Jesse Hassenger

Jesse Hassenger
Jesse Hassenger's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s): Filmcritic.com PopMatters AV Club Time Out Brooklyn Magazine The Week

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
C 29% Wonder Park (2019) But even before it gets to its conspicuously director-less end credits, Wonder Park has the unmistakable air of a promising movie no one has taken full responsibility for polishing into a good one. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 14, 2019
C+ 70% Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase (2019) The Hidden Staircase ultimately fails to introduce the younger members of its audience to the pleasures of movie detective. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 12, 2019
78% Captain Marvel (2019) What really stands out about Captain Marvel, then, is its approach to its hero's origin. Unlike Marvel's typically heavy-handed exposition, this movie only hints at a backstory it never truly reveals. The restraint is refreshing. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 7, 2019
C+ 43% The Prodigy (2019) The filmmakers figure out how to make a creepy kid chilling again, then stop short, closing the case too early. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 6, 2019
B- 60% Alita: Battle Angel (2019) The movie is body horror, body action, and body romance, all Frankensteined together-and a lot of fun. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 1, 2019
C 22% Miss Bala (2019) It's the kind of thriller about violent turf wars, corruption, and sex trafficking that's rated PG-13, in case some 11-year-olds want to see it unaccompanied. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 31, 2019
B 86% The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part (2019) The Lego Movie 2 is lovable. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 26, 2019
90% The Kid Who Would Be King (2019) Why is someone as talented as Joe Cornish dedicating himself to different varieties of Amblin pastiche? - The Verge EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 24, 2019
37% Glass (2019) With its many characters alternately showcased and neglected, Glass is a strange movie. In its haunted, haunting way, it's also a satisfying one. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 18, 2019
10% Replicas (2019) Poor audience members may only feel disoriented, as the line between A-movie, B-movie, and D-list embarrassment continues to futuristically blur. - The Verge EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 11, 2019
C+ 93% Bumblebee (2018) If only not being terrible was the same as being good; Bumblebee is still just reheated nostalgia. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 26, 2018
65% Aquaman (2018) [Aquaman's] delightful silliness does point to what these movies should have been doing all along: standing alone, rather than trying to reconcile the weird worlds of its various heroes for premature team-ups. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 20, 2018
32% Welcome to Marwen (2018) Zemeckis seems to think he's showing heart. Instead, he's messily dissecting it. - The Verge EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 20, 2018
B- 70% The Mule (2018) It finds Eastwood performing (both as actor and director) in two of his most comfortable modes: ambling low-key pulp and quiet regretful elegy. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 12, 2018
C+ 63% Mary Queen of Scots (2018) Given the capable performances and a few memorable scenes, it's difficult to pinpoint why this handsome, competent production can't offer much more satisfaction... - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 4, 2018
C- 20% The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018) Most of the movie's creepy overtures are bluntly obvious-menacing thumps, rather than barely perceptible twitches. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 30, 2018
B+ 97% Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) This is the seventh Spider-Man feature film in 16 years, but this universe has rarely felt so fresh. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 28, 2018
37% Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018) The Crimes of Grindelwald appears to be, first and foremost, made "for the fans." But the series' age agnosticism seems less about providing all-ages entertainment than a refusal to think of these fans as actual people. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 16, 2018
B 84% Creed II (2018) Sometimes the movie feels torn between spare evocations of a boxer's life and crowd-pleasing evocations of past movies. But more often than not, Caple splits the difference with aplomb. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 16, 2018
64% The Way We Were (1973) For a screen romance with huge movie stars, that sentiment feels pretty real. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 14, 2018
B 88% Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) If the movie never falls into a feedback loop, credit should probably go to Reilly and especially Silverman, who bring human vulnerability to little bits of ultra-branded ones and zeroes. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 14, 2018
C+ 62% Outlaw King (2018) For a historical epic that probably looks even better on the big screen, it's oddly well-suited to Netflix: spectacle, yes, but nothing too specific about it. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 10, 2018
C 58% The Grinch (2018) Illumination's focus on cartoon villainy should set it apart. But by this point, the filmmakers have softened the very concept of "bad" into just another bowl of brightly colored sugary mush. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 7, 2018
C 24% Nobody's Fool (2018) [Sumpter] and Haddish make a likable pair, but Perry never quite works them into a functioning comedy team. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 2, 2018
89% Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh (2018) Whether he's giving a nuanced performance, standing back at a lazy de facto family reunion, or telling silly jokes on a relatively unadorned stage, Sandler feels like himself-and 100% Fresh is a particularly likable, unfussy iteration. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 26, 2018
C+ 61% Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) Like a lot of depictions of rock music on film, Bohemian Rhapsody lacks both the stylistic daring of a music video and the outright euphoria of a proper musical, but it gets closer to both with the Live Aid sequence. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 23, 2018
C 36% Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Johnny English Strikes Again might actually come closer to success than its predecessors, if only by default. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 23, 2018
97% The Hate U Give (2018) But at its best, George Tillman Jr.'s film has a gravity and forthrightness missing from so many movies aimed at younger audiences. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 19, 2018
B 78% Mid90s (2018) Mid90s is more than an exercise in refracting the nostalgic radiance of its cultural touchstones. It's something both rougher and more tender, and still a little bit unformed. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 15, 2018
29% Venom (2018) The best supervillains tell us something about ourselves and our heroes. Venom crawls into its hero's head and realizes it has nothing to say. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 11, 2018
B- 61% The Oath (2018) The movie isn't always up to the delicacy of [its] ambitious balancing act, but even the attempt is engaging. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 8, 2018
C 29% Venom (2018) The filmmakers seem faintly aware that not all comic book characters are superheroes, but unsure of what else Venom could actually be. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2018
61% The Oath (2018) The Oath is a little scattershot and ends with a narrative cop-out, but Haddish comes out of it looking more (to borrow a favorite word of hers) ready for stardom than ever. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 28, 2018
28% Night School (2018) It has all the hallmarks of Hart's films: a convoluted story that goes out of its way to paint Hart as an insecure but hard-working go-getter, bad CG-augmented slapstick, pointless but plot-required deception, and unearned swells of sentimentality. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 28, 2018
C 76% Smallfoot (2018) Smallfoot doesn't always trust the music's ability to move the story along, so the movie proceeds in fits and starts... - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 21, 2018
C+ 89% Love, Gilda (2018) Fair enough if the filmmakers didn't want to pay a fortune in clip licensing or drown their movie in pre-existing material, but seeing Radner's genius reduced to highlight reels isn't exactly revelatory either. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 18, 2018
D 8% Drive Hard (2014) The experience is like watching an unprepared teenager fake his way through different classes at once: briefly fascinating, mostly idiotic. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
D- No Score Yet Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014) Preaching aside... Saving Christmas is a shoddy 80-minute feature that contains approximately 50 minutes of actual moving footage. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
C+ 31% Poltergeist (2015) Though Rockwell and DeWitt give the material their own likable spin, most of the story mechanics will be familiar to anyone who has seen the original Poltergeist. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
C- 11% Dirty Grandpa (2016) Incompetence combined with the occasional burst of disreputable laughter makes Dirty Grandpa oddly lively for a movie that's largely terrible. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
B 94% The Mermaid (Mei ren yu) (2016) Arguably Chow's most accessible movie since Hustle. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
D 25% The Perfect Match (2016) The Perfect Match looks and sounds increasingly like a romantic comedy created out of secondhand memories, vaguely described or poorly translated. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
B- 32% Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) After a season of sagas, revivals, and franchise hubris, the flatness of a Statham sequel inspires its own kind of trash nostalgia. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
C+ 25% Army of One (2016) Army Of One doesn't add up to much. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
B- 80% Marshall (2017) Marshall isn't so different from a well-made TV movie. But it plays well on the big screen anyway... - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 14, 2018
C No Score Yet The Disappointments Room (2016) Disappointments has the strange confidence of a much slicker, more decisive movie, and all of its sort-ofs don't add up to much. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 11, 2018
C 31% Kin (2018) Kin poses more questions than it answers, and they're not the cool, speculative kind. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 28, 2018
93% Support the Girls (2018) Lots of movies like to tell stories about grit, determination, and perseverance. Support the Girls understands, and even finds rueful humor in, the ways those things can still lead to a dead end. - The Week EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 23, 2018
B 92% Searching (2018) As a thriller, Searching is both ruthlessly absorbing in the moment and relatively disposable as soon as it ends, sliding itself gracefully into the desktop recycling bin. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 20, 2018
B- 80% Alpha (2018) This is a summer movie that feels designed to transport a younger audience somewhere, not just drag them along for whatever PG-13 ride has been deemed kid-friendly by default. - AV Club EDIT
Read More | Posted Aug 15, 2018