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Criminy Pete

Criminy Pete's reviews do not count toward the Tomatometer®. This is not a Tomatometer-approved critic, and this critic's reviews are not published on a Tomatometer-approved publication.
Biography:

Berlin, 1941. A dark, stormy night, and my bar and grill isn't as jumpin' as it normally gets, being the only place in town the Nazis aren't crawling all over like a baby in pudding. Tumbleweeds blowin' all through the place, an ol' Two-Gun Swackhammer and Deadeye Stoopnagle are at the bar, knockin' back whiskeys like their mothers wuz on the lam. If ya ever had the misfortune o' lookin' at those two knotheads, ya know you won't find an uglier pair o' mugs in all tha galaxy. Even that Wookiee planet. After watchin' those two mooks gargle with the scotch fer an hour, I went ta take a walk. An' that's when she walked in. A tall drink o' water with a million-dollar smile and a yours-for-a-favor booty, dressed to the nines in a white, sequined number with a low back and a high hem. She didn't have to ask me twice. I took her home, we ate some cake, had some of the none-o-your-beeswax and shuffled off to Buffalo in a 57 Chevy with a palomino dashboard and thirty-inch fins, oh yeah. If it weren't for that slobberknocker up on Thunder Road, a guy like me mighta pulled off the upset against the odds o' findin' the life everybody wants. Wasn't to be. Guys like me don't get to cheat fate. We don't dodge destiny's bullet. Come flyin' outta the womb like a bat outta hell, then spend the next handful o' decades slidin' downhill til we hit the ol' blank headstone. Ghost of Christmas Past, my patoot.

Favorites:

Movies I Love: The Shawshank Redemption, High Fidelity, The Iron Giant, Spider-Man, Die Hard, Robocop, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, South Park, Life Is Beautiful, Affliction, D.C. Cab, The Jerk, Run Ronnie Run, Memento, Ghost World, In The Bedroom. Yes, the gamut is run.

Location:

That's Cr-EYE-min-ee Pete. Not 'Crimminee' Pete.

Official Website:

http://www.amazing-colossal.com

Reviews

Movies TV Shows
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) 75% 3.8/4 BM EDIT “This movie was perhaps a smidge away from being a blast. It IS, however, an entertaining yukfest.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 29, 2004 Full Review Spider-Man 2 (2004) 93% 3.7/4 EDIT “It's really going to send people out of the theaters with 'wows' on their lips. Or maybe 'hot damns.' Perhaps 'hotchee-wawas.'” – CriminyPete.com Jun 29, 2004 Full Review The Terminal (2004) 61% 3/4 GM EDIT “A reasonably enjoyable film overall, but I came out of the theater thinking it was "cute." This tends to mean "Not very interesting, but at least I'm not angry."” – CriminyPete.com Jun 16, 2004 Full Review Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 72% 3.8/4 BM EDIT “It's not a good movie by any means, but it's well aware of that fact, and periodically takes advantage of it.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 16, 2004 Full Review Falling Down (1993) 75% 3/5 EDIT “Michael Douglas, before he became kinda annoying.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 10, 2004 Full Review Nashville (1975) 89% 3/5 EDIT “Not bad, but a bit arduous. Tedious.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 10, 2004 Full Review Pump Up the Volume (1990) 80% 4/5 EDIT “This movie is why everyone is disappointed with the rest of Christian Slater's career.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 10, 2004 Full Review The Matrix Revolutions (2003) 33% **.9 BM EDIT “The entire film is basically a video game. Painfully obviously a video game. I swear, when the sentinel things came pouring into Zion, I wanted to start mashing the X button.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 10, 2004 Full Review Lost in Translation (2003) 95% 3.8/4 EDIT “It's a beautiful movie, it's elegantly shot and, apparently as intended, it makes a great postcard for Tokyo.” – CriminyPete.com Oct 12, 2003 Full Review Freddy vs. Jason (2003) 42% 3/4 EDIT “Overall, the movie's pretty fun, maybe an inch or two shy of being a total blast.” – CriminyPete.com Aug 20, 2003 Full Review Pink Flamingos (1972) 84% 0/5 EDIT “” – CriminyPete.com Jun 26, 2003 Full Review Hulk (2003) 63% 3.7/4 EDIT “Ang Lee has done a remarkable job in creating a moody, quiet and foreboding comic book movie - not something you get a lot of in the slam-bang age.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 26, 2003 Full Review The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 74% 1.8/4 EDIT “Two words: Empty Spectacle.” – CriminyPete.com Jun 9, 2003 Full Review Irréversible (2002) 60% 3.2/4 EDIT “It ain't a date movie, but it's worth watching if you're in a pissy mood and you want to justify your distaste for humanity.” – CriminyPete.com May 7, 2003 Full Review The Pianist (2002) 95% 3.8/4 EDIT “It's a captivating film that can be uncomfortable to watch, but I couldn't turn away.” – CriminyPete.com Mar 31, 2003 Full Review Head of State (2003) 29% 2.9/4 EDIT “The film still manages to entertain, even if it doesn't really enlighten.” – CriminyPete.com Mar 31, 2003 Full Review Daredevil (2003) 42% 3.3/4 EDIT “The uninitiated into nerddom will cry foul that this is Spider-Man crossed with Batman and sprinkled with The Crow. Buuuuuut... that's kinda what Daredevil is. However, combining three really cool things rarely results in something uncool.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 14, 2003 Full Review Masked and Anonymous (2003) 26% 2.7/4 EDIT “It's all very confusing and, shall we say, "open to interpretation." It's a hard film to get into and an even harder film to like, but I can't dismiss a movie featuring John Goodman out of hand, even if it might be a pretense festival.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review Buffalo Soldiers (2001) 73% 3/4 EDIT “It's an enjoyable film, if not really knockdown hilarious or colossally incisive.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review Eddie Griffin: Dysfunktional Family (2003) 43% 2/4 EDIT “There's all this buildup about how Eddie was "always a bright kid," but then every time he heads for some intelligent stuff, there's always a quick swerve into dumb stuff.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review 28 Days Later (2002) 87% 3.7/4 EDIT “This movie starts off with a pretty big bang and just does NOT let up with the tension.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review Pieces of April (2003) 83% 3.2/4 EDIT “The film took my skepticism as a challenge and nailed me by the end, getting me a little misty-eyed at the simple honesty and bittersweetness of the story.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review Open Hearts (2002) 93% 3.8/4 EDIT “It creates a lot of honest emotional confusion that leads to legitimate gut-twinges.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review Laurel Canyon (2002) 68% 3/4 EDIT “Maybe I'm not even supposed to believe these people are real characters, this being Los Angeles and all, the land of the falsehood.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review The Shape of Things (2003) 64% 3.1/4 EDIT “It left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, but there's enough interesting stuff going on here to make it worth checking out.” – CriminyPete.com Feb 4, 2003 Full Review
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