MovieJuice!

MovieJuice! is not a Tomatometer-approved publication. Reviews from this publication only count toward the Tomatometer when written by the following Tomatometer-approved critic(s): Mark Ramsey
Rating Title/Year Author
C Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014) Mark Ramsey 'Maybe we should have recruited the audience,' said Chris Pine, 'because all I see out there are shadows.' EDIT
Posted Jan 25, 2014
F Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014) Mark Ramsey Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is written and directed by Christopher Landon, son of Michael Landon, whose Little House on the Prairie pantry must have been stocked full of a very small number of original ideas and a large quantity of fine weed. EDIT
Posted Jan 25, 2014
D Thor: The Dark World (2013) Mark Ramsey 'Inside her is a relic that predates the universe,' says Anthony Hopkins. 'And we don't mean Michael Douglas.' EDIT
Posted Nov 13, 2013
C Ender's Game (2013) Mark Ramsey Harrison Ford looks less likely to chase aliens and more likely to chase those young whippersnappers off his lawn. EDIT
Posted Nov 4, 2013
F Riddick (2013) Mark Ramsey Riddick! Because one name says it all - and not nearly enough - all at the same time! Riddick! Because "Riddikulous" has too many syllables. EDIT
Posted Sep 9, 2013
B- The Wolverine (2013) Mark Ramsey 'If you were as sick as I am,' said the old Japanese man propped up on a bed of hydraulic pistons, 'your oncologist would be a supermodel too - in a school-girl costume with braids and in need of a spanking!' EDIT
Posted Aug 1, 2013
D Pacific Rim (2013) Mark Ramsey As I watched Pacific Rim I could literally feel myself shedding IQ points the way Kate Hudson sheds a big lunch in the bathroom of the Beverly Hills Hotel. EDIT
Posted Jul 16, 2013
B Iron Man 3 (2013) Mark Ramsey And so was born Iron Man 3, featuring the further exploits of the only superhero who is not dishwasher-safe. EDIT
Posted May 5, 2013
C+ Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) Mark Ramsey It's Mila Kunis! And she's dressed like she took the wrong tornado on the way to F. Scott Fitzgerald. EDIT
Posted Mar 17, 2013
F Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) Mark Ramsey What's next, 'The Old Woman who lives in the Shoe - with Shoulder-Fired Rocket Launchers?' EDIT
Posted Jan 29, 2013
C Mama (2013) Mark Ramsey As Jessica gradually decides the girls are lovely examples of childhood in full bloom rather than cootie-carrying carpet vermin, the ghostly CG manifestation called "Mama" gets jealous. And Hell hath no fury like a CG manifestation scorned! EDIT
Posted Jan 21, 2013
D Texas Chainsaw (2013) Mark Ramsey "Let's all take our bare bellies to Texas! Maybe we can have someone mesquite barbecue our own ribs - the ones we haven't had surgically removed, I mean' EDIT
Posted Jan 6, 2013
B Zero Dark Thirty (2012) Mark Ramsey When you hear boots marching up your stairs, that guy who whispers "Osama, Osama" - It's not because you need to sign for a UPS package! EDIT
Posted Jan 2, 2013
A Les Misérables (2012) Mark Ramsey Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey! EDIT
Posted Dec 24, 2012
D The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) Mark Ramsey Ah yes, the Volturi, who come dressed for battle like they're being photographed for a Dutch Masters cigar box. EDIT
Posted Nov 18, 2012
A Skyfall (2012) Mark Ramsey 'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!' EDIT
Posted Nov 11, 2012
F Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) Mark Ramsey Radha Mitchell visits Sean Bean in a mirror cameo. 'Do I look fat in this mirror?' Radha asked. 'I wouldn't know,' quipped Sean. 'This movie isn't reflecting well on anybody.' EDIT
Posted Oct 29, 2012
D Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) Mark Ramsey At this point, Katie is to the Paranormal Activity franchise what Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer is to Christmas. EDIT
Posted Oct 22, 2012
D Sinister (2012) Mark Ramsey We begin with old Super 8 footage of a family hanging from a tree which is either a terrible tragedy or a natural outcome of the average Disney vacation. EDIT
Posted Oct 15, 2012
D Taken 2 (2012) Mark Ramsey When Liam wants to kill the bad guys he just wraps his schvantz around their necks and strangles them to death. EDIT
Posted Oct 7, 2012
D The Possession (2012) Mark Ramsey Kyra Sedgwick is in this movie, meaning it's two degrees of Kevin Bacon and even fewer degrees of terrible. EDIT
Posted Sep 3, 2012
D Total Recall (2012) Mark Ramsey Len Wiseman and Kate Beckinsale are the Lucy and Desi of overstuffed action/adventure movies. EDIT
Posted Aug 11, 2012
A The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Mark Ramsey Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!' EDIT
Posted Jul 21, 2012
B The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) Mark Ramsey Enter Peter Parker and the biggest hair this side of Kid 'n Play. EDIT
Posted Jul 8, 2012
B Battleship (2012) Mark Ramsey The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you. EDIT
Posted May 28, 2012
C Dark Shadows (2012) Mark Ramsey I knew we were in trouble when the cops drew a chalk outline around the box office. EDIT
Posted May 14, 2012
C Marvel's the Avengers (2012) Mark Ramsey What could be more effective against interstellar battle than a bow and arrows? 'You never know when an alien invader is the Sheriff of Nottingham,' warned Samuel L. Jackson. EDIT
Posted May 8, 2012
A- The Innkeepers (2011) Mark Ramsey Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie! EDIT
Posted Apr 23, 2012
D The Cabin in the Woods (2011) Mark Ramsey ...enough unemployed characters from Whedon's failed series Dollhouse to staff every Abercrombie & Fitch in Beverly Hills. EDIT
Posted Apr 21, 2012
D Wrath of the Titans (2012) Mark Ramsey Ralph Fiennes returns in his ever-to-be-typecast role as the personification of evil - Hades, ruler of the underworld and, from the looks of it, ruler of the Doobie Brothers. EDIT
Posted Apr 4, 2012
A- The Hunger Games (2012) Mark Ramsey The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter. EDIT
Posted Mar 25, 2012
F John Carter (2012) Mark Ramsey John Carter will be hanging from those man-teets alongside animators for Treasure Planet in the new Disney World attraction: Hall of Disappointments. EDIT
Posted Mar 12, 2012
C Dr. Seuss' the Lorax (2012) Mark Ramsey I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. I'm a creature whose hair is like Wilford Brimley's. 'But the trees have no tongue, and neither should you...' Unless Liberty Medical buys it, that's true! EDIT
Posted Mar 4, 2012
F Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012) Mark Ramsey 'I used to serve in the Navy,' Rock explained, by which he meant the Village People song of the same name. EDIT
Posted Feb 12, 2012
A The Grey (2012) Mark Ramsey 'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.' EDIT
Posted Jan 30, 2012
D Underworld: Awakening (2012) Mark Ramsey 'One day,' Kate assures her daughter, 'you, too, will grow up to dress like a restaurant server in San Francisco.' EDIT
Posted Jan 26, 2012
D Joyful Noise (2012) Mark Ramsey 'My face hasn't moved since the concrete set in 1978,' Dolly explained. 'If my face were gold you could find King Tut entombed in it.' EDIT
Posted Jan 14, 2012
A- War Horse (2011) Mark Ramsey War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas. EDIT
Posted Jan 7, 2012
A- Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol (2011) Mark Ramsey Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom. EDIT
Posted Dec 27, 2011
D The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) Mark Ramsey How else to explain a wedding gown designed by Carolina Herrera in a town where the average gown is designed by Cooter and Otis Herrera. EDIT
Posted Nov 28, 2011
D Immortals (2011) Mark Ramsey 'Our headgear is fabulous!' says Apollo, the god of music and poetry and the hottest club in West Hollywood. EDIT
Posted Nov 13, 2011
D Footloose (2011) Mark Ramsey 'I believe that any town where Dennis Quaid can wear pleated trousers should also be a town where kids can dance,' says Ren. 'But first, I will prove my bona fides by racing a school bus encrusted with stuffed animals!' EDIT
Posted Oct 18, 2011
C+ Real Steel (2011) Mark Ramsey 'I was the only boxer who knew every song to Rodgers & Hammerstein's Carousel and had my own Tommy Tune tribute band,' said Hugh Jackman, whose career has taken him from Wolverine to glucosamine. EDIT
Posted Oct 12, 2011
C- Contagion (2011) Mark Ramsey Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it "free cheese day" at the celebrity shelter? EDIT
Posted Sep 26, 2011
C- Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010) Mark Ramsey 'How many quarts of Haagen-Dazs can I throw up into that bottomless hole?' Katie asked. EDIT
Posted Aug 31, 2011
C- Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) Mark Ramsey I thought apes in the future were hairy humans with walnut shells for mouths! These look too much like monkeys. If I want to watch monkeys take over the world I'll watch the Jersey Shore. EDIT
Posted Aug 14, 2011
A- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) Mark Ramsey 'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died. EDIT
Posted Jul 18, 2011
D Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) Mark Ramsey 'I am the enemy of Decepticons and body hair, and I intend to remove both with lasers!' said Rosie. EDIT
Posted Jul 9, 2011
C- Green Lantern (2011) Mark Ramsey Ryan Reynolds is a fearless fighter pilot famous for wielding his stick in many a starlet's cockpit. EDIT
Posted Jun 21, 2011
B Super 8 (2011) Mark Ramsey 'Did that train just hit a car or a Michael Bay retrospective?' EDIT
Posted Jun 14, 2011