, most of the people who rated this movie 5 stars? They just want to get some of that sweet turtle poo-tang.
Really, The Red Turtle wants to be a serious film. It tries very hard. It almost makes it I would say. But, as it may surprise you to learn, a movie that makes it a point to have no dialogue and tries to sell itself on this point turns out to be incredibly pretentious. And also lazy.
Spoilers ahead. Don't worry though, it's not worth watching. Or at least, you should know what you're in for.
So this guy is stranded on an island. Great. Animations great, art is great, the funny little crabs are great. Everything's great. Well. it's alright. I really like survival movies and movies about isolation. So this movie was in my good graces from the start. The man makes a little life for himself in the island paradise, and starts to build himself a raft.
When he takes the raft out to sea, he only gets maybe a mile out from shore before something destroys his boat. Mysterious. I mean, we all know it's the red turtle, but they don't show us yet. It's interesting enough to string you along.
He goes to make another boat, and takes it out again. Same thing. Exact same thing. I mean, I Get the rule of three, but you need to have him like dive under the water and try to stop it right away. I'm not here to watch dumb schmuck's amateur survival. If that's what I wanted I'd watch Man Vs. Wild.
Anyways, third time's the charm. Oh not really, boat gets destroyed, again. Surprise surprise, and I thought this was a movie about a guy getting stranded on an island and making it off within the first half hour. Silly me.
At least this time he goes under the boat to see what is happening, lo and behold, it's a fucking giant red angry throbbing turtle. And it bites his head off.
No, I'm kidding. It kinda stares him down, mad doggin' him, ya know? Then it swims away. Then nameless sad beard man swims back to shore.
Ok, I actually really like this next scene. He see's the turtle coming onto shore, he runs down to the beach, and attacks it. He get's pissed, scream, breaks bamboo over it's fuckin' head, I mean, it's like the printer scene from office space. Then he flips the turtle, on it's back! Then he leaves it there all day. All god damn day. Lying on it's back, baking in the sun.
This bearded dude is stone cold.
So you can tell eventually he starts to feel bad for it, then tries to pour water on the turtle, and flip it back over. No use. The turtles shell cracks in a magnificent thunderous sound that breaks your heart, and the turtle is clearly dead.
Then later he comes back and there's a lady lying in the empty turtle shell.
So at first their relationship is tenuous, and there is no establishment of trust, she just kind of walks around and looks at things. But they get to talking, then doing other things, and he guy never builds his boat, he just enjoys paradise with this fine woman.
I love this movie so far. And here is where, like life, it takes a turn for the worse because they had a kid.
Seriously, what better way than to suck all the life out of this movie than to add a child? Now everything is about watching the kid grow up, and family time, and all this other horse shit. Admittedly, there is a pretty cool part where the kid falls into the same hole his dad fell into before. However, it was much better when it was his dad, because his dad was alone and we didn't know if there was a way out of the hole. The second time, when this kid fell in the hole, his mom and dad were right there! And they just told him to swim out, and we knew immediately he would be fine, because his dad was able to squeeze through the little hole, and his dad was at least twice the kids size when he did it. Seriously, at least let the kid be alone when it happens, and make him find out for himself how to get out, and add some actual tension to the scene. Seriously.
So next there's a tidal wave. The water starts receding from the beach like crazy and there's a line on the horizon. So what does our hero, the valiant man do? He sits there, and stares at it, like a cow staring at an oncoming train, or a chicken staring up at the sky with it's mouth open until it drowns. Even turtle lady, who you would think would be more in-tune with this kind of thing, being a magical animal that turned into a human, just sits there and stares too. The kid is just off being dumb like normal. Oh, I forgot to mention, the kid has sea turtle friends at this point. Like, the sea turtles give him a lift if he needs it, I think. I don't know, this movie is weird.
So anyways, after about twenty minutes of build up and some of the most long and inappropriate gazes since twilight, we finally see that it's a tidal wave. Oh no! Everyone run! Wait no, they still don't run. They sit there, and look scared. Great. Did I mention there is a giant hill in the middle of the island where they would presumably be safe? Anyways, five minutes after they see the tidal wave, he slowly starts to run, kind of like a running zombie that is only just starting to get a little excited, but with his head turned toward the tidal waive, assumingly to gauge if he really needs to run that fast, or if he can kind of half ass it and still get away.
Turns out, he had no chance, due to the large amount of time trying to stare down the tidal waive into submission. Turns out, not a great strategy. But it's OK, because tidal waves don't hurt you, they just kind of push you, really really far. Like, miles away out into the ocean. Luckily for him, his sons magic turtle friends had placed a turtle tracker inside his spine years ago, just in case that bitch ever tried to build a boat and leave the island again. So his son climbs aboard the turtles, because they couldn't just go pick him up themselves I guess.
The family is reunited, and everybody happy again. The son asks his mom if any of the other turtles could turn into beautiful women for him, but she advises him that it's a total turtle sausage fest down there, and not the kind that involves pizza, dude. So he decides to enroll in turtle college, so he can meet some actual turtle babes out there, and he and his turtle friends head off.
Then the main character dies of old age after they've lived a full life. The turtle lady is sad. Then, in the slowest, most predictable, most uncomfortable and pretentious matter, she turns back into a red turtle, and swims back into the ocean.
So, this is a piece of garbage. Anyone who likes this movie has no respect for animation, art, substance, or the human race. I stand by this statement. I can't believe this movie was nominated for an Oscar.
Movie Review: The Red Turtle
Date Viewed: January 31 2017
Directed By Michael Dudok de Wit
Written By Michael Dudok de Wit and Pascale Ferran
"The Red Turtle" would certainly make you want to live in a tropical island. It is a beautifully animated film that's really short and has very little dialogue. It's about a nameless man who gets shipwrecked on an island where he amazingly discovers a big red turtle. You may think that it's just a dialogue-free story about a man who explores a friendship with a red turtle but "The Red Turtle" is much more than that.
After getting washed ashore on the tropical island, the nameless man tries building a raft from bamboo in an attempt to escape from the island but the raft gets destroyed by an unknown creature. He tries a few more attempts to escape but even building bigger rafts aren't enough to stop the creature which the man discovers is a red turtle. Why does the red turtle not want the man to leave the island?
One evening, the angry and frustrated man sees the red turtle on the beach so he flips it over on its back and he hits the turtle in the head with a bamboo stick. When the man is halfway through in building another raft, he starts to feel guilty about his actions against the turtle so he catches a fish and gives it to the turtle but he discovers that he has died.
Suddenly, the turtle's shell starts to split open and to the man's surprise, the turtle miraculously turns into a woman. Since they are the only two humans on the island, the man and the woman form a relationship and they have a child together. As the years go by, the man grows more adjusted to the island and his son has grown into a fine young man as he discovers more red turtles in the ocean.
I would've liked to know more about the red turtle and the whole array of red turtles that are living in the ocean but nevertheless, director and co-writer Michael Dudok de Wit has crafted a lavishing and eloquent animated film. Produced by Studio Ghibli, the same animated division that delivered Hayao Miyazaki's animated classics such as "Princess Mononoke" and "Spirited Away", "The Red Turtle" is a quiet and moving animated film with beautiful island imagery and a rich musical score.
Even if it's not your kind of animated film, I still say you should see "The Red Turtle" even though it has no talking and is very short (80 minutes long).
it's 7|10 levels of alright, which is the best alright can get but it's stil not good.
While it definitely has somethings going for it like a strong story and likable characters, but it also has some things that are not that great like the bad animation and the conceptually uninteresting characters.
This is definitely a good time for Ghibli fans and people who want something more unique than your average animated feature.